It’s Not You, It’s Both Of You: How Men And Women Can Be Hypocrites In Relationships
You can try to categorize some behaviors as female and others as male, but really, it all depends on whose perspective you’re viewing it from. When it comes down to it, we’re all human,we tend to be driven by the same things, and we have the same insecurities, frustrations and desires. The difference is we express them in more “male” or “female” ways, but often we are guilty of the exact same behavior we criticize, we just don’t notice it because it looks different. In all of these ways, most couples are hypocritical and do not practice what they preach.
The attractive dilemma
If an attractive man dates a mediocre looking woman, you can bet after his friends meet her, something (if not many things) will be said about the fact that he could get a better looking woman. Men are said to be superficial for this reason. However, if an attractive woman brings her mediocre looking boyfriend to meet her girlfriends, it’s true that so long as he is sweet, funny, and treats her well, that is all the girlfriends will talk about later. But, if that man doesn’t have a good character, women will criticize him for that and eventually say, “And he’s not good looking.” We all focus on looks. Men are just more up front about it whereas women look for a reason to justify focusing on it.
Eating at restaurants
Women are considered snobby, uptight, or too demanding if they mention the dirty tabletops, or poor service, or crowded room of a shabby restaurant. But men are, for some reason, considered witty and down to earth if they spend an entire meal making fun of the well-to-do live pianist, or of the overly polite server, or the extravagant names of items on the menu in a nice restaurant. Why is it that woman are criticized for struggling to see the charm in a hole in the wall, but men are praised for struggling to appreciate the effort put into a fine dining establishment? Either way, both parties aren’t appreciating the place for what it is.
Talking to the server
If a woman complains to her server in a restaurant, she is being “difficult” or dare we say “The B Word.” Men often step in, however, to complain for their girlfriends, making the excuse that they are being a gentleman and just looking out for their partner. News flash: the experience for the server is the same—customers are whining. It doesn’t sound any better or different, no matter who it’s coming from.
In the bedroom
If a woman continues to try and persuade her exhausted, not-in-the-mood man to have sex, she is just being fun and cheeky. If he happens to say something like, “You’re not being very sensitive to my exhaustion” then the man is automatically a poor sport and a big grump. But if a man tries to convince his tired girlfriend to have sex, he is selfish, insensitive and a pig. But don’t both people have needs, and aren’t they just both being denied?
Women love to shop. This is a fact. But men shine this light on it, as if it’s a childish, superficial, “super girly” activity. And, of course, women can’t stand having their favorite hobby teased like this. Meanwhile, do we not make similar comments about their video games? Or their obsession with sports?
If a man says so much as one negative word about his girlfriend’s friends he is rude. He just doesn’t get them. Meanwhile, women can criticize their man’s friends all under the light that they are guiding their partner to be a better person, and helping him mature by choosing better company. Women somehow just understand their boyfriend’s friends better than their boyfriends themselves do, but men just “don’t get it” if they don’t like their girlfriend’s friends.
Men love to tease women because we insist on watching the show or movie we want to watch, and then the second we hit the play button, we fall asleep. But be real! Men consistently fall asleep the second their heads hit the pillow, even though the whole car ride home they were saying all the things they wanted to do to their girlfriends in bed. Both men and women sleep through the, um, show sometimes.
If a woman is complaining about her parents and her boyfriend in any way defends her parents, or suggests that he sees where they are coming from, he is “not on his girlfriend’s side” or “just doesn’t get it.” It’s almost a sin for a man to defend his girlfriend’s parents in a fight. But women often play devil’s advocate when their men are fuming about a fight with the parents. And it’s always in the light that “men are overreactive.”
Okay everybody can just get off their high horse already when their partner lets dishes pile up. You know we all do it—perhaps some of you are just better at hiding it from your partner. Oh and that room you keep “so clean” while you criticize your partner’s “pig pen” of an apartment—you know you just rapidly tidied up before he came over.
Men tend to buy more items with the names or slogans of artists/movies/places they are very attached to. So, they think we’re being insensitive or just don’t understand that they are “expressing themselves” through their clothing, when we make fun of their Biggie t-shirt. But, just because females don’t tend to represent certain things on their clothing as much, doesn’t mean we aren’t trying to express ourselves through our clothes. Why else would we put so much time into them?! Men don’t realize it, but they’re criticizing our attempt to express ourselves too, when they make fun of a certain style we wear.
Flirting with the opposite sex
Just because men are more forward about their desires, doesn’t mean that women don’t have the same ones. Men can criticize their girlfriends for leading other men on just by talking to them, and they get away with it because, usually, whoever the other poor guy is tries to make a move so it’s clear he had expectation about how the night would end. But come on: if that same boyfriend is friendly with another woman all night, you can bet that poor thing had expectations too. She just didn’t show them as much. We all lead people on!
Women are famous for lines like “it’s fine” and “nothing’s wrong.” Of course, something is wrong when we say this. But men are not exactly these constantly open and expressive creatures. Plenty of men make a mental note of something their partner does or says that they do not like, and keep quiet about it. The only difference is that men keep quiet about it forever, so they never get caught pretending everything was fine. Women eventually break, and tell their partner they’re upset. To sum it up: we all pretend things are okay. Some are just better at it than others.
A common problem in relationships is that after a while, the couple stops “dating”—they stop planing fun things to do together and instead get into a funk of watching TV and going to sleep. Men complain that often when they do try to be spontaneous and plan something, their girlfriends aren’t up for it because they weren’t prepared and it doesn’t fit into their schedule. And while that’s true, plenty of women complain of trying to be spontaneous, and their partners being too tired, or just wanting a night in after a long day at work. Here’s the thing: spontaneity will never fit perfectly into your schedule, and life is always exhausting—so both parties could be a bit more flexible.
Are you listening?
Women complain that men aren’t the best of listeners, and with ADD running particularly high in males, there could be some truth to this. However, since women become so accustomed to their boyfriends rarely opening up, when they do, the girlfriends often don’t pay attention. That’s why men often complain that the few times they’ve tried to confide in their partners, the women wrote them off.