Ask A Very Smart Brotha: He Wants To Wait Til 40 To Get Married, Should I Wait?

18 comments
March 6, 2013 ‐ By

champ213

Tasha: Why black men don’t want to commit and get married

DY: There are actually a ton of Black men who are commitment/marriage-minded. You just have to find and date the ones looking for a commitment with you instead of the ones who aren’t looking for that.

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  • Suzannah

    I think he should get married before he’s 40. If not he’ll definitely regret it later.

  • Nope

    These “waiting”, “timing”, and “commit” questions are really about when the man’s response/reaction differs from the woman’s timing they’ve pre-determined FOR the man. In terms of relationships, “relationships”, dating, courting, etc. most men are walking into the template, fantasy, and shot clock that was running before he even met her.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      You don’t think being with someone for 11 years is a reasonable amount of time to give before requiring them to commit? I get the argument that there shouldn’t be no hard and set rule on the matter but come on, over an eighth of her life is gone she could have spent that time with someone who was sure by year I don’t know 5 that she was the one he wanted to give his last name to. IJS

      • Nope

        I don’t disagree with you. But who’s the fool for waiting 11 years for anything except maybe getting out of jail? The man is accountable for her stupidity?

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          Of course she’s responsible for wasting HER time. The only timeline she need be worried about is her own. Which negates your argument about men walking into templates and all that. It doesn’t take even the most reluctant man 11 years to decide if he’s going to marry a woman. He already knows he not, so really he’s being a cad if he doesn’t tell her straight up that he’s stringing her along. OR that he doesn’t want to marry her.

          • Nope

            “It doesn’t take even the most reluctant man 11 years to decide if he’s going to marry a woman. He already knows he not, so really he’s being a cad if he doesn’t tell her straight up that he’s stringing her along. OR that he doesn’t want to marry her.”

            I don’t disagree with this. Believe me, I’m in favor of being straight up and honest with people. A man such as this has clearly SHOWN he isn’t going to marry her, but no he hasn’t actually articulated it. So no, he isn’t doing her or himself any favors by not actually saying it. But to be fair “no” is a woman’s least favorite word in general.

            • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

              lol. Alright we’re on the same page. I’m all for personal accountability when it comes to running your own life. Imagine that a respectful conversation on Madame Noire. Thought I would never live to see .the day.

  • Nope

    Men stop “waiting” when we find the person we actually want to wind up with, and that person might not be you. Who, other than yourself, says it HAS to be you?? Too many women basically attempt to decide this FOR the man. Simple logic, you stop waiting when the bus you WANT to catch comes.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      I agree with you. Which is why anybody is dumb for ‘waiting’ on anyone to decide on their life.

  • TRUTH IS

    *cues “If I Were A Boy”* I tell ya…some men are great actors….they say and pretend to get some nookie…..then its downhill from there on….waiting/wasting 11 yrs of your life for some man…he better be Jesus like. Blame yourself!
    The girl who mentioned 8 yr relationship sounds like a scenario I was in….dude “8 yr gf” will not let anyone enjoy him in peace….what a disaster…when he wanted to get away he came to me….with unfinished business with her…homegirl lied about being pregnant so he can stay around…i cant with these type chit….too much baggage and drama…..am too grown

  • kierah

    Women are getting hung up on the waiting game. Instead of asking what he wants, ask yourself do YOU want to wait for him? Once you’ve made that decision (i.e. move to Germany or be in an 11 year unmarried relationship), you have to move on and can’t fault the brother for moving on as well. If you’ve waited 11 years, clearly waiting is your favorite sport. You will continue to wait.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Yep pretty much. She’s his something to do until he meets the one he wants to commit to.

  • Guest

    “Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today?”

  • chiefwhitaker

    Man the way i put it is that life is short and you never know when you are gonna leave this Earth so with that being said I wouldn’t wait till 40 to get married nor leave a seed on this Earth when I leave.

  • blackizbeautiful

    hellz no he might get married when he is 40 but his wife will not be 40…promise you that.

    • Babydoll 70

      And his wife won’t be the lady he asked to wait.

  • SunshineBlossom

    Living Single… He took it all the way back lol.

  • Charla

    And when he turns 40 he will come up with another arbitrary number or issue. I could understand if he said better job or financial stability. I definitely wouldn’t wait that long.