I Saw The Sign…Then I Ignored It: Why We Fall For The Things We Do In Relationships

10 comments
March 8, 2013 ‐ By Liz Lampkin
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Relationships are built and based on a number of things. Some relationships are built on love, some on sex, others on trust and others on finances. However, most relationships that last are built and based primarily on communication and trust. So what happens when the person we are involved with, the one we trust and love, betrays us? More importantly, how do we miss the signs of betrayal, both obvious and not? Why do we fall for the things we fall for in relationships? The answer is simple…we fall for the things we fall for in relationships because we innocently hear the words our loved ones say to us, we imbed those words in our minds and bury them in our hearts…why? Because we trust them. Why do we trust them? Because we believe they have our best intentions in mind as well as the relationship. Not only do we innocently hear the words they say, but we glance over some of their actions that we agree and disagree with, causing us to miss obvious signs of infidelity or betrayal. Why do we do this? Because we want our relationships to work no matter what the cost. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many people who don’t miss the obvious signs of their relationship going downhill, but there are also those people who see the signs, but refuse to acknowledge them for the sake of having a relationship.

Refusing to acknowledge obvious signs of a failing relationship is detrimental to one’s mental stability and overall health; but sometimes you can miss those signs by trusting solely in that person and not relying on instincts.  How do you avoid missing the signs of infidelity, or better yet, how can you avoid falling for/believing everything your mate says? Do the following:

  1. Listen to what your mate says, don’t just hear them. This may seem redundant, but what most people fail to realize is that there is a difference between hearing and listening. When you hear what someone is saying you are receiving the information given, or becoming aware of something, meaning you’re just taking what they say with a grain of salt; however, when you listen to someone you are paying attention to what they are saying, you understand it for what it is, and you can take the information you received and go forward with it.
  2. Observe their actions. Observing your mate’s actions will help you recognize how they have changed and how the dynamics of the relationship have changed as well. For example, if your mate suddenly stops spending a certain amount of time with you that you’ve become accustomed to without just cause, this may be a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore. If they change the way they dress, or pay particularly close attention to their appearance, more than before, you may want to start asking questions. Am I saying you should be Inspector Gadget? No, but I am saying that you should observe your mate’s change in actions within the relationship.
  3. Trust your mate, but trust your instincts more. If you are in a relationship with someone, there is obviously some level of trust there, which is great. But if your instincts indicate some red flags with your mate, trust them. Am I am saying that you should be overly paranoid? No, but what I am saying is that if you’ve noticed some strange changes with your mate and your internal intelligence tells you to ask questions, or listen and observe a bit closer than usual… do so.
  4. When the obvious is blatantly obvious, take it for what it is. When your mate has obviously cheated on you, admits it and is even apologetic for it, walk away from the obvious cheater and the relationship because he may step out on you again. While I do believe in second chances, I don’t believe in being an obvious fool.
  5. Don’t make excuses for them. This step is huge! People often miss signs of infidelity or fall for lies because they make excuses for their mates. They notice the change in their mate and the relationship as a whole but make excuses like “he’s just tired…” “She has to work late…” “I feel neglected, but it’s okay, I know he loves me…” and so on and so on. Why do we do this? We do this because we don’t want to face the reality of the situation, and we are trying to spare our hearts from breaking without realizing we are walking directly into heartbreak by not using our common sense and listening to our instincts.

Trusting someone is not easy, and when we find someone we want to be involved with we put our trust in them; and by doing so we have the tendency to be vulnerable, let our guards waaaay down and often fail to see the obvious. It happens very easily, and sometimes it can be avoided, others times it can’t. Trust your instincts, stay true to yourself, listen, look and learn.

What have you fallen for in relationships? Have you missed obvious signs of infidelity?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

 

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  • Sharon

    Bottom line………………………You can’t change a person. Only that person has to make that decision to change. I don’t know why some people can’t see that.

  • BobbyBrownsUnhingedLowerJaw

    in my first marriage i ignored all of these being very naive. now i know better, so i’ll do better. and i am happily single. no longer ignoring the obvious

    • Babydoll 70

      bobbybrownsunhingedlowerjaw..lol what a name. :)

  • kierah

    Diminished self esteem will keep you in a situation you don’t need to be in. When I was in late teens and early 20s I dated plenty of guys that I KNEW were going to break my heart. I just wanted to be someone’s girlfriend so I’d put the blinders on. When I realized I deserved better and that I was strong enough to stand on my own, I stopped ignoring those red flags.

    • sabrina

      exactly!!

  • TRUTH IS

    I agree…women DO NOT listen or pay attention or they bury their heads in the sand….I too have been guilty. I rather be alone than be with a half of man!

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Its called leverage. Keep some at ALL times in the relationship. If you cheat on me you will never enjoy the pleasure of my company again in life. And mean it! That’s leverage. Keeping yourself physically, emotionally, AND financially on point is also key. Making sure you keep your own identity and life firmly intact. When you feel good about you and know your worth you won’t get fooled, suckered, or turn a blind eye to someone disrespecting you and the relationship. Furthermore, when you feel good about yourself you won’t even give someone with the capacity to do that the time of day.

    • Stanley 001

      It’s so easy in writing. Have you tried it in real life?

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        Seeing as I am happily married . . . . yeah I would say so. :)

    • Meyaka

      Realist thing I ever read on here,leverage… My mother taught me that,and when I became grown enough to apply it,it saved me from myself.

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