The J.R. Smith Guide To Dating An Athlete…And The MadameNoire ‘You Can’t Be Serious!’ Response

March 1st, 2013 - By Madame Noire

Earlier this week, J.R. Smith tweeted a rather insightful Instagram guide to dating an athlete, and if you know anything about this New York Knicks player, you can already assume it was full of ignorance. We can’t say for sure, but we have a feeling this may be a subtle response to K. Michelle constantly spilling on her failed relationship with the pro-baller, and just in case she hasn’t taken the time to respond to this nonsense yet, we took it upon ourselves to do so. Check out the video and let us know what you think.

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  • DCgirlnmd

    I honestly didnt find his list to be bad at all…(shrug).

  • Kahekili

    “You can already assume it was full of ignorance.”

    Black people love to use the word ‘ignorant’ or ‘ignorance’.

    For him to make such a list would mean that he is quite aware, the opposite of ignorant.

  • SMH

    When did Madame Noire get so RATCHET? Rolled my eyes at the way this girl spoke like a stereotypical Angry Black Woman. Also, why are Black Men (Hi Drew Smith) so OBSESSED with Black Women websites?

    • DCgirlnmd

      My sentiments exactly!!

  • DoinMe

    I don’t understand what was so “ignorant” about his requirements. What was ignorant and unnecessary was the video response to it. This is why there’s a big divide between black men and women. If he’s able to meet a woman’s needs and wants (and I’m not talking about money and material things), why shouldn’t a woman be required to meet his needs and wants? They were not unreasonable. Sometimes, we push our men away because of our own drama, misperceptions, and bad advice.

  • Meyaka

    I blame the women who tailor their lives to all these sub basic “men” and their so called standard,I wish I would…

  • Bren

    Have a big butt, big breasts, fake hair, thin waste and no brain. Sorry if I offended anyone.

    • Bren

      “Waist”

    • JoAnn

      Oh, don’t forget that she had to be white, mixed, asian, middle eastern any other race. I am sorry, but I had to add that.

      • Kahekili

        Middle Easterners are Asian.

  • Cogito

    So many of you guys are so wrong…….lol!. Professional athletes are no different than any other group of professional males. There are some that are extremely immature, childish and inconsiderate and their are those who are thoughtful and believe it or not, sensitive and faithful. In other words, if you are a nice, considerate young man, you don’t instantly turn into an azzh*le simply because you made it to the show. In a lot of cases, a lot of guys actually withdraw and become more private because of all of the attention and the sharks that are encircling them, both male and female, trying to separate them from their money.

    I would simply say that women, regardless of a man’s profession, perform your due diligence to establish his quality of being and be able to answer the question of how do you embellish his emotional and spiritual bottom line….it’s really is not that complicated. From my experience both as a man, and a former professional athlete, most women come in with a long set of inflexible rules, a wheel barrow of expectations and 1001 problems that requires an immediate resolution without being present to their obligation to add value to his life. It is true about the their being targets of groupies in every city, but honestly, most of the guys are too busy trying to get their rest, especially if you are over 26 with a few years of experience under your belt.

    And lastly, think of professional athletes in the same light as you would a transcendentally beautiful woman; she or he is propositioned all day, every day and eventually craves for a normal existence, a normal relationship because the novelty of just a pretty face and body will soon expire and then what?

    • Cogito

      Also, as an addendum to my earlier post, A lot of these guys actually rely upon their women in an administrative or managerial capacity, and in these cases, it is the woman who is vigilante of the activities of the player’s agent and money managers. And these women look after and protect their vested interest. I laugh when I think about some of those agents shaking and quivering at the prospect of having to answer to some no nonsense sister who didn’t give a damn about being his friend as her husband may have been. So, contrary to the ostensible appearance, the team concept is very prevalent among couples at the professional level. Usually the guys from small towns who are shy and not particularly media savvy, crave for the normal girlfriend/wife experience and is unaffected by all of the background noise that goes along with professional sports. So, you guys are not only passing some potentially quality men, but some quality human beings by buying into the belief that all athletes are Dawgs.

      • Nikki

        I get what you are saying. Groupies are not an issue. I won’t be with someone I don’t trust anyway. The only reason I would not get involved with anyone famous is because I am a very private person. I know there are some that are able to keep their private lives private, but if they are extremely talented (or extremely untalented lol), they will be recognized everywhere they go. I want to be able to go out with the person I am dating and have a normal day lol I don’t want us to be interrupted by the media and/or groupies.

        • Cogito

          LOL! You’re cute! However, if a brother had to have you in his life….he wouldn’t even be trying to hear your “NO ATHLETE” rule, he would just have to work to overcome your reticent. Another way of looking at it, is if our public moments are ALWAYS PUBLIC, then our personal and private moments would be even more valuable to us and we would treat them like the last glass of water in the desert, which would only strengthen our bond. Which is why after every season, me and my wife would take off for Europe or Africa just for our US time; sometimes, even leaving dem bad azz kids behind with their grandparents! LOL!

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            lmao you a trip.

      • Susan

        You know I hear what you are saying. But I am not for sure about your statement. I know that there are great guys. Some of these athletes don’t even care about what a woman can bring him. He all about a booty and they don’t have to have any kind of knowledge or education.

        • Cogito

          I respect the fact that you feel what you do, but this inability to see beyond the physical is not endemic to athletes only…..it’s a man’s thing. Athletes are no different then Investment Bankers or Attorneys in this regard. I however, on your other expressed belief, I differ with you because I have personally witnessed many of these guys go through their dating rituals with new women, as well as their continuing those relationships with their girls they had in college and have watched them morphed into beautiful families.

          People are too quick to only read the cliff notes and draw their beliefs based on tabloid accounts without authenticating veracity. For instance….the myth that all black professional athletes are either with or married to white women are lighter hued sisters is categorically untrue, but nonetheless, people cling to this popular myth. For every Kobe Bryant, there are three David Robinsons, faithfully married for 10 plus years. On each team, at least 60% or more of the guys will be married with kids! Also, Men with considerable resources tend to gravitate towards more stable romantic lives because the novelty of different women can die quickly plus, they know that they have much more to lose.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    Sounds like a lot of work!! #ialreadyhaveajob

  • http://www.facebook.com/nxwilliams Nicholas. X. W. Williams

    I do agree with him on the motivation. Shoot every good woman should motivate and support their man in all his legal endeavors lol.

  • Betty

    I checked out the video; it was WHACK! There was nothing wrong with his list. Now the young lady in the video? She was doing way too much. Save the dramatics for the Geico commercials. I don’t get why they even needed to do a video response or post. By the way, please fix this site. Set up a fund or something to get a web developer. Please and thanks :-)

  • Deedra

    BUMP his requirements, why is that girl so EXTRA. The KFC lady is not this annoying.

  • JoAnn

    Sorry, but isn’t this only applies to groupies of other races? It seems to men most athletes only deal with white women and women of other races. I know they can date whoever they want. Since it seems like they don’t have a problems giving them money even though they are gold diggers as well even though they know up front they are gold diggers. Also, yes you are busy with practice and during travel and off season, you are probably working overtime messing with other women and have to give them child support for those children you had a ball producing. This guy needs to sit down somewhere, he will more than likely make the list of another athlete who is broke or having tax problem. Please he needs to go sit down somewhere.

  • Jolene

    That chick needs to go away.

    • YES gAWD

      OK…Im glad Im not the only one who was OVER IT!!! dont let her host stories no more…i was like what the FK is she talking about????

  • rjaney

    So why exactly did Madame Noire do a video response to this? And who is this chick? why is she talking like that and what are those moves about? I really expect better from this site. This video looks like it comes from a site like Bossip!

    • Ms. Chocolate

      They are all affiliated. Scroll down and see the links,,,,

    • yeppers

      haha! I think we all are in agreement that she DONT need to do another segment Madame Noire.. please let her down gently.

    • Drew Smith

      Uhhh… Bossip and MN are one in the same — literally. Where have you been, babes?

    • rjaney

      I know Bossip and MN are affiliated but they are NOT the same websites! Bossip obviously is a gossip website whereas MN, I thought, was more of a positive community website for women! The point is that video is tacky and tasteless! And did this woman say ‘some of ya’ll don’t mind being a side boob’? #comeon! So much time went into the making of this video and I don’t see why! BTW! I had that sweater FOUR YEARS AGO!

      • Kahekili

        “Bossip obviously is a gossip website whereas MN, I thought, was more of a positive community website for women!”

        That’s a lie. MN posts a bunch of articles tearing women down.

  • Sheena

    MN please get over yourself and that boop boop boop dance.

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    I read his list and it didn’t seem that bad. He wants an off court cheerleader who will coddle him and not require much from him other than some dough and some dyck. lol okay I’m just being an azz with the last part, but seriously though what’s so bad about his list? He can get exactly that because their are a line of women that will be more than happy to play that role.

    • YES gAWD

      Exactly…this and many instances are a case of IF IT DONT APPLY LET IT FLY. If you know you not about that life…which I am CERTAIN I am not, then dont even look they way. They are constantly surrounded by women who will do ALL The things they want and then some with no type of strings /commitment. If you are not one of said women there is no need for you to get up in arms. Do YOU. They will find what they are looking for Trust. I also didnt really see a problem with his list other than IM SURE there are more things to this than he is saying…the host was being EXTRA for NO REASON… He might not have been lying but the underlying motive for those guides was probably not beneficial to both parties. MN please have a talk with that host…she was just over the top… I cant. It wasnt even that serious.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        For real though. I didn’t get halfway through that video before I stopped it. The list wasn’t THAT bad. There are scores of women who put these pro athlete’s on a pedestal and don’t mind doing everything on that list to get some change and that lifestyle. If they like it I love it.

        • Drew Smith

          And, that’s the F that, ma’am. Well done.

      • mac

        over the top and extremely uninformed.
        According to her, NBA players get paid multi millions to have 5 hour workdays, including “2 hour games” (she’s clearly never watched a basketball game in her life).
        These guys practice, watch film, go over strategy, and come to the arena hours before gametime for pre-game, actually play the game, and then travel for road games.
        But no, I’m sure they’re sitting around with plenty of free time after all of that *rolls eyes*

        • mac

          Stay in your lane, MN. Reality tv and Beyonce posts.

          • Herm Cain

            Lol

  • rzakia

    My guide to dating an athlete only has one rule…Don’t date athletes. Simple and straight to the point.

    • Drew Smith

      The chances of you being a black chick are pretty high, so you’re probably safe anyway. You know, all stereotypes considered…

      • Chey

        it’s true though…

        • leah

          LOL and the chances of you being another D-Bag black male are high too…We can see right through you!

          • Drew Smith

            Leah, you missed the entire foundation of my message, and I’m inclined to believe that occurred because you lack the wherewithal to grasp concepts that aren’t explicit. You see, my message went a little deeper than simply stating a point. Love Button, I’m afraid your ability to see through anything begins and ends with glimpsing through a brand-new pair of reading glasses. As for me, I could run circles around your very existence — backwards. Case and point: You didn’t even reply to the correct commenter…

            • DCgirlnmd

              @google-f1d2b9ee04c4634f0d155c2152d54f3c:disqus I dont like your condescending tone…It’s unnecessary. I get it, I get it…youre on here to, apparently, be the contrarian, or at the very least voice your opinion, but your tone is unbecoming of someone who claims NOT to be another d-bag black man. IJS :-/

              • Drew Smith

                Shucks, it appears as though my condescending tone detests your lack of punctuation (see: “dont” and “youre” above). I was REALLY hoping that we could work things out. You know, because we know each other, and truly value what we do and don’t like about the other person…

            • Aïcha

              Are you often misunderstood drew? :)

              • Drew Smith

                LMAO!!! Like you wouldn’t believe, Aïcha! That was actually very funny. Have a great day!

      • rzakia

        Well you can’t just come on here and make an assumption without explaining yourself. So go ahead, explain yourself.

        • Drew Smith

          I dig it, rzakia. I appreciate the opportunity to expound. My message was quick and dirty, but piggy-backed off your notion of never dating athletes. Having been an athlete, myself, and knowing many athletes who still play, I took issue with your rule of never dating athletes. I imagine your position is rooted in either what you know personally, or what you’ve come to know by any other means. As a result, you’ve decided that no athlete is fit to date, and said decision is based on a stereotype of what all athletes are like. Now, it’s no secret that there are stereotypes about black women that aren’t very becoming — we all know it. I don’t know the exact math, but if you comment on MN, the chances of you being black are high. And, the chances of you being a black woman are even higher. If we allow stereotypes and assumption to govern our conversation, then an athlete isn’t very likely to date a black woman; since you’re likely a black woman commenting on MN, then you’re likely safe, as an athlete isn’t all too interested in what you present, all assumptions and stereotypes considered. I hope that further explains my position. Have an excellent weekend.

          • Jamie

            This is correct. Sadly most black athletes does not date black women. I am not for sure what reason. But I know that some men have their minds programmed that black women are always mean, unapproachable, hard to get along with, stressful to deal with, angry, not supportive, not loving, like to fight are gold diggers. Well if any athlete pro or not reads this newsflash……………….you have these type in other races as well. White women are worse than black women, I know this a challenge to believe, you have foul mouths, likes to fight, get sloppy drunk, gold diggers as well in other races. It seems to me that they don’t have not one problem with women of other races with these challenges. It is acceptable for women of races to be gold diggers and foul mouths. They seem to me don’t have not one probably giving these women money tons of it. I think I read somewhere I don’t know if this is true that Tiger Woods not only paid his wife 100 million dollars but paid all her legal expenses. If this was a black woman, he would not have not one ounce of problem not giving her a dime. In some cases I don’t feel sorry for people like him who don’t have a problem giving gold digging white women and women of other races money, when in some cases is their motive. I am sorry I agree.

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000018266747 Michael D. Wright

              Why is it sad, first of all?

              Secondly, it’s not true. Despite what you believe, 4 out of every 5 Black athlete dates/marries a Black woman.

          • rzakia

            Honestly, all I can think of while reading your response is that Damon Wayans Muslim character that he played on In Living Color. I’m not sure if you speak like you do in your responses everyday or if you’ve just learned to use a thesaurus. Either way, I’m getting a good laugh imagining as Oswald Bates.

            • Drew Smith

              I don’t recall the show, but then again, I’m probably appreciably younger than you; thus, I’ll have to take your word for it. In the strangest turn of events, I actually do speak similarly to the manner in which I write, and have not recently learned to use a thesaurus. It’s crazy what a company will pay folks who have business acumen, and the ability to effectively articulate themselves verbally and in writing these days. You’re getting a good laugh; I’m laughing all the way to the bank. Enjoy the remainder of your weekend, as Monday — and clocking in — will be here before you know it. Good talk.

              • rzakia

                I wouldn’t know what it feels like to clock in or out since I haven’t had a job where clocking in or out is necessary since I graduated from college, but nice attempt at a dig. The fact that you don’t know what In Living Color is leads me to believe that you are probably a little ignorant of your history. It’s okay though, I wouldn’t expect someone who believes in stereotypes about black women to know much about black people in general. Also, good for you for speaking well. It seems like it was an accomplishment for you. Proud of you for achieving your goals. By the way, no I don’t know what a company pays for someone who tries so very hard to be well spoken, but I do know what they pay for someone who is naturally well spoken, intelligent, and educated.

                • Drew Smith

                  If you clocked in and out while in college and can recollect it, then you know what it feels like, ma’am. Knowing about Nat Turner and his efforts is knowing about my history. Knowing about In Living Color simply isn’t. You didn’t think that one through, “college girl.” Additionally, I don’t believe in stereotypes, but I can use them to make a point. Or, to have someone miss the entire point…

                  Moving on, I never had a goal to speak well. There’s practicing perfection, or practicing something else. The former didn’t offer much long-term potential for me. That’s all. If you’re proud now, I’m going to blow your socks off in the next 5 years with what I plan to do via speaking and writing.

                  Breathing, chewing and sneezing come naturally. There isn’t a Mensa member the world over who didn’t have to PRACTICE speaking well, acquire intelligence and become educated, as not a single one of those attributes comes naturally. They’re learned, rzakia. Being well spoken, acquiring intelligence and becoming educated are all learned… by practicing, which oddly enough, is actually trying. Have a pleasant evening, though.

              • Just Wondering.

                @Drew Smith.
                I haven’t read this article. My ex husband, by the way, is a lawyer as am I. I did note your comment, however, that black athletes do not date black women. If true, do you not find something seriously sick about that. I mean, what other group of men on the planet reject their own women? Sounds like self hatred to me. Certainly, it’s not really normal, is it?

                • Drew Smith

                  Hi, Just Wondering. I hope your day’s going well. I’ll be honest with you: I’d err to the side of saying it is normal for black athletes — or merely black men in general who become mildly to wildly successful — to seek out different races/ethnicities of women. I don’t know if it’s self-hatred, so much as it is doing whatever you want to do. I’d actually say this is true for men in general. Look at Robert De Niro, who has had multiple relationships with black women, one named “Toukie Smith.” Toukie! If Robert wasn’t an accomplished actor with millions, but was instead a blue-collar worker in Brooklyn, there’s no way he’d behave the way he has given how Italians are about their culture. Money allows men to do whatever they want, whenever they want. That’s all (I think). Additionally, the operative word is “date.” Dating is fun and you can have a lot of play things. The truth of the matter is that it’s simply easier to bed non-black women, and they don’t ask a lot of questions — which is kinda awesome. I’d hope black dudes have the sense to refrain from marrying for those reasons, but by all means, have a ball dating. I hope that helps.

                • Just Wondering

                  @Drew Smith
                  Then again, maybe this sick mentality explains why black men perpetually stay at the bottom of the American ladder, and why although they may play for the team they rarely own the team