Times Men Think Before They Feel, And It Upsets Women

March 5, 2013  |  
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You know women are feelers and men are thinkers. (Okay, let’s be real: women are just feelers and thinkers, while men are mostly just thinkers). Men tend to pay attention to their head before their heart when making decisions. In some arenas of life it is a strength, but in the arena of love it’s only a detriment. Men eventually feel the implications of their decisions on an emotional level, we just get there way before they do and it’s irritating waiting for them to catch up. Here are 14 times that men think before they feel, and it pisses women off.

"Woman moving boxes pf"

Moving away

You tell your boyfriend that you have been offered a great job, but you may have to move to another city for it. He says, “That’s awesome baby! Congratulations! Sounds like such a great opportunity for you!” You bite your tongue, wondering when he’ll say, “But wait…you’d be moving away?!” And then of course, as you start seriously apartment hunting in a new city, he comes in, tail between his legs, saying, “But…but…but I don’t want you to go!”

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Changing schedules

You’re offered more hours at your job, or offered a better job with an odd schedule, that will make it hard for you and your man to spend time together. Again you get the, “Congratulations! They must really like you! I’m proud of you!” That’s nice of him and all, but what about the fact that now you only get to see each other once a week? Oh…wait…here it comes…two weeks into your new position and you get that midnight text: “We barely see each other any more. I miss you (sad face emoticon)…” Uh huh.

"Family decorating the Christmas tree pf"

Spending the holidays apart

For this or that reason it’s particularly important that you be with your family this holiday season, and he be with his. You apologize, explaining why you just can’t be with him this time. And he says, “No worries! I totally understand. You’ll have a great time with your family. Your mom will be so happy to see you. You haven’t been home in a while, so you’ll enjoy that.” He doesn’t seem to realize how sad it can feel to be away from your partner during the holidays. Until suddenly the time comes, and he’s calling you three or four times a day like a child missing his mommy, “We’re decorating the tree…you should be here (another sad face emoticon)” and “This is the last time we ever spend the holidays apart. It’s not right…”

"selfish man in bed pf"

Falling asleep without being physical

He’s exhausted. He’s had a long day. He has to get up early. That’s all he can think about and when he gets into bed, he immediately situates himself in the, “I’m going to sleep position.” You would have liked some sex or even cuddling, but you let him sleep. And then of course in the morning, when you get up to leave, you get the, “But…wait! We didn’t even spend time together. I want to cuddle. I feel like I didn’t even see you!” Should have thought about that last night!

"Man eating a burger pf"

Eating apart

He says he’ll be home late. He insists you don’t wait for him to eat. He’s getting upset that you’re even suggesting waiting for him. He puts in a delivery order for you, just to ensure you eat soon! He says it just doesn’t make sense for you to wait. And then, what do you know, when he gets home later, and is eating alone at the table, he looks at you with those sad eyes: “Baby…can you come sit with me? I don’t want to eat alone. I like when we eat together…”

"Couple drinking wine pf"

Meeting with the ex

Your boyfriend’s ex calls up and wants to get a drink, just to “catch up.” He tells you, “It’s totally normal. There’s nothing left between us. There’s no reason for you to feel threatened or upset. We’re just friends.” He’s just being practical, and jaunts off for his catch-up drinks with the ex, not a worry in the world. But then two, three hours pass, and he starts thinking of his super sweet, understanding, non-controlling girlfriend sitting at home, who didn’t make even the tiniest fuss when he went out with is ex, and the guilt hits him. And he comes home, smothering you, “I love you! That was so nice of you to let me do that. You’re so great. I don’t deserve you. What can I do for you?” Yup. Because it is weird he went to see the ex. It just took him a few hours to realize it.

"Holiday party pf"

Missing his birthday

You’re invited to an event that will be a tremendous opportunity for your career, but it will require you to miss your man’s birthday. He says it’s fine, that he’s so proud of you, that he wants you to go to the event. And then, come that birthday, your phone is blowing up with texts, “My birthday just feels empty without you. The only gift I want is to have you here. I miss you!!! Can you come back now?”

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Taking separate cars

It doesn’t really make sense for him to pick you up, or for you two to meet somewhere and go in one car to an event. He insists, “It’s just not practical.” So you just meet there, and leave in your separate cars. And slowly but surely, he begins to feel like he is just casually dating his supposed-serious girlfriend.  And you get the sad, “I feel like our lives are so separate” line. Now, was it really worth it to take separate cars, all because it was “practical”?

"Depressed woman in bed pf"

Sleeping apart

He’s working late almost every night, and instead of coming over when he’s done, and enjoying an hour with you or simply getting to wake up next to you, he says, “I’m just going to go home. I’d only pass out at your house anyways, so there’s no point.” You let it go. You don’t want to force him. But of course, after some weeks, you get the, “I miss waking up next to you! I feel like we never see each other. I want more time in bed with you” line.

"Couple walking on the beach pf"

Vacation plans

Your boyfriend books up your vacation together with activities from morning until night, because he’s a guy and guys don’t like to sit still and just chill on vacation. He says, “We flew all the way over here! It would be a shame if we didn’t experience as much as we could.” You want to be a good sport, so you follow him on his exhausting agenda. But then, of course, when the trip is over you get this: “I feel like we didn’t get to spend any time together…the trip went by so fast…We need to take another trip where we just relax with each other.” Of course. After the trip he realizes this.

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Sex at awkward times

You’ve barely talked for the last four hours as you’ve both been on your laptops, or perhaps you’re still in an unresolved fight—for whatever reason, you do not feel emotionally connected at all. But he wants to get sex going. You don’t want to be a prude or seem like you’re “withholding” sex as punishment, or as some sort of reward only if he does something for it. So, you go along with it. But all along…you know it will feel weird after. It always feels a little sad to have sex with your partner when you feel so emotionally disconnected. And when you roll off each other, back to your separate corners (emotionally and mentally) he feels it too: a little sad. But, as always, he let his you-know-what do the thinking. Alright,  it wasn’t his brain. But it was still thinking, not feeling.

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Inviting friends along

Any time you find something fun for the two of you to do, your man wants to invite friends along. “This kind of thing is always better with a big group!” he says or, “Oh, these two friends of mine would love that!” And then, the guilt sets in as he realizes he hasn’t taken you on a one on one date in a while, and you deserve better. You start getting the, “I don’t treat you enough. I’m not a good boyfriend am I? You deserve more than this!” If he’d just let the friends stay home sometimes…

family eating

Not coming home with you

You invite your boyfriend to come with you to visit your parents one weekend. He says, “I probably shouldn’t because I have a ton of work to do and should really catch up on sleep…” but then when he hears you talking about your hometown, and being with your family, he realizes he’s missed out on something really fun and something that was important to you, all so he could get a couple hours of work done.

"black man shrugging shoulders pf"

“It seems okay…”

Your boyfriend asks if it’s okay if he does something (go out of town for the third weekend in a row, invite a third wheel on your date) and you say yes. He accepts that at face value, thinking, “Well…for all practical reasons it should be fine for me to do that” and then he feels (usually because he senses it in you) that for emotional reasons, he shouldn’t have done it. This is, essentially, the theme of everything on this list.

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  • Mr. Frazier

    No men operate like this at all

  • As a man i “think” the author of this story needs to STFU!!!

  • Grafting female mannerisms onto men,and thinking men aren`t smart enough to notice.Nice try,not buying it.

  • SAD_FACED_CLOWN

    No man that I know rationalizes any of these situations in this way….if you believe men think like this no wonder you’re single

    • NYshorty

      You took the words right out my mouth!

  • Nope

    “Taking Separate Cars”

    lol, I just experienced this last week. And I STILL don’t think it would’ve made sense for me to drive 10 minutes back in the opposite direction to pick her up, when I was just 5 minutes away from where we needed to be….

    But to sum this list up, pretty much a man not thinking about the relationship 24/7 or thinking like a woman.

    • Richie

      where we often go wrong, is in trying to use reason to solve our problems. love is not based on practicalities; it is based on emotion. focus not on the distance you will drive, but on the bond you will share. in this circumstance, arriving in separate cars seems like the educated thing to do; however, over the course of time, educated conclusions such as these will leave you and your partner emotionally disconnected. do not undermine the sensual aspects of your relationship. you must always deliberate based on your bond, not on what is practical.

      • tiredofthebs

        co-sign!