Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is Head Really That Big Of A Deal For Men?

February 27, 2013  |  

I have a question for you. Some guy I know said that head is overrated. It shocked me cause I never heard I man say that before. Do more men feel that way, or is he just crazy?
Asking about Oral

Dear Oral,

I’m not sure exactly when and where it started—My best guess would be sometime after hearing Akinyele’s “Put It In Your Mouth” for the first time—but I remember being obsessed with the idea of someone going down on me. Actually, obsessed isn’t even the right word. This was an effing mission. A calling. A duty. I’d daydream about it while falling asleep in physics, wonder about it while waiting for the bus, and fantasize about it while at the foul line. Unfortunately, I was in high school at the time and I only dated black girls so, um…let’s just leave it at that.

Anyway, I finally was able to complete my mission when I got to college. And, while it felt very good, it was underwhelming. (I remember one of my teammates once remarking that it felt better than sex. After hearing that, I couldn’t help but think “What type of wack sex are you having?”) I thought this unremarkable experience would get better once I dated/hooked up with/slept with more women. But, after over a decade’s worth of oral sex, I can tell you that my feelings haven’t changed. Basically, I happen to personally agree with your friend. Receiving head is great. But, it’s not the end-all-be-all of sex some people make it out to be, and this makes it overrated.

(Interestingly enough, while I do think that head itself is overrated—I can honestly take it or leave it—I couldn’t be with a woman who didn’t enjoy doing it. The will/want to do it is more important to me than the actual act. I also seem to enjoy performing it much more than receiving.) 

Thing is, I can’t speak for every man. As alluded to earlier, some men (and women) do in fact think that head is the best part about sex. I’m just not one of them, and I suspect that your friend and I aren’t the only “crazy” men out there.


Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at

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  • Babydoll 70

    Well considering how “most” men treat women they will end up by themselves regardless.

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  • Yay!

    Just couldn’t resist the “black chicks don’t give head” jab…Getcha life!

  • Ladydi82

    Why are you asking “a very smart brotha”? Smh. Just ask your spouse (gf/bf). it always surprise me that simple things in the world most people make it difficult. SEX (oral or whatever) is not everything but it is important for most people. Just communicate with your gf/bf.
    SN: a male/female not enjoying oral is not completely happy (in bed).

  • hollyw

    Interesting…so basically, this entire generation of females has been wasting their time -___-

    Thanks for the heads up (pun intended)!!

    • Kahekili

      This entire generation of female what?

  • Nick

    A woman who is good at it and loves giving it is a major yes.

  • L-Boogie

    3 6 Mafia…enough said.

    • York

      LMAO!! They pretty much summed it up!!

  • Uncle Ray

    Speaking from the male point of view, he is right its about the desire and wanting to do it. If she is not into it, why bother. Vice versa

    • Nope

      I agree, why bother….. with her that is.

  • In the minority

    eh take it or leave it. Cant get off to it anyway

    • Mia

      You haven’t met the right chick (wink wink) looool

  • Kahekili

    I don’t doubt that it is.

  • bluekissess

    What happened to the rest of Q&A

  • kierah

    After hearing that, I couldn’t help but think “What type of wack head are you having?”

  • Stanley 001

    I’ll answers the question before I read. YES HEAD IS THAT BIG OF A DEAL FOR MEN LIKE ME.

    • teisharansom

      “Men like me” what does that mean? Maybe you shouldve read before answering because his answer was from personal experience and his opinion.

      • Stanley 001

        My answer is also from my personal experience and the men who have experienced similar things like me, thus comes the used of MEN LIKE ME. That’s what I meant..

        The writer and I don’t have to have the same views and experience at nothing. We’re different. You, however, have to respect his and my opinion like any respectable human being should.

        You said his answer was from his personal experience and his opinion, do you mean that only him can have personal experience and opinion? Or what exactly does that mean?