What’s The Rush? Are Male “Relationship Experts” Taking Their Quest To Marry Off Black Women Too Far?

February 24, 2013  |  

Credit: Shutterstock

From Essence

I can’t sit through one more sermon, debate or call-in radio show.

I can’t read another statistic-littered blog post, magazine article or self-help book jacket.

I can’t—and never will—pay good money for a singles conference, get anointed with special herbs and spices, or visit my local soothsayer for answers.

I can’t listen to one more piece of here’s-how-to-snag-a-husband-and-get-your-lonely-tail-down-the-aisle advice, especially from a man.

I’m over it. On behalf of all of us.

There are far, far too many self-proclaimed relationship experts and marriage gurus building their brands and platforms on Black women’s desire to be part of loving, committed couples. Our hope is their business opportunity. Those elements, juxtaposed with this pandemic spirit of scarcity that insists there’s a man shortage, has created a bountiful environment for every half-cocked, wannabe man whisperer.

You’ve got to check out the rest of the Write or Die Chick’s thoughts over on Essence.

What do you think? Have the relationship experts gone too far in their quest to try and “marry off” black women?

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Pingback: Essence editor fired after defending how black women should be portrayed | Bazaar Daily U.K()

  • kay

    I have been saying this for years!!! WHy would you listen to a man who has had more than 2 failed marriages? Steve Harveys advice always seemed like crap to me. His book is best suited for women who have not seen a successful relationship and dont have any clue what one looks like. Its sad but if fathers were more present in thier daughters lives we would laugh at Steve Harveys stupid books and advice about what to do to “catch” a man.Women we are prizes we are not to be chasing after any man. Listening to Steve Harvey will keep you single even longer. I am proud to say when I need advice I go to my father who has been maried to my mom for 31 years. Now thats the advice I need!!!

  • Reese


  • GeekMommaRants

    These stuff applies to those who want husbands and no one else. NEXT!!!

  • The market exists, because a certain type of black woman is eating this ish up.

  • me

    The question to ask is why women even keep listening to these fools. Steve Harvey? Tyrese? Really? The epitome of ignorant, retrograde black men dispensing advice. Child please. The only way to really ever grow in relationships is by doing and learning from your missteps. It’s really all about common sense and knowing yourself.

  • Nope

    Probably because most women have have fantasized about their marriage since they were 12….. This market exists and women eat this stuff up.

  • Guest

    Steve Harvey has been married and divorced several times. Hill Harper has never been married, yet these are the people who are considered experts that women are taking advice from!!! OK, no wonder, they’re alone and lonely!!! These are not experts, just men who are making careers out of not so secretive or useful advice!! The secret to landing a man and getting married is already known. It’s just that no one follows it anymore. Stop sleeping with these men out of wedlock, having babies, supporting them financially and just being a doormat!!! I know it sounds old fashioned and out of style, but guess what, it worked for our mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers, etc. If free p^ssy stopped being available men would do whatever they had to do to get it, like they used to do which included marriage. As long as women are willing to give them everything, why shouldn’t they take it!!!!

    • me

      True, but plenty of those marriages were a mess, too. There is no one-size fits all approach to this stuff and that’s what folks do not get. The old fashioned way was not perfect either.

      • MarriedWisdom

        With almost all Black children being born out of wedlock and being raised by men who aren’t their biological fathers, it was better than what we have today. I’ve never had a hard time getting married and the only thing I can say is that I don’t move in with men, I don’t let them move in with me, I don’t give them money, and I don’t have their kids out of wedlock. There’s no reason for a man to commit to a woman if she’s already committed everything to him. I’ve always gotten the ring – to the annoyance of my girlfriends – because I don’t settle. I’m worth it and I know it so I don’t have too. More women start setting higher standards, they’d be married too.

        • Guest

          Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • me

          My point is that if we are honest with ourselves, A LOT of those marriages from decades past were beyond screwed up and really should never have lasted as long as they did. Yes, there is something to be said for all of what you point out. My parents have been married for more than 40 years and I thank God for it. There’s is a good marriage, but even they’ve had their ups and downs – but they are strong and raised my sister and I to be solid, productive adults. However, for every marriage like my parents’ there are ten that are a volatile, toxic mess. Raising kids in a dysfunctional two-parent home is no better than a single parent doing it. Just because a man is committed to a woman on paper (or vice versa for that matter) does not mean he is truly committed and people do not want to admit that. How many of us raised in the seventies and eighties had MARRIED uncles and relatives who were dogs and made no qualms about it? Be real. Have standards, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that having a conventional marriage will always be the key to happiness and stability. Get to know your partner before you start having babies and moving in, and take it from there.

  • Stanley 001

    I’m getting sicker of this every single day.

  • ttoya

    I think A males opinion could be very helpful to black women. What about they try finding husbands b4 they have children. Dont they see the negative impact of fatherless kids

  • Reese

    Steve Harvey didn’t say anything profound in his book. It was a decent read and I bought it just to see what it was all about. I’m in no rush to get married because in the words of Frankie Beverly “I want to make sure I’m right before I let go.” Some of these relationship “experts” but the brunt of the burden on black women. Are black men preparing themselves to be husbands? Do they want to be husbands?

  • Babydoll 70

    I’m so sick of this. I’m not particularly a Steve Harvey fan but quit referring to him as a relationship expert, he even said he was not a relationship expert and that the wrote his book mainly because of his daughters. Quit putting qualifications on people that they don’t even put on themselves.

  • ThatzRight

    I’m more concerned about being a Loser than a Loner. I embrace my unmarried status. Should a professional opportunity that requires relocation/significant travel come along; I won’t ‘need his permission’ to pursue the prospect. My money is my money too – whether I’m making 1200 a day or 12.00/hr….I insist on a prenup (right, Terry McMillan and Star Jones?) – and a lot of these opportunistic scrubs ain’t goin for that. I may be more eager out of my 30’s….but right now the only fancy dress I crave an occasion to purchase it for is my Awards nomination[s]. If only more women knew….that it’s women like ME who get proposed to way more often – because ‘we’ don’t go into conniptions every time an engagement ring commercial comes on television. Although many trends have changed and it’s ‘okay’ for a female to take initiative in some arenas; a real man still wants to be the one who puts [marriage] on the table. I’m proof. Try it out. Let’s be more concerned with securing our credit, eduction, and travelling. The menfolk will follow!

    • yeppers

      I agree…only bitter women who sittin around here waitin on a man would thumb you down… GO HEAD SISTA!!

      SORRY….not sorry.

  • Kahekili

    These men who give ‘advice’ to women are doing so for their benefit, not the woman’s. They are not meant to be taken seriously.

  • hollyw

    SAY THAT! Sorry to sound a bit prejudiced, but I don’t trust 90% of male relationship experts. I don’t think most have Black women’s best interests at heart, and that it’s a conflict of interest for most, either b/c of their own relationship issues, or b/c they really don’t even like Black women. You can hear the misogyny and condescension ooze from each piece of advice they give. For others, it’s like a White man giving advice to Black men for how to make it in White-run corporate America; they try their best, but ultimately want Blacks to cater to their weaknesses rather than build the strongest candidate possible.

    …and Steve Harvey was a lot funnier BEFORE his book!

    • Me

      I can’t stand Steve! He’s been married 3 times. How do you know about women? I want to hear from the man who has been married for years to the same woman!

      • Mia

        Thank you! Steve is the biggest fraud of all and a hustler, preying on the fears of black women desperate for marriage.

  • Kam

    The only time any woman should need help from an expert on a relationship is if she can’t get over the hurt/pain/rejection/etc that she experienced in a previous relationship or the absenteeism of her father. Common sense should tell you what these cats are making millions off of repeating. One thing my parents told me growing up was you can’t make someone want to be with you. If the one you want doesn’t want you, move on with your life.

  • SheBe

    “But while they’re developing this seemingly ever-growing checklist of qualifications that is supposed to make a woman wife material, who is preparing these brothers to be husbands?” <<< SHE SAID THAT! Great article by Essence. She laid it down and nothing else needs to be said. My husband and I had this discussion the other day after we read this on Single Black Male's website. An expert is well versed and "perfect" in his/her craft. These people, most of the time, are titled as "experts" because they probably said something that was profound by their audience of the moment when they are speaking from their experience or just don't know what the hell they are talking about. Like she said, there will always be an audience for this type of opportunity.