‘Blended Families Are Never Easy:’ Jada Pinkett-Smith Offers Advice On Accepting A Man’s Children In Open Letter

February 20, 2013  |  

Source: Facebook

Back when Jada and Will Smith tied the knot, she realized that not only was she gaining a husband, but also a son, whom she would have to love and cherish as if he were her own. She recognized that with that child, came his mother, Will’s ex-wife, Sheree Fletcher and she knew that for the benefit of everyone in that family, she would have to form a decent relationship with Sheree. The actress posted a tough love, open letter to her Facebook page, addressing that very subject. She doesn’t exactly say who the letter is intended for, but it seems that anyone going through a similar experience can benefit from it. Check out the letter below.

“A Letter to a Friend:
Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.”

Jada is kicking major knowledge.

What do you think of her letter?



Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise.

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  • Mommatofour

    While I agree with Jada on the portion of putting the children and their parents relationship first, I have to disagree with getting along with their important mother. I have tried hands down to get along with my stepdaughters mother only to have it thrown in my face. My husband’s ex left him for his brother, therefore my stepchildren live part time with their uncle and no one has ever shown them that it is wrong! I have always been treated by the mother as if I broke their relationship when the fact is I came long after she broke her own marriage.
    The most breaking point for me was when she asked me one day to keep her oldest daughter, she didn’t want her anymore because she was too much like her father. I couldn’t bear to have my stepdaughter hear those words so I remained calm and explained to her mother that she was angry over whatever but wasn’t meaning what she was saying. I told her that she needed to really think about what she was saying. I told her I would love to have her daughter live with us but hurting her daughter was not the answer. She needed to stop being so angry about screwing her own life up and stop taking it out on everyone else.
    Sometimes the situations are different and you cannot form a good relationship with the ex. I have always put my stepdaughters first and have always been there when they’ve needed anything but I will not sacrifice my own happiness to try to get along with their mother.

  • I love it and concur with her staement. I have seen family memebers who blocked their kids relationship with their fathers because they didn’tthe kids mother! that is utterly dumb to me. Kudos to Jada for the advice of a Queen.

  • As a mother, my son is equally precious to me as my daughter I birthed. My son came along with my then husband. His mother has since passed away, and it has all been difficult to put it nice. I realized that every young man needs his father. When he and I were dating my time was always secondary to his son. My last conversation with his mother before her passing was so emotional. Neither of us knew it was the last time we would speak, but God knew. My words were honest. We cried. My son has two mothers. One in heaven and me right here on earth. Blended families are beyond hard. But they are equally awesome and rewarding. Women need to understand that it is a situation of your choosing. Don’t complain when it isn’t going your way. WORK at making it work if your heart is in it. Don’t be fake children sense that.

  • Dichu eba realy lub mehSteebie

    I love this! Amen Jada! Too many women waste so much effort on men who are trying to move on and trying to tear a good thing apart. I have so much respect for this woman. And little Jaden is so cuute!

  • guest

    I agree wholeheartedly with Jada…But, I also find that knowledge like that is soooo much easier to drop when you’re on the other side and have already overcome the hard parts. I am glad that she’s sharing her story and being relatively realistic (“We didn’t always LIKE each other…”), but I’m sure it wasn’t such a love-fest when they were in the midst of everything and the side-eye was flowing wildly. Moving towards positivity is a must in these types of situations, but there will very likely be some degree of shade during that ‘growing pains’ time of the journey.

  • Good Cookie

    She is so right. Even though she didn’t offer any advice on how to handle the bitter ex. I figured that out by dealing with a lot of drama and finally giving it to God.

    • Kahekili

      What is the obsession you all have with calling women ‘bitter’?

      Bitter: (of people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment

      • Say Whaat

        Please stfu you troll

        • NickyB

          A ‘troll’ is someone who intentionally stirs up people, goes off-topic and adds nothing valuable to the discussion taking place. As a matter of fact, YOU referring to the poster above as a ‘troll’ while adding nothing of intelligence of your own and derailing the comment section is what makes YOU a troll. Instead of you harassing other people, try behaving like an adult and rationally discuss why you disagree with the comment. If you cannot do that, then move on.

      • GoodCookie

        How else do u explain a female (not a woman) that does not move on, mistreat their own kids out of hate for their dad and hurt their kids feelings talking bad about their father who is actually a good father and his new wife who is all smiles and good to the kids also.

        • Kahekili

          If the ‘female’ you speak of is not a woman, then what kind of female is it? A female dolphin? Female bird? Female insect?

          • GoodCookie

            A woman does not act in that manner. A female can and will. Comprehend and let it go.

            • Kahekili

              There is no issue of comprehension. You just seem to believe that if you reduce a woman down to her biological characteristics that somehow explains her behavior. It does not. It makes no sense.

            • Kahekili

              I take it you have a lot of resentment toward other women. Wanting to know why Jada did not talk about the ‘bitter’ ex-girlfriend/wife and referring to women as ‘females’ are huge indicators.

              • GoodCookie

                Actually no. But blending a family is not easy. I’m stating that even if the relationship didn’t work out. Don’t mistreat the kids and hate the next woman. So what do u call a woman so mad at her own life she stirs up mess and drama In everyone else’s. if bitter is not it. Ill take miserable for a million bucks.

  • springtime55

    I wish I could express myself as well as she……You Go Girl!

  • Guest360

    Say what you want about her and Will’s parenting skills but you gotta give them credit for this one. I have never seen a more stable blended family then the one they’ve created (at least it appears that way). They are the standard of how good a blended family can be. Hopefully some follow in their footsteps and man/woman up.

  • Patricia

    I agree. When you marry someone that has children from a previous relationship,it is a package deal. The parent must be mature enough to have that conservation with their ex to make sure that the air is clear. The same for the new person, that have to understand that they had children with them and they will always be their mother or father and they will always have involvement.

    • Kahekili

      It is only a package deal if the parent actually takes care of the children who they had before the new marriage.

      • MLS2698

        True, and a smart woman requires that a man take care of his responsibilities. For the life of me, I can’t see why any woman would want a man who doesn’t. Surely, as Jada stated, it would have to be a very insecure woman, who wants her man, but not all parts of him because she sees them as a threat.

      • Dichu eba realy lub mehSteebie

        I don’t know who thumbs you down but if I could thumbs you up 10 times, I would!

  • kierah