Double Standards Men Just Have To Deal With (*Kanye Shrug*)

February 19, 2013  |  

 

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Somewhere along the line the term “double standard” became accepted as only applicable to women. But there are plenty of, “Wait a minute…that’s not fair!” moments that men experience. They may not tell women because women would feel offended —even though women can point out double standards against them left and right. Consider that double standard #1. And here are the rest.

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In the breakup, the man is the jerk

Think about this: when your friend leaves a guy, it is because he was a jerk, right? And if he leaves her, it’s because he was a jerk, right? Men can never walk away from a relationship as the winners. But have you thought about this: that jerk didn’t force your friend to date him. That was her decision. He was always who he is, and who he is didn’t work for the girl. She was (sorry to say it) dumb enough to get involved with him in the first place.

"paying the bill pf"

Men must always pay

If a man asks for the date, he’s expected to pay. But if a woman asks for the date, the man is still expected to pay. Any event/activity that requires money is essentially put on him—he didn’t ask for it—and he still has to pay.

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Men have to do all the asking

If a man waits an entire week to text/call/ask out a woman, he was lazy, or failed to show interest. It’s equally scary for both parties to make themselves vulnerable and call/ask out someone who they still don’t know totally likes them. And yet, men are expected to charge into that scary territory and if they don’t they’re jerks/not interested. Meanwhile women are praised for playing hard to get and not texting or calling. But playing hard to get is the easiest thing in the world! It means sitting back and letting someone else do all the work.

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If a man cheats, he’s a pig; if a woman cheats, she was neglected

If a man cheats, it’s always attributed to his unquenchable thirst for sex. It must have been all about having a hookup for the night. It has nothing to do with problems in his relationship. If a woman cheats, everyone automatically assumes it’s because her partner was insensitive or neglecting her in some way. And that forced her to look elsewhere to fill her needs. There you have it: women, apparently, have no choice but to cheat. Men are just selfish jerks.

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Men can’t have female friends; women can have male friends

Women will assure you that they have complete command over their feelings at all times and would never cross the line—emotionally or physically—with a male friend. They claim that once they put a man in the friend’s box, he stays there. However, if a man has female friends, all of those friendships are questioned. His girlfriend will say that he must be attracted to his female friends, and that he is at risk of giving into temptation with one of them one night.

"Couple flirting in the park pf"

Women are friendly; men are flirty

If a man simply sparks up a conversation with a woman, he must have an agenda of getting a phone number, or getting into a woman’s pants. If a woman starts talking to a guy, or at least encourages his advances, she is just “being friendly.” In other words, women can go around striking up conversation whenever they feel lonely or social, without any negative responses. Men constantly get cold shoulders and the “I have a boyfriend” line simply by saying “hi.”

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Women care; men are critical

When a man asks a woman how her day went, how an interview went, or if she applied to any new jobs, or how a project at work is going, he’s considered critical. The woman feels that he is checking to see if she is working hard enough, being ambitious enough and staying on track. And so she gets irritated. But a woman can ask how and where every minute of a man’s day was spent, and it’s all under the light that she cares.

"Couple cuddling on couch pf"

Men are whipped; women are lucky

It’s perfectly normal for a woman to ask for more time with her man. Sure, she may be labeled as “needy” or “clingy” but it fits within her gender role to ask for one-on-one time. If a man agrees to spend more time with his girlfriend he is seen as “whipped” or as “giving in.” His friends question his manhood if he just simply wants more nights in with his girlfriend.

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Men are players; women are being smart

If two people have just begun dating and it’s discovered the man is seeing multiple people, he’s a player, a jerk and promiscuous. If the woman resists putting all her eggs in the basket and entertains multiple suitors, she is being smart and looking out for herself.

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Men are mean; women are assertive

If a man chews a waitress out for being rude or sloppy, he is mean, rude and insensitive. If a man tells his girlfriend she is being out of line in any way, he is being mean. If a woman tells off that same waitress, or tells her man when he is being out of line, she is praised for being assertive, communicative and strong.

 

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A man needs a therapist; a woman needs a different lover

If a man has trouble performing sexually or reaching the mountain top per say, he must have some deep emotional or psychological issues that need to be addressed. If a woman struggles to release, it’s always her partner’s fault.

"disconnected couple pf"

Women are teasing; men are insensitive

Women regularly will grab their men’s love handles and say, “Somebody’s been drinking a few too many” in a cute, sing songy voice that is somehow supposed to make those words okay. If the man is offended, the woman accuses him of being too sensitive or even “girly.” She’ll say she’s “just teasing.” If a man tells a woman she’s put on weight. Game. Over. World War III. Couples Therapy Is Required.

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A woman is focused; a man is being lazy

If a man takes half a day to respond to a woman’s text, he is a lazy boyfriend. He is neglecting his partner. He isn’t making enough effort to sliver out the time to dedicate to his partner. If a woman takes half a day to respond, she is praised for being focused on her work and her own life, and not letting her relationship interfere with it.

"Couple talking pf"

Men are troubled; women are open

On a first date, if a man shares stories about his childhood traumas, or a fight he is in with his parents, or the anger he has towards his boss, he is considered “troubled.” He is judged as unstable, and perhaps harboring anger issues and emotional hang-ups. If a woman shares intimate details of her life, she is “open.” She is “just comfortable” with her life and her story.

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  • webx

    Some of these are actually backlash from previous double-standards. For instance, “A man is aggressive, a woman is assertive” is almost backlash from the prior “A man is a stern leader, a woman is a B&*()”

    But one thing I can certainly say about these kinds of articles: It makes it TONS easier to talk calmly about things against women when your own side is also considered. Had this ended with “but they are just whiners”, I would not have called out the above. Empathy creates empathy, and I try to make that my stance on gender issues. Thanks for the article!

  • hollyw

    So, all of these stereotypes are DEF in existence…but why men should “just have to deal with…”?? Ya lost me =|

    • webx

      That was the first double standard she mentioned, actually.

      Guys have to “deal with it” because we have no medium with which we can bring it up and be taken seriously. Some other guys might understand. But generally, you’ll be hearing “just deal with it, dude. Nobody likes a whiner” from men and often a very backhanded or condescending remark from women about how men have no right to talk about such issues or how “men did it to ourselves”. We don’t have a movement that puts these kinds of things in textbooks. Therefore they don’t exist.

      I believe that’s what the Kanye shrug is for?

  • Kahekili

    Come on, now. This is ridiculous.

  • CC

    I think all of you have valid points, however, THEY ARE STILL OPINIONS!!! I feel you are only going by your personal experiences which is fine, like someone said we are all human, man or woman. I think what the author is trying to say is these are justifications that women make for the noted situations and most other women will agree. Women that have had a different experience in that area are likely to disagree. Oh well, btw, my birthday is tomorrow!!! 🙂

    • my bday is today!

      • CC

        Happy Birthday Jason!!!

        • ty! 1 year closer to 40 ((sigh)) lol

          • CC

            Ha ha, me too, I’ll be the big/little 3-2!!! Still have a few more before I start wrinkling though (O_O)……. yw 🙂

            • hollyw

              LMBO ya’ll are RIDICULOUS.

  • Candacey Doris

    I don;t think this article is 100%.. Cheaters are cheaters no matter what. Having friends of the opposite sex depends on the person. Some people just can’t keep someone in the friend box. A lot of these double standards have to do with people who like to make excuses rather than face reality.

  • wow

    As a female I find this whole article completely backwards.

    • Stanley 001

      As a man I hate it.

    • Kahekili

      What kind of ‘female’ are you?

      • hollyw

        …what “kind”?? Boy, bye.

        • Kahekili

          ‘Females’ can be animals or humans.

    • Keisha Samoht

      its very condescending to me, most i agreed some i was like Huh?

  • Tonyoardee

    As a man i applaud this post, in relationship quarrels its always is our fault and especially the cheating thing, its like society believes women cant be deviant. The sexual imperfections post was spot on to, f hes not sexually satisfied its his fault, if shes not sexually satisfied its still his fault WTF!!?!?!

  • Yea the women cheating thing i’ll never understand. Here we are in 2013 and when it comes to affairs its still always the mans fault. I have yet at 37 years old to hear 1 single woman say “yea i cheated because i wanted to and it had nothing to do with my hubby/bf”. wth?!

    • Nope

      I’ve never heard a woman admit to any speck of fault in a failed relationship period, even if infidelity wasn’t a factor.

    • rosetta’s stoned

      A woman wont say that because men and women are two different creatures. If a woman is a in a fulfilling relationship she has no reason to cheat. Woman a men DO cheat for different reasons, This Does NOT make it right at all but this is true. I am a woman and we all think alike. Any woman who disagrees is lying. If a woman is in a decent, fulfilling relationship with her significant other, explain to me why she would have to cheat?

      • !!!!!!!!!!!!!

        All women do not think alike..we are not all cut from the same cloth!!!!!!!!

      • OHHH

        Same reason why a man who is in a decent, fulfiling relationship with his significant other would cheat. Cheating is a HUMAN character flaw not your significant other’s fault. The reason why a person would cheat is because he or she is dishonest and disloyal, got nothing to do with having a fulfilling relationship or not. It’s just like lying and stealing. It’s a HUMAN FLAW.

        • Rosetta’s Stoned

          A man will cheat “just because.” A woman will NOT. SORRY we’re not built that way.

          • Kahekili

            A man will cheat because he has been socialized to think that having sex with multiple women is a sign of real manhood, not because they are ‘built’ that way.

            • rosetta’s stoned

              Correct

          • Nope

            Men cheat for sex. Women cheat for attention, which includes intimate conversations with another man, even if sex doesn’t take place.

            • webx

              As I’ve been studying, Men cheat for sex, or other aspect of intimacy or love. Women, on the other hand……Do the exact same thing.

              We’re built to be incredibly emotionally, and even sexually, intimate with tribes of, like, 20 people. The average hunter-gatherer is closer to their tribe than the probably the closest married couples.

              And sex was certainly something that happened much, MUCH more.

              We’re sexually starved, so we try to hoard whatever sex we can get, and break rules to get more sex. It’s why cheating is such a monstrous betrayal, yet at the same time, why it’s so freaking common.

      • Kahekili

        Women and men are not two different creatures. That kind of thinking is why there are so many issues in the first place. Furthermore, all of us women do not think alike. Any woman who disagrees with you is not lying.

        • webx

          I think that when people are much closer together, women’s emotional and comfort requirements for sex are met to a much greater degree. In such a case, a man’s comparatively heavier emphasis on appearance isn’t much of an issue.

          Take out the bonding between people, and you end up with a lot of women who want sex, but not with anyone they know of, and guys who have constantly active libidos who feel frustrated by women’s apparent lack of interest.

          That’s how I see it, anyway.

          • webx

            The point I meant to make is that men and women have naturally balanced libidos. Women used to be considered the “insatiable ones” until Darwin’s Origin of the Species compared humans to Chimps, in which males are always sexually starved to insanity, and the females only have sex to get food from the males.

            Imagine had he discovered the Bonobos instead.

  • Nope

    I endorse this article.