How Celibacy Is Going To Change My Life In 2013

February 22, 2013  |  

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It’s simple really. Being a single young woman today FOR ME means forging my own path despite the glut of overt societal messages being hurled my way. Sex has become a careless pastime. A punchline. A tagline. A selling point. A last resort (or first, depending on the circumstances and feelings attached) to cement a relationship. In a lot of ways sex has become a cheapened fling when emotions are running high and self-esteem is running low. This isn’t the case for everyone, of course, but for many.

The moment when I veered off of my previous trajectory of celibacy was not because I had met The One. It wasn’t because I loved him. It was because I had not fully allowed my sense of self worth to sink in. It was because I was still looking for my value in the adoration of a man. I was because I was too afraid to venture into the world, alone. To get to know myself by myself. So, I settled for being intimate with, playing at a relationship with someone I knew wasn’t part of my forever.

…But he made me feel comfortable right now. And subconsciously I felt that physical intimacy was a way to keep him around.

It’s now 2013 and the hiccups of years past are so apparently lessons learned. Lessons so well-learned that I made the choice along with two of my girlfriends to recommit to celibacy. Not to see how long we can hold out. Not to tease potential suitors. But to eliminate the stress and anxiety and overwhelming feelings that undoubtedly cloud judgment and place an opaque veneer over how one views herself. Even the most confident individuals have been bested by scurrying thoughts after sex. I choose to avoid these feelings that accompany sexual intimacy and channel that center of energy toward crossing off some dreams and goals from my “Lifetime To Do” List.

Choosing celibacy THIS TIME has absolutely nothing to do with men but everything to do with me. If 2013 really is going to be my year of true self-discovery and accomplishment, I have to prune the tree to prepare for its growth. I’ve eliminated toxic relationships and friendships from my life. Committed to a healthier lifestyle with semi-regular (still working on it!) exercise and MUCH better eating habits than in years past. I’ve gotten my finances in order. I’ve started to pay closer attention to my communication skills and how to better improve them. For me, choosing celibacy naturally falls in line. I’m not one of those, “She’s-got-to-have-it” types. I’m not embarrassingly/irritatingly prudish. But I am all about self-improvement and what better way to improve myself than to commit to an all-encompassing healthy lifestyle? Not everyone is willing/strong enough to accept the challenge but today, I am.

La Truly’s writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check her out on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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  • Keisha Samoht

    Sometimes being celibate can get extremely hard… temptation lurking from every corner before your very eyes. To every person who was and still is able to overcome temptation; i applaud you for your will power.

  • L-Boogie

    Interesting. I thought celibacy was for losers? Oh, my bad.

    • MLS2698

      No. But HIV is………. if they have the proper information and choose to ignore. Where have you been lately?

      • Nope

        People usually catch an STD from someone they know, not some random encounter. So I don’t see the direct correlation between celibacy and HIV. Being celibate doesn’t mean mean one person or the other still might not have HIV or anything else.

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    I’ve been celibate all my life and while it isn’t easy, I have avoided a lot of stress and drama associated with having pre-marital sex. I have to pray every day lol.

    • kaf

      I feel you! I have to ask for so much grace and mercy all the time, as it takes a lot of self control and discipline to do it, its not easy but at the end its going to be worth it!!!

  • Nope

    I applaud any woman that practices celibacy for herself, and not just to slow her numbers down or uses it to test men. Also, waiting for you doesn’t mean waiting with you, so don’t get upset if he still plays the field (especially if you don’t even have a ring or he isn’t really your man to being with).

    • GeekMommaRants

      So one is celibate and the other maybe HIV positive. WOW

      • Nope

        I person can get an STD from their spouse. So lets end this myth that people are catching it from a skank in some alley. Also, it doesn’t take multiple partners to catch something. While it greatly increases a person’s chances, all it takes is 1 person, 1 time. So lets also end the myth that people are catching STDs at wild orgies.

        • GeekMommaRants

          There was no skank mentioned in my comment. There was a celibate and a HIV positive one.

      • Nope

        Celibacy and actual testing are two completely different things. A lot of people will play the celibacy card, but still never ever get tested for anything or have their partner to do the same….. until they’re already showing symptoms. So you’re comparing apples and oranges.

        • GeekMommaRants

          Actually if one partner believes they must sleep with a % of people in their state. being positive is only a matter of time. Everyone who has sex has sex with their partner and everyone the partner has ever slept with. No apples and oranges.

  • Stanley 001

    Good for you sister.. You deserve the best..