Single And Ready To Mingle: Why I Decided To Lighten Up And Just Date In A City I Once Thought Had No Eligible Bachelors

8 Comments
February 27, 2013 ‐ By Erica R. Williams
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

The older I get the more serious I become. So it’s only natural that dating falls in that category of seriousness. In the past my criteria for going on a date with a man wasn’t determined by how fast I thought we could possibly walk down the aisle. Instead, I would accept if there was any type of attraction, physical or mental, or if I simply needed something to do that weekend. Dating was fun; but somehow along the way, just like many things that become tainted with ‘adult-boringness’, it became too serious. Well recently I decided, as a single woman, to just allow myself to date, without the subconscious tendencies of trying to find my husband.

I’m sure this super serious attitude about dating has come with age. I recently celebrated another single birthday surrounded by friends and family members who were hoping that one of the guys at my party was in fact my date. They weren’t…just friends; but as a sidebar, I had an amazing birthday proving that you don’t need a man to have a good time, even as you get older.

I would be dishonest if I said I didn’t have reoccurring thoughts of getting married. But I also know that no amount of thinking will make the man of my dreams appear out of nowhere. And in order to meet him, I’m sure I have to date, right?

So what’s the reason for my dating revelation? There is no particularly profound reason, besides the fact that I’ve moved to a small city where the pool of “I could possibly marry you” guys appears to be almost slim to none. So does that mean I shouldn’t explore all my options? Initially I thought it did. I had made up in my mind that my dating life would be nonexistent for as long as my two-year job contract lasted in this city full of men that I didn’t think I could marry; but recently I’ve had a change of heart. I don’t have to date to marry. I can date to have a good time.

I should be able date to have a good conversation, eat a great meal, see a new movie, or to get out of the house and enjoy some male companionship. Maybe he doesn’t meet any of the items on my ‘hubby potential’ checklist; but this guy could possibly become a good friend.

Dating, just like many things in life, doesn’t have to be taken too seriously. So far, since I’ve decided to lighten up and just date, I’ve met some great guys and have had much more fun on a Friday night than I would sitting at home downloading books on my Kindle, that I will probably never read.

I’ve had great conversations and been places in the city that I probably wouldn’t go to solo. Some of the guys have been immediately dismissed after the first date while others have moved to the second round. I know I’m making it sound like a game, but to a certain extent it is. And it keeps me from taking it or myself way too seriously.

So maybe the dates won’t end in a love connection or maybe to my pleasant surprise, one of them will. Still, what am I losing by relaxing and enjoying the company of a man? Now this doesn’t mean I accept a date from any man that is old enough to ask, it means that I don’t immediately eliminate him because he isn’t husband potential. Instead, I’m just dating. And only time, not preconceived thoughts, will tell if it leads to something other than just a date. So to all of my women that are single and ready to mingle, let’s just lighten up and have fun.

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  • Raeday

    I actually enjoyed reading the article! Dating is a game. It really is like Survivor! But why not enjoy the company of someone when your bored on a Friday night? It’s just a date it’s not marriage or a commitment your exploring your options in the market. But in the end this is just my opinion to each is own. HAPPY DATING!

  • sabrina

    Maybe it’s cause I’m still young, or maybe not, but I still won’t accept dates with anyone I can’t see potential with. Usually, when a guy asks you out, he has a romantic interest in you. If I know that I have absolutely no interest in him, I’m not going to go. I don’t want to lead him on, only to have him friendzoned in the end.

    • Nope

      Men ask you out because they have a SEXUAL interest in you. For most men dating is NOT a path to marriage or a relationship. Women usually have marriage and a relationship on their mind from jump, men want those things with a woman (and it might not even be you) over time.

      • sabrina

        Well that’s even more of a reason for me to not entertain these men that I have no interest in.

        But let me get this straight…men will ask you out in hopes of getting you in bed with them, but if the woman proves to actually be enjoyable and adds a lot to his life, he then considers getting into a relationship with her?

        • Nope

          “men will ask you out in hopes of getting you in bed with them, but if the woman proves to actually be enjoyable and adds a lot to his life, he then considers getting into a relationship with her?”

          Yes.

  • Karma

    At my age, I personally prefer to date with a purpose instead of dating for sport. Why waste time dating someone who may not share the same relationship goals? Wasted time is something that we can not get back.

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  • Nope

    So, you want props for realizing that a husband won’t come in an instant micowavable packet? I really wish more women understood the definition of dating.