My Girlfriend Is Tired Of Us Hiding Our Relationship But I Can’t Come Out Of The Closet

February 15, 2013  |  

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From Essence

Q: I am a closeted lesb1an, and I’m not proud of that fact, even though I haven’t had the chance to be open about it. I am struggling because of my culture and my religion. I feel as though my sexuality will disappoint my family and friends, and that it will change their perception of me. I love my girlfriend. In the beginning, she was fine with me hiding who I really am, but now she is starting to feel as though she is my “dirty little secret.” I am finding it difficult to make her understand my situation. She is demanding things I cannot give her. I cannot be open; it wouldn’t be fair to my family. This is putting a strain on our relationship and we have been arguing more frequently over petty things. I’m not sure how to go about this, but I do know I want to be happy, and that she makes me happy. I love the being in her presence. What should I do?

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  • Nikki

    I had this problem with my ex. At first, I was OK with giving her time to see where we went before deciding to come out, but after a year, I was tired of hiding it. I wanted to be able to go to the mall and actually hold her hand or cuddle in the movies. I gave her one more year to figure out what she wanted to do. Her dad was a pastor so I knew it was a tough decision, but I got tired of waiting and left. Fast forward 5 years and she finally came out a few months ago. *slow clap* I wasn’t about to wait 5 years lol

    • JJ

      you are so lucky 🙂

  • Ruth Cherie

    As a former bi-sexual, black woman I can relate to the dilemma Anonymous presented. I struggled with homosexual attractions since I was 5. I’m 28 now. God showed me that I needed to desire Him and when my focus started being on Him He eliminated my desire for homosexual attractions. I pray that you want to achieve a relationship with God and if you do He will lead you to a decision that will be pleasing to both Him and you. Take care 🙂

  • I’m sorry, but your family probably already know that you are gay. Especially if there’s no talk of a man. We already fear what our family thinks, but did you ever think that your happiness is a bit more important than a few clucks of tongues? Be yourself! Your SO shouldn’t want to be your ‘dirty little secret’.

  • tasha

    Easy religion throw that out the window simply fact your going to hell n e way. I love what God loves and hates what he hates that all am saying 2nd most people around u probably already know your gay. When people come out the closet everybody else is normally waiting on confirmation so live ur gay life openly. I dont know why some ppl wanna be locked away when honestly most of the time ppl already know.

  • You are not in a relationship, you are hooking up. Don’t get me wrong, hooking up is ok if that’s what you want to do. Find someone like you that just wants to hook up and then return to their “real life”. There are many. Wish you the best.

  • Lo

    Girl, you better live your life for yourself! You will only truly be happy when you are true to yourself.

  • kierah

    Girlfriend, you are disrespecting your woman. If the relationship means that much to you, you will come out. If you don’t feel this relationship is worth disappointing your family, then let her go so she can find a more fulfilling relationship. At this point, neither of you are happy.