Want to Make the First Move? 9 Things NOT To Do When Approaching a Guy

February 15, 2013 ‐ By Brooke Dean


With Valentine’s Day love still lingering in the air, you may be getting a little antsy if you don’t have a boyfriend, or at least somebody to go out with from time to time. For some reason, V-Day fuels the pressure some people feel to be coupled up, and they’ll go to extreme measures not to spend that day, let alone the entire weekend, solo. So, if you’re one of those women who absolutely MUST find a date, consider the possibility that you may have to take matters into your own hands and approach that guy you’ve had your eye on for some time now. After all, what do you have to lose? Just point him out to Cupid so he can bust an arrow in his behind and it’s all good right? If only it were that easy. Approaching a guy doesn’t have to be daunting, and if you’re a confident, hot woman it’s no sweat off your back. But, if you’ve never approached a guy before and want to give it a try, make sure you don’t make these mistakes when you want to make your intentions known.

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  • Vandellish

    #10. Don’t give him your personal or professional résumé

    When I turned 27 I took the mindset that I was ready to meet more high-integrity women. On my birthday I remember going to a promotional event and a very pretty lady came up to me and asked me to help her up on a stool (she had on a semi-long and tight dress) next to me. I obliged and we chatted and somehow the topic turned to her current success which included her swanky apartment/neighborhood, her dream automobile she’d just purchased and the fact that she’s had all this success way before 30. Though I was genuinely happy for her these things didn’t do a thing to make her more appealing to me. Often times we (men and women) look at the opposite sex and think that what turns us on will also turn them on. In some cases it does but we all know that men and women have different attraction triggers. A man with a great job, sharp car and high-profile may attract many women but guys like myself are turned on by warmth, humor, friendliness and understanding in women (along with beauty of course). We typically don’t give a shyt about their professional/social profile as long as she’s within the law and can stand on her own.

    So ladies be warm, playful and honestly curious when approaching a guy. Only discuss your career accomplishments and/or your heavy duty accessories when asked.

  • Vandellish

    As a guy I say the list is decent except I disagree with #4. ‘Don’t be nervous’ and #8 ‘Don’t approach him alone.’
    #4. ‘Don’t be nervous
    Never in my life have I seen a guy get turned off or even bothered by a woman who was nervous when meeting him. We get nervous our damn selves (don’t believe fake dudes who say they don’t) and it is actually charming to see it flipped around. Also, it’s laughable that a person could be looked upon as weak if they’re approaching a stranger out of nowhere. That takes confidence, guts and true interest and any signs of nervousness simply means that person is alive.
    #8 ‘Don’t approach him alone’
    I don’t know any guys that care about this. It would seem that this one supports the ‘don’t be nervous’ thing because I don’t know any other reason why a girl would want to bring others around an approach other than the fact that she wanted some support. Honestly, most men simply won’t care who’s with you or not. ‘Nope’ made a great point that the guy may be more interested in your friend(s) which is also something to consider. Just understand that most men don’t get approached very often (because women still think traditionally) so we’re usually happy that women are trying to get to know us and could care less who they’re with.
    Good list overall.

  • Keisha Samoht

    Most of these are dead on.

  • NarutoFriendOmoi

    Women approaching men is in. 2013 is the onset of an awesome awesome generation.


    sigh. NOT EVERY MAN IS THE SAME. what might turn one off, will sure get you a ring from another. guys tweak, just like we do and yes they go through worst more rejections than we do. STOP approaching men with thought of licking the sweat off his arse and see him as your brother (for those who dont fawk siblings) and try to be friends first. yes, he might not like you, but, IT’S THE MAN THAT IS LOOKING FOR A WIFE, NOT A WOMAN LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND. yall will have ppl looking like booboo with all his foolishness.

  • Kahekili

    This list could work for a woman approaching a man or a man approaching a woman.

  • Stanley 001

    Don’t be desperate?????

    • Nope

      Yeah, that one should have said “don’t let him know that you ARE desperate”. Because we all know that women have already done their stalking and research on any man their interested in anyway.

    • Keisha Samoht

      Yes!!! Trust that one! If you play it cool then keep it until you are within a good distance from him and THEN celebrate… They know what they mean… i have done it with a really cute guy and… turned him off.

    • NANCY


  • Nope

    “8. Don’t approach him alone”

    This is bad advice because he could find your friend hotter and more interesting. Simply put, just put your deep fear of rejection aside and realize that not everyone is going to have 100% success. You’re not everyone’s type or timing, and that doesn’t make him a bad person or you a horrible person either.

    • Keisha Samoht

      Yeah most of them i agree with, but a few of them not quite.