Want to Make the First Move? 9 Things NOT To Do When Approaching a Guy

February 15, 2013  |  
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With Valentine’s Day love still lingering in the air, you may be getting a little antsy if you don’t have a boyfriend, or at least somebody to go out with from time to time. For some reason, V-Day fuels the pressure some people feel to be coupled up, and they’ll go to extreme measures not to spend that day, let alone the entire weekend, solo. So, if you’re one of those women who absolutely MUST find a date, consider the possibility that you may have to take matters into your own hands and approach that guy you’ve had your eye on for some time now. After all, what do you have to lose? Just point him out to Cupid so he can bust an arrow in his behind and it’s all good right? If only it were that easy. Approaching a guy doesn’t have to be daunting, and if you’re a confident, hot woman it’s no sweat off your back. But, if you’ve never approached a guy before and want to give it a try, make sure you don’t make these mistakes when you want to make your intentions known.


1. Don’t Be Drunk

Sure, getting liquored up gives you a bit of liquid courage, but you could also play yourself if you’re a sloppy or belligerent drunk. There’s nothing wrong with meeting a guy in a bar, having a glass of wine to loosen you up or even buying him a drink. But it should stop at ONE drink. You want to be confident…and coherent! Slurring your words and tripping over your own feet is not hot, and he’ll just think you’re a drunk or an easy target. For your own sake, and safety, don’t overdo it. Drinking too much will just embarrass you…and scare him away.


2. Don’t Be Desperate

If you spot a guy across a crowded room, gently glide over his way to introduce yourself – don’t jump on him or try to block every other chick in the room. You’ll look like a fool who hasn’t had a date in a year. Even if that’s true, play it cool. Once you’ve gotten his attention, don’t freak him out by being too assertive or asking him when he’s going to call you or if he plans on getting married and having kids one day. Desperation is very unattractive, so behave like a woman who can have any man she wants. He’ll respond to your confidence because he’ll feel lucky that you chose HIM to talk to. If you want a one night stand, then go ahead and throw yourself at him. But if you want to get his true attention and his respect, fall back and be your fun, friendly self.


3. Don’t Be Vulgar

If you’re looking for sex, then by all means – tell him how you can tie cherry knots with your tongue, have plastic pole dancing heels, and are double jointed. But if you’re looking to truly meet a guy who is interested in you and not your sexual prowess, then no sex talk in your initial conversation. While that may be a sure-fire way to get his attention, he won’t stick around in the long run because he’ll just view you as jump-off material. You can be engaging and interesting as well as Hot by simply getting him to talk about himself and seeming genuinely interested in what he has to say. If the only way you feel you can be enticing is to talk about sex, then you need to step your rap game up, get some self-esteem…and maybe read a book.


4. Don’t Be Nervous

Easier said than done, I know, but take a few deep breaths and calm your nerves before you approach him. While some guys may find your nervousness endearing, others may see it as a sign of weakness, low self-esteem and awkwardness…which may just make him feel sorry for you and want to walk away. Think about your best assets and use them to your advantage. For example, if you have amazing eyes, imagine yourself enticing him with them and putting him under your spell. Great teeth? Smile your way into his heart. Just be yourself knowing that even if it doesn’t work out, there’s always more fish in the sea.


5. Don’t Use Corny Pick-up Lines

You’ll just sound silly and unimaginative. Saying “hello” and introducing yourself will do just fine. Chances are he’ll be so flattered that you came over to him that he’ll pick up the conversation for you. But, saying things like “Are you tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day” will just annoy him – unless he’s a cornball too. Less is more, keep it simple.


6. Don’t Grab On Him

Some men and women go overboard in the touching department. Sure you can graze his arm or gently touch his hand to let him know you’re interested and find him attractive. But grabbing onto him like he’s a dog on a leash or pushing your breasts up against him will either freak him out or make him think he’s got you in bed for the night. Be subtle in your body language, not forceful.


7. Don’t Invite Him To Your House

If the conversation is flowing and you both are feeling each other, don’t be tempted to take it to another level just yet. I know you all are grown and can do grown folks business if you choose to, but it may not be the safest thing to do. You just met the guy, so continue the chemistry on a formal date on another day. If he’s feeling you, he’ll want to see you again so there’s no need to feel like you can’t cut the day or night short. Again, he could be a serial killer, or simply think you’re easy. Get to know him better before you invite him back to the crib.


8. Don’t Approach Him Alone

If you’re afraid you’ll be at a loss for words, or if the guy you’ve got your eye on is among a wolf pack of friends, then bring your girl with you as your wing woman. This way, you won’t feel pressured if he’s with his friends because your friend will help take ALL of the attention off of you. This frees you up to zero in on him, and maybe your friend can snag another cutie in the group. If he’s alone, maybe she can make the introduction for you.


9. Don’t Give Up

Some women believe that it’s a man’s job to approach her at all times and will NEVER attempt to court a man. But times have changed, and just like you, men love the attention and are flattered when a woman approaches them too! There is no formula, no voodoo spell or guarantee that making the first move will land you the relationship you want, or even the date you want for the night. But if you don’t go for it, you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. And if it doesn’t work out – so what?! Try it again, and again, until you find the man who appreciates a strong, attractive, confident woman who knows what she wants and goes after it. Somebody’s got to make the first move – it might as well be you!

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  • Vandellish

    #10. Don’t give him your personal or professional résumé

    When I turned 27 I took the mindset that I was ready to meet more high-integrity women. On my birthday I remember going to a promotional event and a very pretty lady came up to me and asked me to help her up on a stool (she had on a semi-long and tight dress) next to me. I obliged and we chatted and somehow the topic turned to her current success which included her swanky apartment/neighborhood, her dream automobile she’d just purchased and the fact that she’s had all this success way before 30. Though I was genuinely happy for her these things didn’t do a thing to make her more appealing to me. Often times we (men and women) look at the opposite sex and think that what turns us on will also turn them on. In some cases it does but we all know that men and women have different attraction triggers. A man with a great job, sharp car and high-profile may attract many women but guys like myself are turned on by warmth, humor, friendliness and understanding in women (along with beauty of course). We typically don’t give a shyt about their professional/social profile as long as she’s within the law and can stand on her own.

    So ladies be warm, playful and honestly curious when approaching a guy. Only discuss your career accomplishments and/or your heavy duty accessories when asked.

  • Vandellish

    As a guy I say the list is decent except I disagree with #4. ‘Don’t be nervous’ and #8 ‘Don’t approach him alone.’
    #4. ‘Don’t be nervous
    Never in my life have I seen a guy get turned off or even bothered by a woman who was nervous when meeting him. We get nervous our damn selves (don’t believe fake dudes who say they don’t) and it is actually charming to see it flipped around. Also, it’s laughable that a person could be looked upon as weak if they’re approaching a stranger out of nowhere. That takes confidence, guts and true interest and any signs of nervousness simply means that person is alive.
    #8 ‘Don’t approach him alone’
    I don’t know any guys that care about this. It would seem that this one supports the ‘don’t be nervous’ thing because I don’t know any other reason why a girl would want to bring others around an approach other than the fact that she wanted some support. Honestly, most men simply won’t care who’s with you or not. ‘Nope’ made a great point that the guy may be more interested in your friend(s) which is also something to consider. Just understand that most men don’t get approached very often (because women still think traditionally) so we’re usually happy that women are trying to get to know us and could care less who they’re with.
    Good list overall.

  • Keisha Samoht

    Most of these are dead on.

  • NarutoFriendOmoi

    Women approaching men is in. 2013 is the onset of an awesome awesome generation.


    sigh. NOT EVERY MAN IS THE SAME. what might turn one off, will sure get you a ring from another. guys tweak, just like we do and yes they go through worst more rejections than we do. STOP approaching men with thought of licking the sweat off his arse and see him as your brother (for those who dont fawk siblings) and try to be friends first. yes, he might not like you, but, IT’S THE MAN THAT IS LOOKING FOR A WIFE, NOT A WOMAN LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND. yall will have ppl looking like booboo with all his foolishness.

  • Kahekili

    This list could work for a woman approaching a man or a man approaching a woman.

  • Stanley 001

    Don’t be desperate?????

    • Nope

      Yeah, that one should have said “don’t let him know that you ARE desperate”. Because we all know that women have already done their stalking and research on any man their interested in anyway.

    • Keisha Samoht

      Yes!!! Trust that one! If you play it cool then keep it until you are within a good distance from him and THEN celebrate… They know what they mean… i have done it with a really cute guy and… turned him off.

    • NANCY


  • Nope

    “8. Don’t approach him alone”

    This is bad advice because he could find your friend hotter and more interesting. Simply put, just put your deep fear of rejection aside and realize that not everyone is going to have 100% success. You’re not everyone’s type or timing, and that doesn’t make him a bad person or you a horrible person either.

    • Keisha Samoht

      Yeah most of them i agree with, but a few of them not quite.