How Men Wish Valentines Day Really Went Down

February 14, 2013  |  
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Your man jumps through the Hallmark-built hoops of Valentines Day because he loves you and because if he didn’t, he knows that would throw you into a tailspin of analyzing the weaknesses in your relationship. But, if the pressure was off, here’s how men wish Valentines Day would actually go down.

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Romantic gestures would not be required

Men can’t stand the pressure to propose, give you a key to their place, or ask you to move in on Valentines Day. Even if those are things they plan on doing, they don’t like the idea of having to do it on a particular day, that to them, holds little meaning. Days that actually hold meaning to them: your anniversary, the date on which you met, Birthdays and other days personal to the two of you. But they don’t think such personal gestures should be made on such a generic, public holiday.

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The Hallmark stuff would actually work

Nowadays, flowers and candy just don’t cut it. You’re supposed to have planned something, weeks in advance, taking mental notes of all the little things she likes/says/does to have this elaborate surprise ready on V-day. A man’s take on this: it’s not your birthday! Again, everyone around the world is celebrating this holiday. Personal gifts should be kept for personal days. Most men are wondering, when did flowers and candy stop being enough?

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Sex would be the main event

It shouldn’t be the cherry on top after drinks, dinner, champagne by a fireplace, or the gift exchange. If it were up to men, food would be an afterthought after having sex all day and realizing, “Wow! We haven’t eaten in 10 hours! Better order delivery and fuel up for more time in the sack…”

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The celebration would be kept to nighttime

When did Valentines Day become an all day event? Breakfast in bed is expected, flowers awaiting you at your office, a lunch time candy gram, and a horse driven carriage surprising you when you get off work. If Valentines Day is supposed to be about celebrating each other, then the celebration time should be spent with each other. Translation: men wish it could be saved for the evening, when you’re finally together.

 

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Valentines Day would be about the two of you

Why is it all about women? You see men nearly having mental breakdowns, worrying they haven’t planned enough for their ladies on Valentines Day. Rarely do you see a woman this on edge about it. Isn’t Valentines Day supposed to be about celebrating the love of two people? Rather than having one person worshiping the ground the other walks on?

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Men would get a gift for themselves

Men aren’t that into planning. They already had to plan V-day. And now, as a gift, you want to give them a gift certificate for a couples massage? That’s just one more thing they have to schedule! Give them something they can enjoy alone that doesn’t require them to do more work.

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Sex would be normal

This isn’t the time to bring a bunch of toys to the bedroom. He wants sex to be easy and guaranteed enjoyable today. Give him the challenging activities on your birthday. Let him feel accomplished in the bedroom today.

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You’d do something new for him…if you must

If you do, however, have the urge to spice things up, learn to do something your man will enjoy. Learn how to give him a professional lap dance, or a striptease, or buy underwear he can eat right off of you. Make it about making your body a gift to him.

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Food would be simple

Why does Valentines Day food have to be so complicated? Women want to go have Tapas or Fondue or go somewhere where you cook your own food. A man’s wish? Get some steak! Indulge—both in what you eat and how you eat it. Make it easy and satisfying. And remember: there’s something about eating red meat that gets a man revved up.

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Other people would be left out of it 

For the most part, men would be happy to stay in! They find all the servers asking how long you’ve been together, people selling roses on the street and buggy drivers enticing you into a romantic drive annoying. They feel more assaulted than helped by these people, and like they’re constantly falling short of your expectations if they don’t pounce on all of these opportunities.

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You’d watch your favorite shows

Every other day of the year, you and your man complain that you wish you had time to just relax at home, in front of the TV, with each other and some takeout. With your busy work and social lives, you rarely have time for that. So then why, on the one night the world encourages you to be together, do you make such a fuss? Men wish you’d finally take the time to just chill at home and watch your favorite shows together.

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There’d be future favors

It’s tough to get a man a romantic gift without making him feel emasculated. Instead, men appreciate “future favors” like vouchers good for a massage, a sexual favor, or taking over his cleaning turn one month.

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You’d skip the gifts altogether

Many men would prefer to skip the gifts altogether and instead, go Dutch on an experience for Valentines Day that you can both enjoy, like a weekend away, or a cruise.

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Any restaurant would do

Why is a restaurant only romantic if you had to make a reservation three weeks in advance just to get a 9 o’clock table? There are plenty of delicious restaurants in town that surely decked themselves out with heart figurines and roses, too. Men feel that women make Valentines Day too much of a competition, needing to eat where every one else wants to eat.

 

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