Over The Single Life: I’m In My 20s And I’ve Never Had A Boyfriend

February 8, 2013  |  

From Essence

Q: Hi! I’m 23 years old, from New York, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. How can I improve my dating life? It is really hard for me to meet any guy who’ll actually like me. Can you give me some suggestions? Being single sucks for real, especially if you are a person who stays inside the house during weekends.

See what celebrity psychologist Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.

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  • statingtruth

    Sounds like she is quiet and secluded person. It is hard to meet people when you stay on lock down

  • scandalous7

    shyt , I thought I was the only one. I just havent found someone who has gotten my weirdness yet and Im not tryna deal with no man. Not ready.

  • Is it men aren’t approaching her at all, or is it the type of men approaching her she isn’t feeling? I hear my single friends and women say this all the time. “men just don’t approach, aren’t interested, don’t ask me out.” Most want to delude themselves that this is because the men are “intimidated” by how independent, beautiful, “strong” she is.

    I would like to point out a couple of things wrong with this way of thinking. Number one, it usually isn’t that NO man ever approaches her, shows an interest its just that they type of men doing the approaching aren’t what she wants. So you gotta ask yourself why is it that men you would be interested in are not interested in you? Are you obese? Is your appearance not up to snuff? Are you located and around where the types of men you want are at? Is what you want incompatible with what you can get?

    The second fallacy is that “men are intimidated by me” Wrong! It isn’t realistic for some man to see you and think to himself, “dang she is just TOO independent for me.” “Dang she’s just too beautiful for me to approach.” That isn’t the case 99.999% of the time. They don’t know you have 7 degrees and speak fifty languages, they don’t know that you own several mansions and a private jet. What they do know is that you are emitting an energy of “I don’t NEED no man cause I’m strong!”

    You have to change your energy. You don’t have to be some docile mouse to attract men, you just need to have an air of positivity and openness to being approached. Now if you STILL aren’t getting approached it might be time to get real about the face you are presenting to the world.

  • mac

    “It is really hard for me to meet any guy who’ll actually like me”


  • SMHgurl24

    I think you need to turn off your tv and get real. Good men don’t just fall into your lap, you need to get yourself together before you bring anyone into your life. Saying being single sucks just shows the kind of ppl your gonna attract. You shouldn’t get into a relationship because your bored with your life, all thats gonna attract is any and every fool out there. Make more friends, find a hobby and maybe if your attitude is changed start looking..

  • Janee

    First, If you’re miserable single, you’ll be miserable in a relationship. I’m not sure exactly how you go out a “find” a date or a guy, but most times when people start looking for love, the look in the wrong places….I know, so many clichés, but they’re so true! Live it up, socialize with people, make friends (including guys), but don’t just go out looking for love or be desperate to get in a relationship. Enjoy the single life while you can!