True Life: I Fell For An Ugly Man

February 8, 2013  |  

It’s no secret that love is a powerful force. It causes us to do and say things we’d never expect of ourselves. And though we live in a society that is hyper concerned with the way people look, love has the power to make you overlook physical imperfections and see a person for who they are inside. With that in mind, we asked our Facebook followers if they’ve ever fallen in love with a man they initially found unattractive and whether or not they thought they were capable of doing so. See what they had to say. 


Nyah: not that he wasn’t attractive but that his looks didn’t pull me before his personality….

and he isn’t bad looking it’s just he isn’t some pretty boy


Dana: it depends on how unattractive i think he is to start with. but the more time you spend with someone the better they start to look to you.


Annette: Yes, and have. He was exceptionally smart, funny and that’s a turn-on for me.


Denise: Yes, he was sooo unattractive, dressed nice though. And he really though he was the ish. I think it turned me on too bcuz he was a basketball referee and a smart man overall. But ooooh he was ugly!!


Monique: I have. He was very slim. I used to tease him and draw stick figures and say it was him. After talking with him, loved his humor and overall personality. We dated for 5 years. My “type” of men was broadened by dating him.


Laurie: absolutely! he was and still is a wonderful, hard working, generous, caring man.

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  • GodHelpUs

    The very ugly look has now been enforced, go figure.

  • IDon’tGetIt

    I have yet to figure that one out.

  • lennonjones

    don’t really get this beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what there saying is you can fall in love with someon your not attractive to waite I can see this but when you fall for them they should not be ugly to you anymore

  • So Sad But True

    Most attractive women nowadays prefer the Ugly Look, Go Figure.

  • Amina

    I actually married someone I was not initially attracted to. I am 26 and I consider myself a beautiful woman and have dated extremely attractive men. Not all of them treated me like royalty, but some did. A few even mention talks of marriage (no lie, but I knew deep within they weren’t the one(s)). But, with my now husband…it was so different. He really courted me and took the time to know me. He honestly didn’t seem so hung up on my looks like most guys I had dated. I admired that. I grew deeply in love with him. Has there been times when I wish I were more attracted to him? For physical reasons, of course. But a marriage and a life partner is much deeper than looks and vain. He was fortunate enough to get the whole package (our minister felt the need to point this out during the ceremony, SMH), but I feel like I won as well. I have an amazing husband and I know he will be a great father once we have children. I think more women could experience genuine love, the way God created, if we altered our standards, not lowered them, just tweaked them a bit. Is it really that bad to not have a mate you want to rip their clothes off on site? A celebrity example is Beyonce (ex Beyonce fanatic here). I remember Nelly was checking for Beyonce deep back in the early 2000’s. IMO, Nelly is much more appealing than Jay-Z any day, but look at the longevity she has had with Jay? Nelly was with Ashanti for years and he never wifed her up and rarely admitted to even being with her. This is a bias statement, but very attractive men can’t handle their looks as responsibly as very attractive women.

    • Amina

      oops, I meant “sight” not site. SMH.

  • Kam

    I wouldn’t date ugly men. I would be friends with them though.

  • Pingback: Butt-Ugly (or “Why Internet Dating is NOT for Me”) part 5 | sexgonewrong()

  • Steve

    much more power for the ugly guys that have the very attractive women today, but watch your bank account.

  • Babydoll 70

    You’ll date a guy with an ugly personality but you won’t date one who is physically unattractive. LOL

  • Babydoll 70

    A lot of athletes aren’t attractive but some women will make due because they have money. There are some unattractive men who actually have decent qualities to offer though as opposed to the pretty boy who you can’t trust past your nose and who will always bring drama in your life. Some not all.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    I know it’s vain, but I feel the same way as the lady above, I don’t wanna play Russian Roulette with my children’s gene pool, and I definitely don’t want them to get picked on for being ugly. Let’s face it, it can help to have good looks in life. . .

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    Beauty gets the attention, personality captures the heart.

  • Carmen

    Ive never dated a guy that I am not attracted to!

  • Cogito

    I also wanted to add that no matter how critical women may be of masculine looks, they are 20x more flexible than men are in this regard. We men are fortunate in that we are judged by a wider breadth of considerations and attributes than women. There are women who possess copious quantities of personality and other redeeming attributes but are excluded from romantic consideration by men because many of us don’t look beyond the surface and are somewhat inflexible in this regard.

    Beauty has it’s place in the male/female paradigm, but truthfully, once the novelty of her looks diminishes from familiarity, it’s those other attributes that resonates and contributes to longevity. For me, baby girl can be about a 7 and some change in the looks department with a nice body, organic intelligence, sweet and pleasant personality and present to her feminine essence and she’s more valuable than diamonds and rubies.

    I know that perception is oftentimes greater than reality but here’s the real deal. When I was in the NBA, all the fellows and the wives/girlfriends ran in the same social circles…it’s a fraternity of sorts; but most people would be surprised that most of the wives/girlfriends would only be considered about an 8 on average on the beauty scale with 10 being best, and here’s the reason why.

    In a lot of cases it’s true, but not always; however, the perception is that women with transcendent physical beauty are too addictive to external attention and will always draw undesirable scrutiny and attention. This is particularly problematic if the guy is deficient or suffer some deficit in the self esteem department. But a lot of my boys, when they were considering the family thing, they variabled this into the equation when selecting a women. If they couldn’t see her a the quintessential mother and wife without all the conscious and unconscious solicitation for attention from external sources, they passed on them and instead looked for what we called the perfect 8. So, contrary to popular belief, dominant physical beauty doesn’t always win out!


    Okay but who and what defines ugly?

  • hiswomanandlovingit

    Just wondering how many of the women who are waving church fans and yelling preach are contenders in the “night-fighter” arena? EVERYONE has something ugly about them.

    • Kahekili

      That’s right. Women have no business thinking that someone is ugly. Only men are allowed to do that.

  • Sagittarius81

    Looks aren’t anything to me, just don’t be a d0uchebag and an a#%hole.

  • Brianne

    When I was 19, I was in an abusive relationship with my ex (who was good looking in the face with good looking teeth) for 2 years and when I wanted the relationship to end, he and his boys beat to the point I landed in the hospital. Plus I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby and I’m not gonna say I’m glad I miscarried HIS baby because I know people who suffered miscarriages, but I wouldn’t want a baby with HIM no way. Then I moved in with my aunt (both my parents died when I was 9 and 13) and she introduced me to the church and I met the drummer there. I wasn’t attracted to him because he had bad acne and he was nerdy, but he wanted to take me to dinner and a movie. I said yes because I always wanted a guy to take me out to place since my ex didn’t. I had fun with him, he was affectionate, smart, had great conversations with him that I ignored the zits, his glasses and the little grays in his head and fell in love with him. He showed me how a man really supposed to treat a woman and I ended up marrying him 3 years later and we have 4 kids (3 daughters and 1 son) together. 15 years of marriage and still going strong, I’m glad my aunt, my friends and my husband showed me how to love *in tears now*. So outer looks don’t matter, but as long as he has a big heart and not a big ego and a bad attitude.

    • Cogito

      That’s a wonderful story! I myself, am considered by contemporary aesthetic standards, about average in the looks department, Also, growing up in the South before darker hued brothers were en vogue, my social credit score rarely qualified me for female attention…(.hold on for a sec, while I cue the violins lol)……but in reality, those early years of being a social and romantic “persona non grata” turned out to be the best thing in the world in retrospect.

      Being left to my devices allowed me to focus inwardly on the things that mattered such as developing my intellect, critical thinking skills, goals and aspirations and understanding how people and the world functioned on a nuance level. Don’t get me wrong, I got in where I fit in, but doing so was not the core of my existence. Later these things that were previously considered a disadvantage for me turned into advantages. My awkward height as a teenager became a good thing when I blossomed as a Basketball player, becoming a highly coveted college basketball recruit (free education and more exposure to the world) and eventually reaching the professional ranks (6’9″), by which time, my intellect had morphed into a voracious monster.

      The sports enable me to circumnavigate the globe a couple of times, allowing me to study and strengthen my understanding of the “INEXACT SCIENCE” of femininity, though for years my perceptions were distorted by all of the SUDDEN attention and popularity from women, until I understood that intelligence, and a social savoir faire were negotiating currencies with the gentler sex, and of course, the resources didn’t hurt either…….”WOMEN BE SHOPPING” lol.

      I think that we all, male and female, re-prioritize our “must have” list for our perspective mates as we ourselves, mature and morph into different being along the time continuum. From a masculine perspective, though I am still visually moved by feminine beauty, my metrics are much deeper than the aesthetic surface level. Beautiful women, absent of intellectual curiosity about the world we live in with no spiritual awareness or depth (not religious) remove themselves from consideration, along with a few other considerations. But in the end, we are all responsible for negotiating our own LOVE, HAPPINESS and ROMANTIC fates. Once again, Congratulation on your family and marital bliss!

  • Ms. Kameria

    I wonder what good looking guys think about dating (ugly women) for experiments or otherwise?….I guess it wouldn’t matter, as long as they could get them into bed.

  • Stanley 001

    The older I get the better looking women think I am. The older every woman around me gets the less good looking she seems to be. Why is that?

  • bluekissess

    I’ve talked to an unattractive man (ugly is to harsh). His character matched his looks. Didn’t work.

  • Nikki

    I remember in high school, there was this guy who was SUCH a gentleman, and I ended up having a HUGE crush on him. I wish I remembered his last name, because I would send him a Facebook message ASAP! But physically he didn’t appeal to me. I would give it a try…

    Looks are fixable, personality isn’t.

  • Kahekili

    “Look at it long enough and soon you won’t see it”

    Maybe that works for others, but not for me. One example I can give is when I was in high school there was this ugly boy who liked me. He would try to stand near me in gym class and talk to me in another class. I hated that he would give me attention, because he was just so ugly!

    • bluekissess

      You have to realize that half of the student body was ugly. Puberty is a beast. Can you honestly look at old pictures of yourself and say ” I was the bomb?” I’m sure the “ugly” guy you speak of is a looker. My high school days were opposite the guy I liked looks like he’s pushing 50. I look at him and ask myself wth was I thinking

      • Kahekili

        No. There is nothing I have to realize. I am 100% sure you and I did not attend the same high school, so I think I know better about the appearances of who I went to school with. This boy was not a ‘looker’ by any means. I don’t know how you can be sure of that when you have never seen him. How are you going to try to discredit MY OPINION?

  • bigdede

    Halona: Hell yeah he ugly but a good man friend but I’m not taking ish from no ugly mf

    This is my fave quote. So true.

  • yeppers

    And im TO MADD yall callin that nigha in that picture Ugly…lmaoooo Did he know yall used his pic for this???

    • psylocke_2001

      They are wrong for that.

  • Say What?

    I’ve earnestly tried, but I can’t date someone I’m not sexually attracted to and it seemed rude of me to try to use them as an experiment to see if I could.

    • yeppers

      I agree..because honestly its the same for men and women to me..Just like dudes EVEN UGLY ONES…want the beauty queens and the Beyonces, women want a man that is equally attractive. I call it a Nickel lookin for a dime. Fix your self up, the same way that women are supposed to be EXTRA presentable when attracting a man, I feel like men need to do the same work. A man has all these standards and WOULDNT walk around with PRECIOUS….So why are we supposed to walk around with the Hunch Back from Notre Dame. Ill pass…lol thats soooo shallow but it is what it is. And woman are judged by these unfair beauty standards DAILY.

      • It’s a lot easier to find an attractive woman than it is a man

    • bluekissess

      Just out of curiosity what’s your relationship status?

      • yeppers

        Do it matter???? Are women not judged by unfair beauty standards while men are allowed to look like whatever???? WHAT ABOUT WHAT I SAID IS UNTRUE???? GTFOH. Moron….you worried about the wrong things sweetheart.

        • bluekissess

          Lol single! No need to get all defensive its not like I asked for your SSN. I was going to suggest that maybe your standards are to high and maybe get an understandingoofof the human brain before you give the twenty year old ‘im only attracted to sexual attraction” phase. No need to have your underwear in a bunch.

          • bluekissess

            I didn’t ask you. But, thanks for sharing

        • uh huh

          Yes it matters..because being in a relationship regardless of the quality of the relationship is the lame woman’s (especially black women) badge of honor…who are you if you dont have a man?????????…lmao..smh

        • Amani

          I don’t see the point of his/her question either. I mean are women supposed to settle for (ugly) men they’re not attracted to just so they can say they have a man?

          I’m sorry but “settling” is the preserve of women with low self-esteem; their sense of worth seems to be predicated upon their relationship with the opposite sex and that is a sad truth.

          Let’s be honest, “Pretty Boys” rock and we love them! LOL

        • Drew Smith

          “Do it matter”??? You’re out.

      • Say What?

        I’ve recently moved states so currently I’m single and couldn’t be happier.

        • bluekissess

          I didn’t ask you but, thanks for sharing

    • KIR12

      Most black women in their 20’s are attractive if they keep their weight down. The truth is that MOST not all but MOST black women aren’t hot in their 30’s. Yet many waist their beauty and youth in their 20’s playing the same relationship games as men and then can”t figure out why they can’t get a husband after their older. Men have more time in their 30’s women don’t.

      • Say What?

        That is perhaps one of the most ignorant comments I’ve heard in awhile. Most? Do you know most black women? A lot of people are more attractive if they keep their weight down no matter what race they are. Secondly many women regardless of race feel the crunch of getting married once they’re within their 30’s because society deems them to be spinsters or somehow unworthy after they’ve reached a certain age. You should get married when you’re ready for that level of commitment not because you’re 35th birthday is coming up.

        • KIR12

          At a certain point regardless of weight women lose their “hot” card. lol

      • Dichu eba realy lub mehSteebie

        Rofl!! Are you freaking kidding me? Black women are the most naturally attractive women in their 30s and 40s. Full you here any other race with an expression like black don’t crack? I think not. Most ignorant thing I read on this whole site

        • KIR12

          Why are men trying to marry you all then? By the time black women reach middle age they’ve put on 20 to 60 pounds, baby mamas and everything is sagging. Yeah, they’re a few banger middle age black women but most look like someones frumpy auntie. lol Think I’m lying. Go look at a group of middle age black women. Maybe 2 out of 10 of them are hot.

          • Dichu eba realy lub mehSteebie

            Um, I don’t have to. While I am not a middle aged woman yet, I am black so I cant help but be surrounded by all ages of black women and I what I see firsthand is not the stereotypical BS you are talking. Now of course there are some overweight women but that is in all communities. BTW, 20 lbs is not that seriously overweight especially since we carry our figures a lot better than other races. Maybe where you live is the bottom of the barrel and that is what “you” are used to but once again your comment is ignorant and foolish and I really would stop while you are ahead because you are making yourself sound really stupid. Especially since you are on a website whose main audience is black women. You’re just asking for it.

            • KIR12

              How many black women only weigh 20 more at 35 then they did at 25? lol Most middle age black women have big stomachs and are as wide as am NFL player. That’s why it’s stupid and flawed logic to wait until middle age to start for a husband.

              • Babydoll 70

                That’s not true.

                • KIR12

                  What’s not true?

                  • Babydoll 70

                    All women over 35 aren’t 20 lbs heavier.

                    • KIR12

                      Of course it’s not all black women. But it’s almost all. lol

          • Kahekili

            You just say the same things over and over again. If you have so much hate for Black women, why do you continue to read the articles here and comment? I don’t go to Black male centric sites and post my thoughts about Black men. Why? Because I don’t like Black men or care for their opinions.