10 Positive Statements That You Should Tell Your Spouse Often

November 10, 2010  |  

As previously discussed in “10 Taboo Statements You Should Never Tell Your Spouse,” communication is often the underlying reason why many marriages disintegrate.  Oftentimes, couples argue and verbally fight and say some of the most emotionally damaging and hurtful words to each other.  In lieu of engaging in such negative communication, it would prove extremely beneficial for married couples to continually speak positive, encouraging and empowering words.  This genuine communication is not only essential for a healthy marriage but also establishes a great example for children and those individuals in your surroundings.  Relationship experts and marriage counselors across the board can attest to the fact that healthy marriages require healthy language based in authentic love for each other.

The following list of positive statements is not an all-inclusive list, but these empowering phrases do represent some of the best that spouses can tell each other:

I appreciate all of the things that you have done and are doing for me. The humble articulation of appreciation to one’s spouse is essential to the sustenance ofone’s marriage.Oftentimes, historical and present tasks that are relatively commonplace are taken for granted.  To be sure, every act of love should not require the proverbial “pat on the back.”  But, expressing continual gratitude helps to establish an atmosphere of love and thanksgiving.

You come before our children and my career. Prioritization is imperative within the context of marriage.  Several therapists and counselors have expressed the lack of prioritization as one of primary reasons why marriages dissolve.  It is critical to put your spouse before your children and career in both action and word.

I am glad that I married you. Marriage is an evergreen process that requires constant attention and care.  After a certain amount of years, some marriages become stagnant and devoid of intimacy.  To help keep the fire within your marriage, it is recommended that you express how glad you are to still be married to your spouse and how you look forward to the future.

You look great today. It is absolutely wonderful when spouses commend each other on how wonderful they look.  What a positive and motivational way to help your spouse start their day.  Expressing this statement on a continual basis is great for perpetual romance and intimacy.

I will always love you. A very critical statement that married couples should frequently articulate; however, according to comprehensive research, they do not.  It is essential to let your spouse know that you will honor your vows and love them whether they are high on the mountaintop and low in the valleys.  That’s the type of love that’s needed for the sustainability of a healthy marriage.

I trust you. In the context of marriage, it is beneficial to consistently express your trust for your spouse.  There a plethora of spouses who feel insecure relative to their marriage.  In most cases, this insecurity is unsubstantiated and can preclude continual improvement of the marriage.  It is important to sustain the foundational principle of trust, both in deed and word.

Pray for us. Some commentators may not see this phrase as being positive.  But, it can actually be a very empowering statement.  Again, marriage is an evergreen process that requires constant care and attention.  How beautiful is the notion when spouses pray for each other and for the continual improvement of their marriage.

I could not get you off my mind today. Intimacy is absolutely critical to the sustenance of one’s marriage.  Phrases such as this should not be used only when one of the spouses want to engage in sexual intercourse.  It should be a continual, positive statement that bespeaks of one’s fondness and love for their spouse.

You make each day brighter. Your spouse should make each day brighter for you- whether it’s a great day or a day filled with trials and troubles.   When spouses articulate this phrase and implement thereof, they can become a strong couple filled with power and love.

I treasure every moment we spend together. Oftentimes, married couples only celebrate the big events (i.e., anniversary, birthdays, etc.) and forget about the little things they do together.  Taking a walk in the park, watching a romantic comedy or spending a few minutes just holding each other are moments to be treasured.   Spouses should frequently express their appreciation for every moment spent together.

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  • Audrey Yarper

    Love your site even though I’m not black. I don’t agree with the putting spouse first though. I think the best scenario is that they are equal. My Mom but my Dad first, which is why she stood by and said nothing when he abused me. Children are more vulnerable and needy then adults, they shouldn’t be spoiled and indulged, but their real needs have to come first.

  • Candace

    I could never respect a man enough to stay with him if he ever chose to place me before his kids. it shows me that he is less of a man and that he doesn't know how to prioritize. It should go 1. God 2. Kids 3. Me and vice versa. On occasion his mother can be placed higher than me if it is a matter of importance and not just something trivial where he is overly dependent on him.

    • Lorie

      I can understand your position, but one thing to think about. Your children will grow up and if you all did your job right, they will be leaving the nest. Your man will still be there when they are gone. Will you know him? Make sure to keep him a priority and work to keep your marriage vibrant so will still have a marriage after the kids “leave and cleave.”

  • MJ

    I am a married woman and my husband and I don't put either each other before "OUR" children. Your CHILDREN come first. My husband is self sufficient and can do for himself. My children can't. Therefore, your children are suppose to come first. MY children will always be number one in my life along there with GOD… Although my husband and my children are all on the same level. THAT statement should be re-arranged… that just sounds ignorant…

  • ImMe

    @ Mrs.Collins you are very right. That is something that my fiance and I argue about all the time. He puts our child in front of me. If he wants us to actually get married this is going to have to be fixed. I will not compete with my child.

  • Ann

    Great list…especially like the one about praying for the marriage.

  • IJS

    I REALLY enjoyed this post and I will keep these things in mind when I tie the knot.:-)

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  • prettyinpink

    Beautifully backwards: I noticed how you said you wouldn't ever put "a man before YOUR kids". This article is about marriages, not babymama situations. When you said" my kid" it implied that you aren't raising your kid with your spouse…or you would have said" our" kid. Maybe if some women were more nurturing and not so defensive and so ready to say" no", mote men would WANT to stick around.

  • Mrs. Collins

    Unfortunately ladies, YOUR HUSBAND is supposed to come first. Not your boyfriend or baby daddy. Its says so in the Bible,

    1.God

    2.Spouse

    3.Kids

    Its hard when you have babies, of course their needs have to come first, but when they are older he is most definitely supposed to take priority over them.

    • Ioki

      Nice to know you value your own children so little. Poor things if they exist.

  • JRock

    What about when the kids aren't yours and were there before he and I got together? Is it still ok for me to expect him to put me first. I've always encouraged his opinion (that the kids come first). I'm by no means selfish and love the kids as if they were my own, but my heart want him to feel that I come first. I don't know. I hope that it doesn't really matter.

  • beautifullybackwards

    I like all except the coming before our children i would NEVER put a man before my kids

  • imcafeaulait

    Yes, Madame Noire! I was beginning to lose hope for this site! This is what we young black folks need to hear! Ways to keep our families together. Other races have known these things forever, which is why they stay comin up…

    *side note: can't help but notice the lack of comments for this positive post. SMH

  • southerngal

    Well said TK73 and I agree with you!! Happy Veterans Day!!!!! Thank you to those who have served and continue to serve. God bless you and come home safe to your loved ones!!!!!

  • TK73

    Ernie, I don't think they meant it the way so many people take it to mean. In order to have a happier, healthier family and home life, you HAVE to nurture your marriage. If your marriage is healthy it flows into the whole of the family life. Also, if you are Christain (as I know many are not) the Word says that the two are to become one. So, if you are theoretically "one" you love that person as you do yourself. Therefore, more than others. If you don't love yourself, how can you effectively love anyone else? Just a thought from someone who has been there and learned to know and understand how a marriage works to be successful.

  • star

    this is good. I will take notes. its always good to show your love how much you love and appreciate him. if you don't do these I hope you realize this is something that has to be worked on for the success of the relationship

  • ernie

    You come before our children???? No. Highly disagree with that one.

  • Blkqwn7

    I am soo not doing well in this department if what is written is true I only scored on one. Oh well at least I passed all on what you should never say to your significant other!