Stop Stressing! Perfectly Normal Changes Every Couple Goes Through
Don’t worry: your love isn’t disintegrating, he doesn’t find you any less attractive, and you’re not in a rut. There are just some behaviors couples can’t keep up forever. But these changes here will come and go throughout any good relationship.
When you first start dating, one night with no sex feels like a real problem. You wake up the next morning feeling you got in a fight and think something must be wrong! Something feels missing all day. But eventually, you start respecting your different sleep schedules, your exhaustion after long days of work, and you don’t wait up to have sex or wake your partner up for some action. You both get it: you need sleep. At least on the nights you do have sex, it’s that much more exciting.
Sleeping together every night
You used to crave cuddling together every night. You’d put up with his uncomfortable pillows or poor temperature control, just to be together. Eventually, your sleep deprivation catches up to you and—it’s nothing personal to your partner—but you need a couple nights alone, in your own bed, to stretch out and sleep in. It’s not about avoiding each other; it’s about getting some sleep!
Late night visits
You used to drive to one another’s places, even if you got off work at 11 pm, just to spend thirty minutes together before passing out. Now, you’re a little more logical. You think: what’s the point of going over there if we’re not even going to get quality time together, and I could just wake up in my own home, with all the things I need to get ready for work? When you get busy, you prioritize quality time over just, any time.
Texting all day
Anything funny that just happened, any thought that crossed his mind, any cute dog/baby he passed by—you used to get a text about it. You got a play-by-play of his every moment. Eventually, you prefer to save things to talk about when you see each other later. And you don’t need to constantly be in touch to feel connected.
Distraction from life
It used to be that, no matter what you were doing, if your partner wasn’t there, that’s all you noticed: his absence. You noticed that over anything else going on—even if you were doing something really fun! But eventually you’ll want to engage in other parts of your life, other than your relationship. That’s healthy. You should be able to enjoy experiences, with or without your partner.
Being “in sync”
You’re hyper aware of one another’s needs, wants, and moods when you first start dating. That’s a part of why some people feel they’ve met their “soul mate.” But, that can’t last forever. You each have full lives, outside of one another. You each have tons of concerns, goals, and issues on your minds that will affect your moods and energy levels in different ways. So don’t feel discouraged when suddenly, you’re not always hungry, sleepy, happy and horny, at the same time.
Always bringing a plus one
When invited to something, you used to immediately ask if you could bring your partner. Eventually, you’ll want to experience some things on your own. That’s an important part of continuing to develop self. Plus, your friends will get tired of you always bringing the boyfriend along.
You were once always scheming up the next date—thinking of museums you want to visit together, hikes you want to take, movie marathons and weekend getaways. But that takes a lot of energy and money. You’ll start having more nights in, in front of the TV, with whatever’s in the fridge.
You were once each other’s favorite topic. At dinner with friends, every time you opened your mouth it was to tell something impressive, cute, or funny your partner did. But, this too, is something your friends will get tired of hearing, and you’ll pick up on it and cool it. You’ll also stop watching your partner’s every move, so you’ll have other things on your mind to talk about.
Making every meal special
There’s something about food and love that go together so perfectly. When your love is perfect and exciting, you want every meal to be the same. But after a while, instead of Yelping a fun place with atmosphere and specialty drinks every time you get a meal, you’ll be picking up ready to go things from the store, or dipping into your frozen food.
Stopping everything if someone’s upset
It used to be if one of you was upset, you cancelled your plans, stayed in and comforted one another. You were so sensitive to one another’s pain. You were suffering if your partner was suffering, and could not go out and be with your friends. Now, you get better at putting issues/arguments/high tensions on hold, so you can go on the double date you planned, and pick things up at a more convenient time. Because that’s how the world goes round.
Taking an interest
You eat up every piece of information your partner gives you in the beginning. You extensively study things he is passionate about, come with him to events for things you usually don’t care about and act enthusiastic. But, eventually, you only have so much enthusiasm to give out, and you save it for your own passions/interests, and you let your partner go do his thing, while you do yours.
Checking each other’s schedules
God forbid you miss a night together when you could have been together — in the beginning. So any time you’re invited to something, you call your partner to make sure he didn’t have other plans for the two of you that night, or something he wants you to come with him to, before RSVP’ing. Eventually, if you know you can make it, you accept the invite. Your partner can either come if he’s free, or not.
Spending too much on gifts
We don’t like to worry about money when we’re newly in love. We don’t like to worry about any practical matters. We just want to do everything for and give everything to our partners. And so, we tend to buy gifts we can’t really afford. After a couple birthdays and holidays, you realize if you only go up from here…you’ll be broke soon. And you become more financially practical with your gifts.