Some time ago I found myself in a conversation with a group of women about men and their obsession with strip clubs. Up until a few years ago, strip clubs were a dirty, stinky, and smoky place where men congregated to stare at women in the nude while tipping single dollar bills each song. Then something strange happened, it went from being about a secret hideaway for men to exercise their right to lurk, to being about “tip drilling” and “making it rain.” That’s right, the strip club became a place to not only have fun, but to have out in the open fun almost as if you were in a nightclub. It wasn’t short after this that women decided it was time for them to get involved in the fun too. If you go to any popular strip club in a major city these days, you’re likely to see not only men partaking but women too.
But what about the women who still aren’t comfortable going to the strip club, or aren’t warmed up to the idea of their boyfriend frequenting the place either? I’m not sure. I’m not sure if it’s a big deal or it’s a sign of a woman being a little overbearing. Inevitably it comes down to a few things: how much you trust your man and what lets you sleep at night.
In defense of women everywhere, let me start off by saying a few things to the guys. If you are the type of man who goes to the strip club to cop a feel and get your rocks off to the dancers, your girlfriend has every right to not want you to go. She may not exercise that right, but she has a right to. So here’s my thought for you ladies, you shouldn’t be dating a guy who tries to get his rocks off to someone other than you. That’s just nonsensical.
However, there are a bunch of men who go to the strip club just for the show. They don’t really take anything away from it, but just that — a show. They’re not gawking over the women, they’re not lusting after them like pieces of meat, and they aren’t spending any of the rent money on toe touching. Personally, I’m a bit of a strip club connoisseur – I tend to often go to strip clubs in my area. I have been in and out of relationships during my time at strip clubs, but I always make it clear to the women I’m dating what happens when I go to strip clubs. I don’t touch the women, I don’t do private dances, and if she ever wants to come along with me, I have no qualms or problems with that. This typically eases the worries that women have with me being in the strip club. But I won’t lie, sometimes it doesn’t.
For the women who have a problem with me frequenting strip clubs no matter how hard I try to explain my dealings there, I just have to accept it. I don’t think it’s a big deal for a man to go to a strip club, but as I said earlier, if she can’t sleep at night or get it out her mind, then it is a big deal for her. As a man, I have to make a decision whether my love for strip clubs is worth risking my relationship. On the flip side, if a woman already has trust issues with a guy and that’s the basis for why she doesn’t want him in the strip club, she should just break up with him.
Any woman worried that her man may do something inappropriate in a strip club is clearly in the wrong relationship. The most blunt answer that I can give to anyone who asks, “is the strip club that big of a deal,” is, if it is, there are bigger problems at hand. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of strip clubs, but everyone is also entitled to free will. If you’re worried your significant other may cheat or lust after another in the strip club, then I don’t know why you’re not worried each and every moment that they are walking this earth. In my opinion, it’s a lot easier to cheat when you’re not in the strip club than when you are. That’s probably the most quintessential conundrum that every relationship must address — exactly why you’re worried about the strip club. If it’s a trust issue, then address that in your relationship. If it’s just not your cup of tea, then address that with your significant other and move on.
Dr. J is a writer for the men’s blog Single Black Male. Dr. J’s inspiration and motivation for writing comes from a desire to provide real and honest advice to all. His approach is no nonsense and rarely sugarcoated. Follow him on twitter @DrJayJack.