Serious Question: Which Is Worse Being Hit Or Being Cheated On?

February 1, 2013  |  

We all have our dealbreakers. I won’t deal with a man who doesn’t have a college degree. I can’t work with a man who still lives with his mom. I really don’t want to date a man who has kids. Some are outlandish, some are personal preferences; but as Brande Victorian mentioned earlier in the week, there are two standards that are almost universal… at least in theory.

1. We won’t put up with a man who cheats on us.

2. We won’t put up with a man who hits us.

I wrote those in no particular order. Both are pretty terrible. And while we’ve heard women say that they won’t put up with cheating or abuse; when those things happen, exceptions are made. Sure, the relationship will never be quite the same but people work things out all the time. When it comes to love there really are no hard-fast rules on how to behave in any given situation.  And if there were, we wouldn’t follow them.

If you ask me, I could see myself forgiving infidelity much easier than I could see myself going back to a man who’d put his hands on me.

Both are a betrayal , represent a lack of self control and hurt the other person, either emotionally or physically.

But there is something about a man, your partner, hitting you, especially in the context of marriage, that is so…unforgivable. I can understand that the dynamics in a relationship can and will change. People aren’t being fulfilled sexually or emotionally and they look to other people to meet those needs. But I just can’t understand why you’d feel the need to hit me in the heat of an argument or because I didn’t do something to your liking. That’s about power, you exerting power over me in a way you know you’ll “win.”  That’s a type of sickness I couldn’t live with, eat with and sleep with every night. Who wants to live their life in perpetual fear of being beaten or abused by someone who’s supposed to be on your team?

I do believe that men who hit women and men who quickly resort of violence in general, seriously have some type of psychological issue. Those issues can be cured with therapy and what not; but how long does that take? How will I ever know that you’re truly reformed? If you hit me once, how do I know that the next time we’re having an argument, that you wouldn’t punch me in the face to shut me up? That’s a terrifying existence, yet there are millions of women, all over the world, who live this way.

What do you think? In terms of a relationship, which is a greater offense, infidelity or abuse?

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  • Just Saying

    I believe hitting me is worse.

  • I was taught from a very young age that a man hitting a woman, or even threatening to hit a woman, was in the top three big “no-nos”; if that happened, I was free to go crazy on his behind, with their support. My family has made it clear to all the women in our family that if someone dared to put his hands on us, they (the offender) were going to the hospital.

  • SexNdaCity

    I can’t believe this is even being compared! I would much rather find out my man is cheating rather than to have him going upside my damn head! Yes infidelity in a relationship is painful, but to me, for a grown man to actually take his fists and punch me and make me bleed would hurt me a lot worse…and I’m talking physically and emotionally.

  • Stanley Dada


  • kay

    Growing up I was hit, also saw my mother & others being hit by their partners. Abuse leaves indelible scars on one – the abused as well as those who witness it, esp kids. I’m 37, yet deep down I still have trust issues & am scared of men. I’ve been for counselling & have made a lot of progress. Though hard, parents in abusive relationships have to think of the effect witnessing abuse has on their kids. One must leave, for their own sake as well as the kids.

  • toussuite


  • hmmmm physical abuse will never be tolerated under any circumstances. you cheat on me, i may forgive you the first time. it happens again, we’ll meet in court to see how the assets will be divided. children come with me! real talk!

  • FromUR2UB

    Really? Someone has to actually weigh one against the other? I think someone kickin’ your a** is always the worse day! It’s really not worth it to hang in there either way. But, someone who thinks getting beaten up is preferable to being cheated on, if that HAS to be the only alternative, is already off to a bad start. May as well stay in bed in the morning and call it a day.

  • queenietoo

    Hot grits just one bowl of hot grits is all it takes and he won’t hit nothing no more

  • KPhi

    The way I see it is if you can hit me, you have the capacity to kill me. That’s just not gonna fly. Cheating is a whole different thing. If you cheat, you might bring home the monster (hiv or aids) which means you put my health and my entire life in danger. I can never respect a man who does either of these

    • zeza

      My aunt died at the hands of her husband of thirty years. That’s how long she took the abuse & in the end it cost her her life. Abuse is not child’s play as the abuser becomes emboldened with each episode. One might make it out alive when someone cheats, whereas abuse could lead to one leaving in a coffin.

  • kb

    unfortunately I’ve had both, and I will say the pain of cheating lasted much longer.

  • Justconcerned

    You know your running out of topics when this is the question…
    Ladies, don’t dare settle for either.

  • bluekissess

    I’d rather the man have both problems so I don’t have to choose. Either way he will get left.

  • Shelleybean18

    I’d rather be cheated on. Cause I really don’t wanna go to the pen for 1st degree.

    • Drew Smith

      Murk that fool. You’ll be on “Snapped,” and women the world over will applaud you.

  • LC

    It doesn’t matter if it’s physical or emotional, abuse is abuse and neither should be tolerated. They’re both disrespectful and a sign that one truly does not value/love their partner.

  • GeekMommaRants

    This is choice? This is hell either one you choose. I would choose none of the above.

  • Ann

    I think abuse is work. Physcial abuse is worse. I don’t want a man who hits me. I think infidelity is just as bad.

  • JustSayin

    I dunno… both cause me to black out and make sure that no one finds the body.

  • Michiko

    Why are the two even being compared? They are both horrible for their own reasons.


    You know what’s best? No hitting, no cheating. And what’s sad there are some men who are in violations of both!

    • Drew Smith

      Just terrible. Maphuckas running around being greedy with badness. Dang.

    • Truth also is

      There are just as many violent and cheating women. These violations belong to both sexes.

  • FB

    It really depends on the person. I am from the Island. I was talking to a young lady whom I thought was beautiful. We were out at a conference, and I took her out to dinner. She made it clear that she would not date me because Island men are too soft and that she needs a man who can rough her up and put her in her place. I find her comment interesting because I’ve heard the same argument from other women.

    • TRUTH IS

      Island men think beating is a norm (thats why domestic violence is not biggie for cops there)…..island dudes rough as hell….which islands she’s talking about?

      • FB

        I am Haitian so I was included. However, she did not name a specific Island.

        • TRUTH IS


        • Guest1002

          Wow that’s sad my ex was a Haitian we had our ups and downs but he did not beat me.

          • FB

            I think her point was that we were too soft. She wanted a man who can put her in her place. BTW, last time I heard she was being abused by her husband.

  • Two different forms of abuse. How can you even scale or compare the two?

  • Firedancer

    I was in a physically abusive marriage for two years. The reason why I stayed for as long as I did was because the abuse wasn’t an everyday thing. There would be these grace periods of great times, so when the hitting happened, he would say something like how it wasn’t really him. He was drunk/high (on weed) and he knows that if he hadn’t had drank that much then he would have never put his hands on me. So, I would take that into consideration, along with remembering the good times we had, and just try to move from it. I finally left when after having our child he hit me in front of her, when he was sober. As a matter of fact, he was hitting me because he was upset that he couldn’t get a drink or some weed. The moment that happened, I packed up my daughter and we left. I honestly can’t say which one is worse, but I still have nightmares about the abuse now, and we’ve been separated for an entire year.

    • Thank God you and your daughter were able to get away. Stay strong.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    Any woman who rather be hit needs to reevaluate her measure of self esteem and worth. . .

    • Viki

      Why would it be better for self esteem to be cheated on? Cheating generally takes far more time to do and puts the truth of everything in a relationship to question. Hitting is bad too, but I have to say I think there is a huge difference between being slapped and being hit to the point of going to the hospital. I would take a slap over being cheated on any day for the pain of cheating will last far longer…not even sure I would ever get over it.

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        No thank you. Cheating I can walk away from. Cheating can be fixed and forgiven. If you’re more hurt by your significant other who cheats than a man who thinks it’s ok to lay hands on you, you need find to some serious help . . .

  • JaneDoe

    Neither.. If that a choice. But if it isn’t being hit is worst. If you cheat on me I can always leave with pride if you hit me.. Smh, the Jamaican/Cuban blood in me will most likely chop you up then call for self defense

    • JaneDoe


  • realadulttalk

    If you cheat on me I can leave. If you hit me, I have to kill you–so I’d rather you cheat so we can both live our lives.

    • YES gAWD

      Ok….Or someone in my family will break your kneecaps….the choice is yours. lmaooo and im so serious. Like my grandad told my dad when he married my mom…You dont want her, Bring her back. YOU AINT GOT TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER. *thats that old southern talk*

      • SheBe

        My mom and uncle told my hubby the same thing! Mama was in the kitchen slicing fruit and uncle was in plain clothes with his gun in the holster (Memphis Police Dept.) leaning against the island next to her. Granny and I got a good laugh at that!

      • realadulttalk

        I know that’s right.

      • Cosign.

    • MLS2698

      I’m from the ” I-wish-a-ninja-would-tribe, ” so hitting will send me straight to cell block 4! I just need some money on my books, that’s all.

    • Kenedy

      I am soo glad that i am not the only woman on this thread that is sure i will do life for murder if a man dares puts his hands on me

    • Agreed. Cheating is terrible, no doubt about that. But hitting takes it to a whole ‘nother level.

  • kyliely

    I honestly would rather be hit.

  • YES gAWD

    Being HIT……cus then he gon have to either die/ Or be seriously injured. So I would say it would be the worst….for him. lol

    • Guest1002

      I tell them if you don’t know what to do with your hands put; them in your pocket. If you know whats good for you I will not attack you but I will defend myself.

  • Nikki

    Even though I wouldn’t put up with either, I think being hit is worse than being cheated on. Some couples have been able to move on from cheating, but someone who hits has mental issues and even if those are addressed with therapy, you’ll never knew what he is capable of.

  • This question is like asking would you prefer a bullet to the head or the heart. I do think women tend to give more of chance to men who hit them.

  • xxdiscoxxheaven

    There needs to be a 3rd option. Drug addiction.

  • Guest 1002

    They’re both deal breakers no difference to me you hit me or cheat on me i’m gone.

    • Dya Gomez

      I know that’s right.