It Really Does Take Two: Signs You’re In A One-Sided Relationship

February 5, 2013  |  
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Shutterstock

You can be in a one-sided relationship and not even know it because A) You want to see what you want to see and B) The guy you’re seeing puts in just enough effort to give you the hope he’ll commit, eventually. But here’s a truth about men: they’re either all in immediately, or they never really are. Here’s how to know if you’re the only one taking your relationship seriously.

"Couple arguing pf"

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You’re always the first one to bring up an issue

If there’s a problem between the two of you, you’re clearly unhappy and bumping heads, you always have to be the one to bring it up. In other words, you’re the only one who cares enough about the relationship to want to resolve problems.

"black couple arguing pf"

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He gets annoyed when you bring up an issue

He immediately rolls his eyes, or makes you feel that you’re burdening him when you want to talk about an issue. This is because he doesn’t care what the benefits could be of overcoming your issues—he’s not that invested anyways.

"holiday dinner pf"

iStockphoto

You’re never together on the holidays

He won’t come see your family, and always has some excuse why it’s for the best you don’t come with him. He refuses to change his traditions or patterns in order for the two of you to be together. Preserving his life as it was before you is more important to him than building a new life with you.

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Shutterstock

He doesn’t know what’s happening in your life

If you really think about it, he has no idea what a day in your life looks like. He has no idea how mean your boss is, or that you go to yoga during your lunch break. The most basic, common things about you—he doesn’t know. And that’s either because he’s a terrible listener or doesn’t make you feel comfortable talking to him.

"couple talking pf"

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When you ask him to hang out you feel you’re asking for a favor

You find yourself nervous to ask him to do something with you, as if you’re asking your teacher for a hall pass! He always makes it seem like he’s doing you a favor by coming along with you to things.

"Woman waiting by the phone pf"

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He has dumb reasons for not calling you

Okay so there wasn’t good cell reception at the hotel he was staying at for the weekend. But there was a perfectly good landline he could have called you from…He’s been crazy busy at work, but you know he stopped to eat lunch or go to the bathroom; he could have texted you. Yet, if there is an excuse why he couldn’t get in touch, he takes advantage of that excuse.

"Unhappy couple on the couch pf"

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You only spend time together at home

When he is in the mood to go out, he does so with friends. But when he’s with you, he just wants to be lazy, stay at home, have sex, watch TV and go to sleep. Essentially, he doesn’t think you’re worth his effort of putting on a happy face and rallying for a night out.

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Shutterstock

 

You’re the only one doling out compliments

You tell him constantly how adorable he is, how funny he is, how much you like having him in your life. And now that you think about it, you rarely hear those words from him.

iStockphoto

iStockphoto

 

You’re the only one making kind gestures

You buy him thoughtful gifts, plan fun dates, and make him nice meals all the time. And he hasn’t once reciprocated.

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Shutterstock

He avoids you when you’re down

Instead of taking it upon himself to make you feel better, he avoids you when you’re down, not wanting to be dragged down himself. He doesn’t consider your problems his problems. He only wants to be around for the good times, when you can benefit him in some way.

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Shutterstock

He never reschedules for you

He has never and would never move something around to go with you to an event you deem important. He even turns you down for silly reasons, like watching a movie or walking his dog.

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Shutterstock

You’re always the first to text/call

You initiate every phone conversation. The conversation only goes anywhere because you think of stimulating questions. If you didn’t say anything, that would be one silent phone call.

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shutterstock

You find out his big news through the grapevine

You find out he got a promotion, or perhaps had surgery, through someone other than him! You are not the person he goes to to celebrate with, or to get comfort from when needed.

"Couple talking pf"

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When you ask him to do something, he takes a while to answer

When you ask him to do something next weekend, he always says, “Maybe” without any solid reason why he wouldn’t be able to. You’re his last resort. He first wants to see if anything better is going on.

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  • Tim

    The problem from my point of view with some of these is that some are accurate of me to her but also some are accurate of her to me.
    One example: He only wants to spend time at home being lazy, having sex and not going out etc. I am guilty of this, BUT thats because WE rarely have sex because she just drinks a bottle of red wine a night and falls asleep! These blogs are useful but each individual relationship is so specific I dont feel they help.

  • unanimous anonymous

    Thank you for opening my eyes. Something about this relationship has been irritating me for a long time but I could not figure out what it was. I stayed because I knew I could trust him and he is nice but there was something just not right. I know now and will leave him. It’s gone on for too long to do anything other than leave.
    It’s funny, because the last few days I have been thinking about how easy it would be to cheat on him since he just doesn’t seem to care about anything I do. Even though I was not going to do it, I thought about how easy it would be to get away with it and now I know why because he does not care about this relationship.

  • trev

    Lol every couple in the pictures is black

    • sara

      Ummm yeah, this website, though welcoming to all, is marketed to black women.

  • Ray C

    I completely agree with the one about big news for example. Sometimes it
    is just routine where over the years you’ve gotten used to sharing the
    news with certain people first. But he/she should be one of the first
    few people you tell.

    I like the articles here, but IMHO a lot of
    the ones on the “is he all in” type articles basically can be summed
    up as “if he’s really into you he’ll make you the #1 thing going on
    every second of every day, he’ll overlook any of your shortcomings, and he’ll appreciate all your likes, interests, and quirks because he just loves you so much. I think a lot of these tips are “maybes.” I think some of them contradict some of the articles about some of the things women do to put a man off like the “clingy” article. I also think some of these tips are expectations for men that society totally excepts if a woman doesn’t do the same.

  • Ray C

    I actually stumbled on her articles posted on another site that list a
    lot of “top reasons/signs” or “most in history type articles. I have to
    say that I usually agree with the articles, but the ones I usually find
    myself disagreeing with, as a guy, are the “he’s not into you, he won’t
    commit, he’s not ready, he’s not “all in” type articles. I think a lot
    of them are just how some guys are . For instance the never gives you
    compliments or never makes gestures are ones I know I’ve been guilty of
    even wit girls I really liked. Many of us are less emotional. And it’s
    just human nature for some men and women not to show the appreciation
    and attention for something after you get it as you did while you were
    chasing it. It’s just like a person who was never late and was the
    hardest worker in their first year in a new job or church. I’m probably guilty of the getting annoyed with discussions one also,
    but that’s just my personality. My best friend or my mother would
    probably annoy me with discussions of issues I thought we settled or
    where I thought an issue was being made of a non-issue.

  • Looove your articles/blogs, but I sure wish they were in a list format. My computer tends to freeze from clicking continually page after page.

  • Angel89

    This sounds more like :Signs he’s in 2 relationships lol…& really can’t offer you the time you deserve, want, or need…

  • Clara

    I have a guy who exhibits a majority of these signs but then tells me he wants me to be his gf/wife. Idk what to think or do. Should I let him go or give him a chance?

    • Wait, you’re not even his girlfirend? Let him go girl…….

      • Clara

        He always asks me if I’ll be his gf but I keep saying no because he exhibits all these signs.

        • Babydoll 70

          I would keep saying no. He’s not showing you how much he wants to be your man. Matter of fact, it doesn’t seem like he’s showing you anything other than he is a half a&& companion.

        • Guest

          It is not enough to just keep saying no if your actions say the opposite. You have not given details about your dynamics with him but if you always make yourself available to him in a certain way that contradicts your lack of interest, you might want to do something about that. Distance yourself.

    • Angel89

      I was dealing with a guy that did the same… always something off but always reassured me that I was the one that he wanted & blah blah blah..turns out he was cheating on me (shocker lol)… it’s all up to what your gut is telling you.. intuition rarely lies…..

    • Ms_Sunshine9898

      Girl let it go. I had the same thing. He only tells you that to ensure that you’ll stick around . . .

    • Babydoll 70

      Let him go. I agree with Ms Sunshine9898, he’s just trying to keep you around probably as a plan B if his plan A doesn’t work out.