It Really Does Take Two: Signs You’re In A One-Sided Relationship

February 5, 2013  |  
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You can be in a one-sided relationship and not even know it because A) You want to see what you want to see and B) The guy you’re seeing puts in just enough effort to give you the hope he’ll commit, eventually. But here’s a truth about men: they’re either all in immediately, or they never really are. Here’s how to know if you’re the only one taking your relationship seriously.

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You’re always the first one to bring up an issue

If there’s a problem between the two of you, you’re clearly unhappy and bumping heads, you always have to be the one to bring it up. In other words, you’re the only one who cares enough about the relationship to want to resolve problems.

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He gets annoyed when you bring up an issue

He immediately rolls his eyes, or makes you feel that you’re burdening him when you want to talk about an issue. This is because he doesn’t care what the benefits could be of overcoming your issues—he’s not that invested anyways.

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You’re never together on the holidays

He won’t come see your family, and always has some excuse why it’s for the best you don’t come with him. He refuses to change his traditions or patterns in order for the two of you to be together. Preserving his life as it was before you is more important to him than building a new life with you.

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He doesn’t know what’s happening in your life

If you really think about it, he has no idea what a day in your life looks like. He has no idea how mean your boss is, or that you go to yoga during your lunch break. The most basic, common things about you—he doesn’t know. And that’s either because he’s a terrible listener or doesn’t make you feel comfortable talking to him.

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When you ask him to hang out you feel you’re asking for a favor

You find yourself nervous to ask him to do something with you, as if you’re asking your teacher for a hall pass! He always makes it seem like he’s doing you a favor by coming along with you to things.

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He has dumb reasons for not calling you

Okay so there wasn’t good cell reception at the hotel he was staying at for the weekend. But there was a perfectly good landline he could have called you from…He’s been crazy busy at work, but you know he stopped to eat lunch or go to the bathroom; he could have texted you. Yet, if there is an excuse why he couldn’t get in touch, he takes advantage of that excuse.

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You only spend time together at home

When he is in the mood to go out, he does so with friends. But when he’s with you, he just wants to be lazy, stay at home, have sex, watch TV and go to sleep. Essentially, he doesn’t think you’re worth his effort of putting on a happy face and rallying for a night out.

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You’re the only one doling out compliments

You tell him constantly how adorable he is, how funny he is, how much you like having him in your life. And now that you think about it, you rarely hear those words from him.

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You’re the only one making kind gestures

You buy him thoughtful gifts, plan fun dates, and make him nice meals all the time. And he hasn’t once reciprocated.

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He avoids you when you’re down

Instead of taking it upon himself to make you feel better, he avoids you when you’re down, not wanting to be dragged down himself. He doesn’t consider your problems his problems. He only wants to be around for the good times, when you can benefit him in some way.

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He never reschedules for you

He has never and would never move something around to go with you to an event you deem important. He even turns you down for silly reasons, like watching a movie or walking his dog.

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You’re always the first to text/call

You initiate every phone conversation. The conversation only goes anywhere because you think of stimulating questions. If you didn’t say anything, that would be one silent phone call.

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You find out his big news through the grapevine

You find out he got a promotion, or perhaps had surgery, through someone other than him! You are not the person he goes to to celebrate with, or to get comfort from when needed.

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When you ask him to do something, he takes a while to answer

When you ask him to do something next weekend, he always says, “Maybe” without any solid reason why he wouldn’t be able to. You’re his last resort. He first wants to see if anything better is going on.

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