Even If You’re Thinking It, Don’t Say It! 14 Thoughts That Should Never Be Shared With Your Man

February 4, 2013  |  
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There are two kinds of omissions of truth: the kind where you leave information out so that you don’t get in trouble for something you’ve done wrong, and the kind where you leave information out because it serves no purpose but to hurt your partner—it doesn’t bring to light anything that can or needs to be fixed, it doesn’t improve your relationship, and it simply doesn’t need to be said. Here are 14 of those types of truths.

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What really worked about you and your ex

Of course there were things that worked about you and your ex. That’s why you were together for as long as you were. And while you can go into a starry-eyed, nostalgic rant to your best friend about the particular dynamic you loved between you and your ex, going into such a rant in front of your current partner will only instill deep jealousy. He isn’t sitting there taking notes on what he should do. He’s just fuming inside.

"Couple arguing pf"

What really didn’t work about you and your ex

If you say it briefly and casually, like, “My ex did that and it kinda bugged me”—that’s fine. But, going off for five minutes about some big fight(s) you and your ex had, everything you said, everything he said, where you were coming from, where he was coming from, and what the jury decided, all with a look of fury and passion in your eyes, your partner will wonder if you still love said ex.

"black couple arguing pf"

“Well at least my ex would…!”

And when it comes to the ex, no comparisons, please! If your partner doesn’t take you out enough, or cuddle you enough, or talk to your friends enough, do not say, “Well at least my ex would do that!” What purpose does that serve other than to hit your partner where it hurts? Do you need or want your partner to take you out more/cuddle you/talk to your friends because your ex did so? No. That’s just a basic need of yours. That’s all you need to say. You don’t need to tell your partner how he compares to someone else. All he needs to know is how he is falling short of your needs.

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So your partner is, um, small

No matter how you spin it, your partner will feel nothing but awful—and possibly forever—if you tell him his private part is small, or even a little below your standards. What is he going to do? Get a private part enlargement? Maybe, but then you’re the superficial and overly-demanding girlfriend who pressured him into spending thousands of his hard earned dollars on something that’s essentially just for your enjoyment. If you love this man, as far as he needs to be concerned his private part is perfect. And you just better work on finding sexual positions that work for you.

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“I forgot to take the pill”

Women do not realize just how much anxiety this little string of words gives a man. It’s all he will think about until you’re confirmed pregnant or not pregnant. He will do terribly at his job until then, be distant around his friends and probably be so distracted he’s at risk of getting in a car accident. Take the morning after pill, or that pregnancy test, and don’t make him nervous unless you have to.

 

 

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“You’ve gained weight”

Men are just as sensitive about this as women are. They’re simply told it’s “effeminate” to worry about one’s weight, so they hide their pain when you say, “You’ve grown a little tummy there.” But, they’re hurting. And they probably don’t want to have sex now either since they’re self-conscious about their body. Buy healthier groceries, distract him when he wants a late night snack, invite him on your runs, but don’t tell him he’s gained weight.

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“I’ve been around you too much”

Think of the pain you feel when your guy simply says, “I need some guy time.” You already know that means he wants space from you, and at least he found a nicer way to say it! Imagine how your guy feels if you say, “I’ve been around you too much.” It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your guy. What it really means is you want more time with yourself, or with your friends, or to spend on your hobbies/job/whatever. So say it that way instead.

"Businessman holding a brief case pf"

“I think you could be trying harder”

At his job/career/aspirations. A person’s road to their dreams is a long and windy one, full of turns and bumps that only that person can understand. Be supportive and encouraging, but do not ever question the effort your man is putting into his dreams. He could be experiencing a slight bout of depression, or perhaps he is trying as hard as he possibly can! This is his path. Let him walk it the way he will.

"Sad guy pf"

 

“You’re not very good at what you do”

So your partner is constantly coming up with business ideas that you think are doomed to fail, or he is an aspiring actor who you think is terrible. But guess what? That’s his passion. That’s what makes him want to get out of bed in the morning. It’s what makes him happy to be alive. And that is all that should matter to you. You should love what he does, because he loves it.

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“I don’t like your parents”

Maybe you can’t stand his parents. Maybe they have even been rude to you. Unfortunately, you’re not allowed to tell your partner you do not like the people who raised him, and who he loves unconditionally. Did you catch that last part? Unconditionally. No matter what case you make against them, he will still love them. And then it will be awkward for him knowing you dislike them. It can often be awkward enough that he will break up with you.

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“Well I talked about it with my friends and they think…”

We all gab with our girlfriends about our relationship problems. And, deep down, your partner knows that. But don’t tell him what your friends have to say about the issues you two are having. They don’t have a place on the jury of your fights with your man. If you say, “Well my friends think you should do this” he will feel attacked and betrayed. He doesn’t care what your friends think! He cares what you think.

"Couple arguing pf"

 

“I’ve been thinking about whether or not I want to be with you”

Perhaps you have been questioning your relationship. But unless you have issues you can point to with tangible solutions, why are you bringing this up? It’s almost like a challenge to see what your partner will do to keep you. Either end it with him, or think of ways to fix what you’re unhappy about. This statement is just the unspoken thing underlying any fight—will the two of you work out? You don’t need to say it. You’re both thinking it! Putting it out there is only cruel and puts even more pressure on whatever argument is going on.

"Couple talking - PF"

“Your advice doesn’t help me”

Your partner always chimes in on what he thinks you should do about your career, your arguments with your friends etc. and his advice is never very spot on. Maybe he isn’t educated enough about the issue. So what? It gives him joy to feel he might be helping you. It doesn’t harm you to listen. And it does harm him to hear he’s not helping you.

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“I don’t like your friend”

Similar to with your guy’s parents, you can’t flat out say, “I don’t like your friend.” If your guy is a real man with integrity (which hopefully, he is) he isn’t going to drop a long-time friend all because his girlfriend wants him to. Now, he just has to live with the discomfort of knowing you can’t stand the guy who he is still going to invite over, anyways. Just find something else to do when that friend comes over, and keep quiet.

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  • Tru Words&Wisdom

    Who would actually say these things??????
    Get serious! rofl…

  • platkat

    14 clicks? No way.

  • Johnny Means

    I think “I forgot to take the pill.” is a lot differentfrom an actual pregnancy scare. Most men are not familiar with how birth control works and will assume that missing one day actually leads to pregnancy. So while you may be casually saying you forgot your medication, men may be hearing the big announcement. I don’t think the author in anyway said not to share it, if you actually think you may be pregnant.

  • AdeeC

    This article was terrible and I swear I was reading the worst parts of past Cosmo and Glamour articles. LOL

  • AdeeC

    This article was terrible and I swear I was reading the worst parts of past Cosmo and Glamour articles. LOL

  • teaser

    He’s small and you should deal with it? NO! I really feel bad for you guys, but ……..

    • Guest – I’m a man

      I’m a man. And the point she was making is that: if his smaller size is an issue telling him about it won’t make it bigger. You know he can’t change his size so you can be happier, so why even mention it? It will only make him think about it the next time he’s with you or someone else. You’re basically telling him he’s not good enough for you. It will hurt him. You’re better off just breaking the relationship off if you can’t deal with his size instead of telling him he’s inadequate. The first girl I was ever with told me that, and it hurt. It bothered me, and I didn’t feel like I could be with her really knowing that I wasn’t enough for her. Which is why didn’t have sex anymore. So yes, telling him he’s small won’t make him bigger. It will only hurt since he can’t change that for you.

  • APM

    This article makes me sick. Men should be as involved in pregnancy risk as women. That is to say, if a woman is worried 24 hours a day until she knows for certain that she did or didn’t take the pill in time, the man should be too. Why the HELL would it be otherwise?

    Whoever wrote this should be ashamed of themselves.

    Ali

  • yourmothersir

    wow… this is awful… Just let him bullshit his way through life because it’s his life. It does not affect you at all, or don’t tell him he’s one chicken wing away from a heart attack, just distract him, or flash your boobies when he reaches for a cookie.. This is awful. Men are not children. How could I disrespect him so much as to not help him with things he needs to change more for himself, than for me. btw, relationships are about improving together, not just flying through life doing one dumb thing after another.

  • I’m just saying

    I see a lot of women are not pleased with this article….. um I ‘m a man….well I’m a “good man”, respectful and loving. I have to tell you ladies that you should listen to what the author saying. I know that you have your own opinion on these things but just stop and listen to her. I’m telling you that from a “good mans” point of view, she is correct on most of her points. Men and wemon are think differently so it may be hard for you to understand the logic behind these points she has made, but I’m just saying that she has made valid piints and if you follow her advice you may notice a change for the better in your relationship. Ladies’ remeber that when a man loves you, we value your opinion and your words can hold a lot of power….both positive and negative. Think before you speak.

    • yourmothersir

      I have tried these in the past. Lets just say, the guys were idiots. I ended up leaving. Just don’t date a dbag and you won’t encounter a lot of this bullshit

  • Katie p

    This is a terrible article. Writing and grammar is horrible.

  • StillMe

    How about don’t have sex if you’re not ready to have a child? And don’t have sex with somebody that might not stick around. Maybe get married first? Seems like common sense to me, though there’s nothing “common” about it these days.

    • yourmothersir

      yes, because getting married just guarantees he’ll stick around. What about the poor old ladies stuck in miserable marriages because there was no sex before marriage and the dude only married them because he wanted to get laid? I’ve seen plenty of those. Many ended. BTW, getting married does not guarantee you are ready for a child, and who the hell is these days? Few people have that kind of money, not to mention brains.

    • angel_tip

      Bravo …

  • 57rednana

    Regarding the new man with the small “equipment.” My present boyfriend started taking Cialis and for some reason his equipment has now “grown” considerably. I never knew this was a side effect, but he is ecstatic with the size. It doesn’t really matter to me. I liked it both sizes.

  • Mr.Manlyman

    I was clicking around and found this story.
    I agree with pretty much everything in this article
    I really don’t want to hear most of that information

  • Monica Stellar

    This is a great example of why most of my friends are guys!

  • iHeartMarijuana

    What kind of person wrote this…? Because first of all, several of these things are things you shouldn’t even THINK. While others are an absolute MUST to tell your partner. Hiding the fact that you missed a BC pill from your boyfriend is pointless. He needs full disclosure, regardless of how it makes him feel. No grown man is going to panic about a missed BC pill if he knows the basics of how BC pills work, and if he’s sleeping with a woman on the pill, then filling him in on the basics is natural. Only a conniving woman would hide that from her man intentionally. It’s just a missed pill, you can double up the next day and forget about it. Why isn’t he allowed to feel the same way?
    Also, if I don’t like someone, I’m not going to be rude to them but I’m not going to lie to my partner about it either. I just told my boyfriend the other day that I didn’t like one of his friends. Too bad. He’s told me he didn’t like one of my friends before too, and guess what? She ended up throwing her life away for drugs. He was right. I didn’t stop being friends with her just because he said so, I just stopped bringing her around him. Why make him uncomfortable? Likewise, now that he knows I don’t like his lame friend, I don’t have to sit there pretending anymore. It’s not good news, but it’s honesty.

  • York

    Why is this list being taken so seriously? Some of it is common sense, and it looks like the general gist is there is a way to say things to preserve feelings…and things like a small weenus SHOULD be kept to yourself unless you want to cripple him for life lol

  • Roz

    The problem with this article is that it basically says to keep everything inside and don’t speak what’s in ur heart.. I tell my husband everything.. We goin on 8 yrs now.. If something bothers me I tell him and vice versa..it’s important to be open and sometimes u gotta tell him even if he don’t wanna hear it.. We don’t always gotta me all smiles and its hard doing that knowing u wanna day something so bad but have fear of telling him.. I would say the “ex” thing was on point cuz I know I’ve done that in the beginning and it would annoy him.. But I don’t anymore.. Other then that, the rest is BS!

    • OhJustMe

      No, the problem with this article is that it assumes there are people out there stupid enough to NOT know they shouldn’t say these things. And, to be blunt, if you’re even thinking these things, it’s probably not going to work anyway. Get married and prove me wrong in 30 years.

  • old school

    Once again, I skipped the article and read the comments. Apparently, I didn’t miss much! You have to communicate with your man. He is supposed to be the person closest to you. The right time, the right words. The only thing you should never say is how much bigger your other man was.

  • Gina

    Wow… That is one of the dumbest articles I’ve ever read… Julia Austin, are you actually a woman?
    Just reading that us women should keep pregnancy scares a secret made me go “WHAT THE EFF?” You have got to be shitting me, I’m in one of the most vulnerable and scary situations in my life and should not tell my partner because it might upset HIM? Ladies, if you have a boyfriend with that kind of attitude I suggest you not only keep quite and get that morning after pill, but also RUN for the hills.

    • Roz

      Nah my husband was like that after we had our third one.. I don’t blame him since a fourth one is just not in the cards right now and telling him I missed a pill would really stress him out..Sht! That would stress me out! lol i think if ur both on the same page about kids then its not a problem.. It’s only a problem when ur both or one is not on the same page wit having kids.. I think that’s what they meant.

    • MrsRaymond

      THANK YOU!!! hw the hell do you go thru this alone? i mean ul also be goin thru all the emotions and u really nid him thr 4 u or atleast go thru all those emotions together.. Thru thick and thin?!?!?!?! Schupidddd article..

  • Sheena

    Huuuhhhhhh

  • LMJ82

    Lol….this is a terrible article.

  • HIS one and Only

    Ok so what IF he says those kinds of things to me am I suppose TO Just accept it and still keep my mouth shut

  • Coffeeandlipstick

    so basically you should keep your opinions to yourself? You can say whatever you like its all in the way that you say it.

    • iHeartMarijuana

      Exactly! Like that point they made about “I don’t think you’re trying hard enough.” Well, there’s a nicer way to say that to a man without coming off as being rude. You can even sugar-coat it and say something like, “This month I’m going to do whatever I can to help you out so you can regain your focus at work, you don’t seem as on top of your game as you normally are. Just let me know what I can do to help you get back on track.”
      People make things silly and complicated for the sake of writing an article about it.

      • yourmothersir

        just say “you have so much potential.” There you go.