You’re Walking A Fine Line Sweetie: How To Avoid Sabotaging Your Own Relationship

January 31, 2013  |  

Even in the best of relationships, you may find that your inner mean girl comes out to play; you know the one who’s full of doubt, jealousy, and negativity. But, this inner girl can easily sabotage your relationship and before you know it, the whole thing can be done and over with. If you fear that you may self-sabotage your relationship, here are 15 ways to avoid doing just that.

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Shutterstock

Let your inner fears out

We all have fears, even when we are in stable and healthy relationships. As women, we have certain feelings that we often suppress, but eventually they come to the surface. Instead of avoiding these fears, voice them, write them down, or talk about them with your man. Are you afraid of having your heart broken? Do you think you aren’t lovable enough? Let it out; you’ll feel better.

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Shutterstock

Be open to trying new things

A relationship won’t work if you refuse to try anything new and more than likely your man will get tired of hearing the word “no” when he asks to do something out of the ordinary. Sticking to the same routine will easily turn your relationship into one that is mundane, boring, and predictable. Be open to new experiences with your guy.

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Don’t compare your relationship

A lot of women like to compare their relationship to a friend’s relationship or even a past relationship. It’s important to remember that your relationship isn’t like anyone else’s and it isn’t a relationship you’ve had in the past. Stay focused on what the two of you have and how your relationship is progressing instead of comparing it to someone else’s. Comparing is never a healthy thing to do.

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Shutterstock

Don’t expect perfection

You aren’t perfect and neither is your partner. You’ll both have your ups and downs as well as your flaws. You never want to go into a relationship or stay in one with the mindset of perfection. Avoid being disappointed with your guy for something he did wrong. No one is perfect and mistakes are bound to happen.

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Shutterstock

Avoid chronic mistrust

Unless your man gives you reason to not trust him, there is no reason not to! Don’t let past experiences with bad relationships seep into your new one. Don’t go on doubting his fidelity or his love for you, because you’ll only end up ruining the relationship. If you find yourself not trusting your guy, figure out why, especially if it’s all coming from past experiences.

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Shutterstock

Don’t keep score between the two of you

With any relationship, you don’t want it to come to the point when you’re taking tally of the gives and takes in the relationship. You’ve gone out to dinner five times in the last month, but he only paid four times. He says he cares about you, but you insist you care about him more. Keeping score as if your relationship is a competition is just bad. It shows that you don’t feel understood and if there’s a deeper problem at hand, talk about it.

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Think before you speak

This is a lesson you probably learned when you were little, but it still stands true, especially in relationships. If you’re one to blurt out whatever you want to say, know that it won’t fly in a relationship. Before speaking out in a fit of anger, think about what you’re saying first, and avoid stirring up unnecessary drama.

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Shutterstock

Be willing to take the plunge

In a relationship you have to be more than ready to take the plunge. Without giving all of yourself to someone, the relationship won’t be as open or genuine as it should be. Don’t be afraid to take the dive, and if you are, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all.

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Shutterstock

Keep the big picture in mind

Relationships will change each day. You’ll find that one day you’re head over heels for your guy and the next day you’re angry at him for something he did. In the end, you’ll want to stay focused on the big picture. Understand that arguments and conflict is bound to happen, but always know that in the end you have a good guy on your side.

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Shutterstock

Start loving yourself

In any relationship if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never love the person you’re with. Without being able to love who you are and be confident in the person you’ve become, your relationship won’t go very far. Start loving and praising everything that is good about you, and embrace it.

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Shutterstock

Don’t lose yourself

By nature, women are raised to take care of others and to be nurturers. In a relationship, you may find that you start thinking that your self-worth is only based upon what you do for your guy and for other people. Though you’ll want to stay committed to your relationship, don’t lose yourself. You still need me time and nights out with the girls.

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Shutterstock

Learn from the past, don’t re-live it

Relationships that went badly in the past can easily influence your future relationships. However, instead of re-living your past and thinking that this new relationship is just like those before, change your mindset and instead start learning. Keep everything that you’ve learned from past relationships in the back of your mind, but never think that a new relationship with a new guy is bound to be like one in the past. You’re setting the relationship up for failure.

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Shutterstock

Know when and where to talk about problems

When something is going wrong in your relationship, you’ll of course want to talk about it, but doing it at the right place at the right time is important. Don’t drag your problems to a romantic dinner or to a family get-together and don’t bring up your issues the second he leaves for work by blowing up his phone. This will only make the problem at hand even bigger.

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Shutterstock

Don’t over-think things

Over-analyzing every move your man makes will only drives you crazy and it’ll take a lot of time away from your relationship. Instead of enjoying his company, you’ll be preoccupied with obsessing about things he does or says. Don’t over-think things or else you’ll end up hurting the relationship.

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Shutterstock

Don’t hide the real you

All good relationships are based on a true and genuine connection between two people. In a relationship you have to be yourself because even the front you put on will eventually stop working. Don’t hide who you really are and don’t be ashamed of your flaws. This guy needs and deserves to know the real you!

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  • boom!

    Finally some good info but dang, 15 pages…I must’ve been bored. lol

  • NOnya

    I think people that DON”T want to be in a relationship, are the ones actually sabotaging the “relationship” and make the ones that want to be in one BELIEVE that they are messing it up. Mind games.

    • boom!

      I get your point but maybe it’s someone insecure, someone afraid of being hurt especially if the new mate is good to them.

  • Mztisa

    Surprisingly good article despite the 15 pages! Not the usual your a “hot mess girl!” article…kudos!

  • Love this article! Great way to start the day. A lot of women need to know this.

  • Carribean Lorelei

    Good article

  • Robyn

    Ok not this morning, *15 pages* I’ll cross that bridge when i get there!