10 Crucial Differences Between a Gentleman & a Ghetto Man

November 4, 2010  |  

No matter where you grew up, whether hood or Hollywood, it’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re at…and you’re AT a grade A level of hot ghetto messification, if you’re a dude over the age of 12 and you still don’t know how to treat a lady by now.

There used to be a time when men would open doors and walk on the edge of a sidewalk if a girl was present, but now some of you dummies will let the door slam on a lady’s face and let your nasty pant-sagging behinds walk on the inside of the street, while the lady is left to the roadside. As a result of this lack of home training, we decided to outline the 10 crucial differences between a gentleman and a ghetto man (ghettoman).

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  • Allie

    This list is ridiculous! The stereotypes that are being peddled here are offensive. By gentleman, you obviously mean "man with money" and as a woman I should sit and wait for a man with money to come and take care of my every need and desire. Where's the part where a gentleman recognizes that you are partners and you work together toward common goals? Or that a gentleman makes a conscious effort to respect you, your emotions, and your thoughts and you both work towards compromises? A man buying you jewelry or paying for dinner does not make him a gentleman. I'm sure Tiger Woods bought Elin a ton of jewelry, and he is a great dresser who probably picked up all the tabs for Elin AND his harem of women. Financial security does not make a man a gentleman, it shows that he's responsible with his money. Financially secure men can be the worst, especially the few who prey who women who are not financially secure to exert some kind of dominance over her. This list needs some serious editing.

  • MacG

    Gentleman or a sponsor???

  • darkone1

    while I agree with the some of the comments a woman must deserve to be treated respect and love. Giving and caring is two venture between two people.

  • chenry

    This is more sterotypical nonsense. The way man treat women are both women and men fault. First a women except it, so he continues it and secondly because men are not teaching men how to be men. Lets start teaching our young girls to not accept boys that don't take care of themselves and speak/treat them disrespectfully. Men let teach our boy to respect women, and moms you can help to by demanding he respect all women and teaching you daughter to demand respect in a respectful way. I want my young son to be tough,educated and elegent and I want my step daughter strong, educated and grounded. This starts at home by them seeing how their mom and I interact and carry ourselves. Let stop the finger pointing and look at ourselves.

  • MrGantri

    1) I have to agree with the majority of the list – being a gentleman is a choice

    2) The "nice comfortable car", "impeccable" dressing, and buying "jewelry on birthdays" does not make a gentleman – you treat her like a woman, dress up for that woman, provide for that woman as BEST you can.

  • This is hilarious, but oh so true!!!!


    When you know better, you do better.


  • Patrick

    Is this a script from Strictly Business? This blog article is straight out of the 80s.

  • I have to agree with others, sterotypes are never a good thing… One must not blame others, when it comes to the mating game… ( aka.. relationships )

  • Robynne

    Lol at the responses below…most seem to suggest that there are virtually no black men (or very few) that fit the gentleman archetype, so they instead rag on the author for getting on the case of ghetto "men." Sorry, in my book men who are juvenile, irresponsible and are allergic to any type of gainful employment are not men.

    So essentially, a lot of the comments below seem to state that bw should settle for the hood guy. Nope, not ever. I value myself too much, thanks.

  • Valerie

    Also, I have not dated a 'ghetto' BM since I was a teen.

    They try to talk to me, I just keep it moving … it is obvious that they need a pillow and a banker.

  • Valerie

    "We" jump to the defense of BM when "they" are some of the worse men on the planet!

    In and out of jail, on the down-low, irresponsible, condom-phobic, WWchasing morons.

    Can you tell that I am tired of them and no longer seek them out as partners?

    Most BW are suckers. Most BM don't know their ass from their elbows, don't know how to be Dads .. the list goes on and on!

  • Niasia

    This is a very stereotypical article and like someone else said it is rather tacky and tasteless. Which Bourgeoisie wrote this? It reads like a Cuacasion person who only know's about African American life and experience through television. Why I clicked on it is beyond me…I should have known by the title!

  • Golden Standard

    I was with you up until the "bad hygene" and the "music in the background" WTF, you sound like the Tea-Partier who ran for office in NY, not all "ghetto" people have poor hygiene and not all "gentleman" have good Hygiene

  • TheMrs

    True! This a joke!

    Ladies you will miss out on the average good man if you believe everything in the article!

    Warning Warning this type of so called good man is a fantasy..

  • MilleAMillion

    This article is tasteless and tacky. And if this was supposed to be a joke, it isn't even funny. I really hope the women of color who read this have enough sense not to take this article seriously…and the author's name is X-man. Did a man write this? If so you should really be ashamed. You could almost see it as a plot to make black women seem insane!!! Get a clue!

  • simone

    It's articles like this are the reason why there are so many single black women. They read this crap and think this is real and what a man is supposed to be. I do agree that a man should be a gentleman and treat all women with the respect he treats the females in his family but telling woomen that a gentleman will make love to you with music in the background…..is almost laughable. And he's impeccably dressed at ALL times, damn, even when he's going to the basket ball game….what does he wear a tuxedo?? And he buys you nice jewlery ? I'm not saying that black men like this don't exist because they do however they are few and far between. So black women don't fall for this kind of fantasy the average black men are still being overlooked because of this type of unrealistic, materialistic fantasy of a man. And if this is the man you are waiting for……you'll be waiting a long long…..long…..long….time!!

  • Concerned

    The person who wrote this reminds me of exactly why my parents sent me off to college. Notice the title of this list is a reference to character of a man using a historically subjective word (used incorrectly anyway). The next issue I take with this list is that the title reflects something completely different than the content. Should the title not reflect the content. Its a wish list. So write a title reflecting a wish list. If you write garbage you should be made accountable for it. Now go back to school.

  • I find some things interesting about this article that I didn't think about before, X-man. Here's my question (playing Advocate here). If the ghettoman can make it to the point of using women for sex, "tonguing down" women, etc. Then why would a man be a gentlemen at all, when he can be a ghettoman and get a woman (even quality women) with so much LESS effort? In other words, what would you (or anyone) say are the advantages of being a gentlemen… for the gentlemen among us or those aspiring to be future gentlemen?

  • anonymous

    Black women are either chasing thugs or chasing white boys. The decent brother has no choice but to look outside his race.

  • shanna

    It is very difficult to find a normal man black or white. Most men beg for sex the moment you meet them, have no manners and are rude/aggressive. The only black men I have ever seen behave normal are the ones with white women, black men seem to be able to behave normallly for white women and treat their black women like booty calls, that are not even worth marrying.

    Look at all the stars and actors that are married to white women, how many of them are doing a chris brown to their women??? Hardly any, but just look at tiger woods- he give $100 million dollars to blondie- and she is not even called a gold-digger!!!

    The problem is black men are psychologically taught to hate black women and not to bother treat them right!

  • ava

    Most men are gay or bi and thats in many races. It seems they want to claim the title of the man but act like women. Yes some of you women are manly as well don't know how to be ladies. Its not a point of ghetto or not its a good man or a bad man and Ive dated white guys in the suburbs who act ghetto too. Ladies stop settling and single does not mean youre lonely.

  • Wilkor

    The problem with a lot of black women is they believe the gentleman is soft. Meanwhile, they love the ghetto dude because he represents manliness and toughness.

  • JoVah

    Lyndon, you are absolutely right. Given some of the comments that I've read and knowing a lot of women like that, they really don't know how to act when a man is a gentleman and he treats her…LIKE most white guys treat their lady. They open the door for a lady. They respect her and they aren't threatened by her. I'm raising my son to be a gentleman. He will catch the women worth catching and appreciate a gentleman who respects women and who treats her like a real lady.

  • Mona

    These are all the things we know but, many of us choose to ignore. But the bottom line is if a man doesn't respect himself he won"t respect you.

  • J-Business

    I think a lot of it has to do that many women simply don't recognize what a gentlemen is because they've never been exposed to one. Also it must be noted that many women have low self esteem, thus they would prefer to have a low quality man. Many figure that I know I'm not sh*t but neither is he, so I'm cool with that". It's a sad reality in the black community.


    I love this!! It is too funny. The sad thing is I know a 40yr old who is still claiming to be some type of "star" and was living in a house full of hood family.



  • The ghetto man has to do something right or decent. Somehow that's what the women go for. We gotta think of something he does good to impress the woman. You made him seem like a jerk- the irony..

  • Mina

    This is a bunch of crock, because my husband is a combination of both, so I am wondering where does he fit it? He is far from a thug or even remotely ghetto, but he could use some help in the gentleman department. I partly blame this on him not having a father in his life, he had no examples to follow, and at this point its hard to teach a grown man new tricks.

  • Women say "Where are all the good men?"

    Men say "Where are all the good women?"

    I'm guilty of uttering the first one on many an occasion. However, I have to correct myself because it's a lie born of hearing women who strive after men with thug-like qualities from my high school years. It's sad that this thought persists by thankfully it's something I've fought tooth and nail to ignore. I don't think this article "has no love for men." It gives love by providing a means by which women can review the qualities that truly make for a good man (not perfect). Hopefully, it will show up in the places where women need to see it most. Two thumbs up for all the men out there who exhibit the qualities forthcoming of gentlemen.

  • Lisa

    @Lyndon–you are soooo right! It's a shame that women are more used to the ghetto man, that when we receive a gentleman, we don't know what to do with him. Been there, done that. But thank goodness my gentleman was patient with me because it was a learning ordeal for me to understand what's REALLY good in a man and what's hood (and need to be left the hell alone). Whitney Houston said it best in Waiting to Exhale "once you have been treated a certain way, you can not go back to bullshyt"

  • NikNice

    LMAO hilarious! Omg the gift thing is sooooo true. That has always bothered me….need to do better smh

  • Blkqwn7

    I am so LMAO! Thanks X-man this was pure hilariously pleasurable! Like Nina I have dated both. Although, my ghetto man was an in between of both types. He would dress impeccable, had some conservative views and some not so conservative, but then he would do the flip-a-roo on me and I noticed dates was dinner at his place where we always ended up in bed. No he does not wear platinum that needed removing, he would of never fooled me with that one, but he did have poor hygenic habits that left my toes curly from bad breath germs! A dam smoker.

    I am now dating a genuine gentlman but he loves his jeans and t-shirts, just like me. We just know how to clean it up when it is appropriate. Outer appearances does not always dictate ones worth!

    Anonymous, clearly it is obvious why you chose to be anonymous with this "Black" women crap! I have seen all cultures date Mr. Bad guy and ones race has nada to do with anything. It's all about what Lyndon writes, familiarity. Along with not wanting to fix ones self and cluelessness. And this chasing White men crap. LMAO. Hell sweetie I can't keep them away fro me and half the time I am not noticing that they are interested until it is too obvious! I agree with Lyndon that many women— culture not a barrier, are so accustom to Mr. So Bad For Us types that we do not know how to handle Mr. Gentelman.

    X-man Love Love Love it!

  • IGuessso

    The same come could be true for men Lyndon. There are very few men who have met "Ladies". Not just women, but women who carry themselves with class. It's true though, some women would think a "gentleman" is weak. Hey, give me a nice guy any day. I NEVER liked the rough guys. Too much drama.

  • Nina

    I was lucky enough to have relationships with both these type of men so I know what I want in dont want and I can say a nice guy is what I crave now that im single

  • Toostie

    I agree 100% with this list. I prefer gentllemen but sometimes some "thug lovin'" can be cool too, sexually. Gentlemen that are well educated, has decent money, & are well respectable but can also put it down in the bedroom are my type 🙂

  • Mickey

    Unfortunately Lyndon is right. When a lotta women are treated with respect from a decent guy, they are equipped to handle it. They'd rather be dissappointed by a thug or player. Sad but true.

  • Al-J'ean

    Most women wish list have the same attribute Tall, Dark, Handsome, Rich, Sensitive, Nice Man — Once one is available they saying He is too Dark, too nice but never too Handsome or too rich,

    The disturbing trend to me is how they go for the bad boys with plenty of money ie: Janet/Dupry Beyonce/JZ Mariah/Nick etc…. I wonder if they did not have the loot if they would be considered partnership material…. Just wonderin'

  • innw

    That is not always the case, there are some women that like nice guys…and Im one of them, it's just a shame there aren't any good guys left.

  • anonymous

    Many black women gravitate towards the ghetto roughneck type. Gentlemen are considered too soft by many black women. Decent brothers routinely get passed over by sisters who are looking for a 50 Cent type. Those black women who are not looking for a thug are usually chasing after white men. The decent, educated brother has slim pickings among black women. Sad.

  • Most women appreciate gentlemen, but have never in their lives experienced it first-hand. So when they indeed see it it's foreign and can't appreciate it. Most would rather the rough type of guy cause that's what theyre familiar with.

    We all know nice guys dont get the girls.