Women don’t realize the power that we wield when it comes to love and relationships. I don’t know where it starts, our ignorance to the command/influence we have. I don’t know why we give ourselves so little credit in the way of steering our relationships. But I do know that for many of us, we misuse the power that we don’t even know we have. I know, because I’ve done it.
I gave him a big spoonful of what he had been giving me. Texts answered hours or a day late or even some just left totally unanswered. Half-hearted one-word replies. Nonchalance at its height. He needed to sweat. He needed to wonder the way I had wondered. He needed to know that I was not the type of woman to be played. No. I had a life and he wasn’t going to treat me as an afterthought. So, I fell back and let him wonder.
It was empowering the first day or so. But then the third and fourth day I started to feel differently. He was calling and texting like a mad man trying to figure out what was going on. I decided I had my fun and it was time to let him know I was done with this lopsided “relationship.” All the things I wanted to say came out cold and lacked feeling in about three text messages. But I wasn’t satisfied. It didn’t feel right. So a few days later I went by his house to talk. I practiced what I would say about his behavior and why I reacted the way that I did. I was ready to give him a piece of my mind along with the dose of his own medicine I had already served him.
What happened instead was pretty much not the way I saw the conversation going in my head.
“When we first started talking, we agreed to be open and honest with one another. We agreed that communication is a big key. But instead of communicating your feelings to me you just ignore me? That’s childish! You never made me aware of how you were feeling and there’s no way that you can justify that!”
I sat in silence for most of the conversation. I was stunned because no man has ever been able to rightfully speak to me like that. I couldn’t argue against his points. I had assumed so many things. I had taken his late responses to my text messages personally when in actuality, he was WORKING. I had used my power in the most juvenile of ways instead of communicating like an adult and it almost cost me a great friendship and what could be the beginning of an amazing relationship.
I thought I was teaching him a lesson, giving him a taste of his own medicine when instead I got schooled on my own lack of communication/trust and a lesson in humility. All rightfully deserved, when I sat and thought about it.
Sure, I got a reaction out of him, but for what purpose? Had I thought through my confusion and hurt I would have clearly seen that everything is not always as it seems and instead of jumping to conclusions, as I sheepishly admit I do sometimes, I should have spoken – IN PERSON, NOT VIA TEXT MESSAGE – to him about it. I have that right. I have that power. Not to nag but to communicate openly and honestly. And by God, if a man is ASKING for open and honest communication, that’s half the battle already WON!
Was it a bitter pill to swallow at first? Of course it was, sitting there being scolded by someone I had every intention of all but cursing out. But what was bitter at first taste became sweet once it sunk into my system. The power I have as a woman is not one of control or manipulation to MAKE a man do right or do what I think he should do so as to avoid ever being hurt. The power I wield as a woman is that of strength and honesty. There is no power in assumption or living in a perpetually reactive tit-for-tat state of mind. There is no true happiness or peace in that space either. I got the message loud and clear.
La Truly is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check out her blog: http://www.hersoulinc.com and Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.
