Are You Just Not Feeling Men Right Now? Signs It’s Not Them, It’s You

January 30, 2013  |  
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For a while you thought it was just a string of bad dates, or there just wasn’t chemistry with the men you were meeting. But now it’s been a while since you even felt a tingle down south—and I mean a while. You know you used to at least feel sexually attracted to a guy every couple of weeks, even if he wasn’t your soul mate. And now you’re not even getting that. Well there’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is: there are still good men out there for you. The bad news is: the problem might be with you.

You’re feeling dull in general

If you’re not feeling excited about your life—your career, your social life, things you have to look forward to—you won’t feel attractive, and in return you won’t feel attracted to people. We subconsciously do not allow ourselves to feel attracted to others when we don’t feel worthy of their attraction in return.

You’re on anti-depressants

Many anti-depressants mess with our libidos, our ability to feel chemistry with people and a lot of other, unexpected elements of the self. If you are on anti-depressants, the first thing you should do is ask your prescribing doctor or therapist if these feelings of a-sexuality are normal. And perhaps if you can switch to a different brand!

You’re not happy with your career

If you aren’t proud of yourself, you once again will not feel attractive and in turn attracted to men. It’s so important to develop the self and pursue our own goals before trying to link up our lives with somebody else’s. When we know there is still work to be done, we often don’t have the brain space to even acknowledge chemistry and let romance into our lives. Surely you’ve met a great guy who was too busy for love in the past. Well, now you’re that person. You’re working on yourself first.


You’re really happy with your career!

Sometimes you just want to do you! And that’s fine! Sometimes all of your time and brain space are filled up with work-related activities, but you’re loving it. You’re thriving. Right now is your time and your job is requiring a lot from you. That’s okay! You don’t always have to be in a relationship. Sometimes you’re in a relationship with your career, and you can enjoy that for a bit.

You’re going through something tough

If something emotionally traumatic has just happened to you, you’re not in a place to emotionally give of yourself, or take on another person. Dating means listening to someone else’s troubles and helping them. Maybe right now you need all your energy to help yourself heal.

You keep thinking about exes

If you find yourself suddenly having thoughts, or perhaps dreams, about tons of exes—even long lost ones—this is often a symptom of not being open to love. Instead, you fantasize about people it is impossible to be with.

Someone you used to crush on does nothing for you now

The barista at the coffee shop, a co-worker, a bartender or someone you used to get all hot and bothered around now does nothing for you. If at one time and recently somebody could turn you on, and now, for no apparent reason, they can’t, then it’s you, not them.

You like him…until sex happens

You can talk yourself into liking a guy, but your body can’t. Going through a slew of guys you feel excited about, and then completely lose interest in after having sex with them, is another symptom of just not being open to connection right now.


You can feel chemistry when drunk

So you’re capable of feeling giddy when you’re drunk, huh? That means, whenever whatever is going on is pushed out of your brain—as so often is the case when we’re intoxicated—your uninhibited, unburdened self can feel chemistry. That means you are still capable of those feelings, it’s just not the right time for you to feel them.

You understand they are great guys

On paper, each one is terrific. In fact, they are very much your type and you’ve been crazy about guys just like them in the past. Everything is in place. Sure, sometimes chemistry just isn’t there, even if things are good on paper. But if that has been the case with a dozen guys in a row, something is off with you.


You’re still talking to your ex

This will completely emotionally block you off to new love! If you’re still talking to an ex, you do not subconsciously feel single. You still have the attention of a man who knows you and has feelings for you. You may not realize it, but you have a wall up when you talk to new guys. It’s too bad you’re doing that to yourself.


You recently switched birth control

Certain birth controls can also mess with your libido. So talk to your gynecologist to see if it’s just your little white pills taking away your sex drive.

Thinking of your long lost love with someone else doesn’t bother you

An ex whom it used to pain you to even run into—now you can indulge in a full on visual day dream of him with another woman, and you feel nothing about that. Something is definitely off then.


You’re not excited for your friends

Even when your friend tells you all about the new guy she is seeing and is excited about, you can’t empathize. You can’t get excited for her. You’re so out of touch with feelings of love and giddiness.

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