While perusing Instagram sometime last week, I came across a very interesting post by an old colleague that was meant to put a few people on blast. He didn’t write what I’m about to say, but rather, he reposted it on his own Instagram profile because he felt the message was one that needed to be shared with as many people as possible. It went something like this:
“B***hes be screaming #teamnokids but forgetting to mention #team 10 abortions !!!”
At the time that I read the post, it was late, and I was chugging down some chocolate milk. (What can I say? It knocks me right out.) But let me tell you, I was so close to spitting my milk out on my phone after reading his post that it’s not even funny. I don’t personally know many women who’ve acted loud and proud like this when it comes to abortions, but I do know a few women (whether they know that I know or not) who’ve terminated pregnancies, some multiple, so I was shocked to see someone put folks on blast on something as trivial as Instagram to discuss such a serious issue. But hey, I guess the individual did have a point.
After the post sat for a few minutes, people started commenting. Many were saying “preach” and “sad but true.” But there was one girl who could speak for #teamabortion, and she had no regrets or sadness about the decisions she made in the past. In fact, she seemed kind of proud when she said in front of his many followers, “Team 4. AND.,” as if to say, “AND WHAT!?” After my colleague said what was on everybody’s mind in response to her (“OMG!”), he told her that she could have kept that little tidbit of information to herself. Her response? “Just saying. Ain’t my fault so many have tried and failed to trap me lmao.” Surprisingly enough, another woman joined in on the thread and agreed with her: “Werd. Rather that than be a rachet a** baby momma.”
I read these three comments over and over again, hoping what I was looking at was a joke. And when I realized these women were dead serious, I cut off my bedroom light, snuggled up under my covers, closed my eyes, and thought to myself, “Wow, the world is definitely going to hell in a hand basket.”
When I shared this story with some friends, they couldn’t believe it to be true, but it was as real as real could get, and very sad at the same time. I would be lying if I said that I don’t judge people from time to time, because we all do, even when we try not to. And while I can’t personally hold a grudge or be upset with another individual for the choices they make with their body and their children, I was hoping we could all have enough sense and tact to know that bragging about the number of times you’ve terminated the life of a baby and that you feel you dodged a bullet is beyond disgusting. While I’m all for women having a choice in what happens with their reproductive organs, I’m disappointed that this choice is so often used as a replacement form of birth control and is now so common that you can joke about it, in public, on social media, with your name attached to your profile, and not feel any kind of way about it. Has the idea of not being “trapped” by the responsibilities of motherhood at an inconvenient time that much of a relief to some that such procedures are now a friggin’ joke or have no emotional impact on us at all? If so, that’s a doggone shame.
In high school and college, I heard about classmates having one or two abortions, and then going on like nothing ever happened. I’ll never forget when one of my cousins told me about a girl she knew who had an abortion. Hoping to be the one to take her home and help her through what she assumed would be a tumultuous time emotionally, my cousin went along with this girl as she made one of the biggest decisions in one’s young life. After the procedure was over, the baby was gone, and the drowsiness had worn off, she tried to stay with the girl and be a shoulder for her. When she asked her how she was feeling and if she wanted to talk, my cousin said that this young lady perked up like someone asked her if she was ready for ice cream, and proceeded to wave off the whole thing like it never happened. She was “free.” And to this day I know (because the friend has said so) that she sleeps around recklessly because she can, pretending she’s the black Samantha from Sex and the City when she’s really a hot mess.
I’m not trying to throw the hammer down on any woman for doing what she has to do, because I know (or at least I hope) the decision to have an abortion is tough. Plus, only you know what you would do when faced with an unwanted pregnancy at the worst possible time. But I can’t help but be disgusted at people using something that serious and sometimes traumatizing for others and joking about it to be defiant because they can’t handle the truth. While you don’t have to turn into a “rachet a** baby momma” if you don’t want to be one, at least do yourself and these unborn children you’re throwing away a favor and get on a consistent form of birth control. We’ve all made mistakes and had to make tough decisions, but it’s not cute to brag about them; Because while you’re trying to make a joke out of something as serious as an abortion, you’re making a fool out of your damn self.