Truth or Circumstance? The New Year’s Kiss And 13 Other Hookups That Rarely Work Out
We’re nearing that time when we’ve figured out if that romantic, under-the-stars, tipsy midnight New Year’s kiss was actually going to go anywhere. For a lucky few, they locked lips with someone they were actually compatible with. But New Years Eve, like many other occasions, caters to a feeling of false intimacy. Or at the very least, makes us really want to hook up with someone we shouldn’t. Here are other times that happens.
The New Year’s Kiss
To get this one out of the way, around the holidays everyone is feeling more family-oriented. They crave emotional intimacy and close relationships more than ever. So, you probably let yourself believe there was more to that midnight kiss with a stranger than there really was. And now you’re both busy, back to work again, the magic of the holidays has worn off and you realize what you thought was chemistry was just a champagne buzz.
The Vacation Hookup
Meeting a guy on vacation is such a turn on because you feel bonded through experiencing “otherness” together. Maybe you go zip lining together, or try exotic foods or do something out of your comfort zone. But, no matter how strong a connection you feel with someone you meet on vacation, he probably doesn’t live in your own town and you shortly realize that you know way too little about this person to carry on a long distance relationship. If he does happen to be where you’re from, you usually quickly realize that you are totally different people when you’re back in your real lives. Everybody is more attractive, more fun, and more intoxicating on vacation.
The friend of a far away friend hookup
This is just a different version of the vacation hookup. You go visit a friend in another place and hit it off with one of her good friends there. You think this connection is more real than any random vacation hookup because you share a common friend. You must have some compatible qualities. But, once you go back to your own town, you’ll quickly realize a lot of the bond you felt with that guy was there because your good friend was there. Unfortunately she is not there on your Skype sessions with this guy, and you quickly realize you know nothing about him.
The “I’m finally drunk and have the courage” hookup
In most cases, if you were so shy that you had never even given the tiniest hint to a guy that you liked him while sober, things won’t go far even after a drunken hookup. You need to work up your confidence (your sober confidence) in order to have a real relationship! For the most part, you’ll go back to being a confused mess after the hookup and after the buzz wears off. You’ll be a nervous wreck, wondering when he’ll text you, acting nervous when you see him next and sending odd signals. If you can’t go for it sober, you probably can’t sustain it after you’re drunk.
The “I need to drown my sorrows” hookup
Whether over a breakup, over terrible news or the loss of a close friend, you need to drown your sorrows. So you go out and find a man to distract you. You turn the charm on extra high so that you can lie to yourself and the world about how you’re actually feeling right now. You bring a guy home. And then the next day, all those sorrows come rushing back (usually in a really awkward way, like you start balling your eyes out over coffee with your one night stand the next morning).
The “Well, he just likes me so much…” hookup
It’s flattering to be liked. And when you haven’t felt anything for a guy in a while, sometimes you just need to feel something, and feeling how strongly a guy feels for you kind of suffices. Kind of. So you call up a guy who has pined after you for months, who you never gave the time of day to before. His attraction to you is intoxicating for the night, but by the next morning it is suffocating and you realize you’ve made a huge mistake.
The “My friend likes his friend” hookup
It’s fun to have a double hookup—your best friend is hooking up with a guy, and you hook up with his best friend. But often the feelings of excitement and connection are only there because of the group dynamics. The sensations of being safe and familiar that you think are coming from the guy, are actually coming from your BFF! And when the foursome breaks up, usually so do you and your guy.
The old high school crush
We tend to idealize what our high school crush is like today – particularly when it’s someone who paid no attention to us in high school. We try so hard to win his affections that we totally overlook the fact that perhaps he is not that great of a catch. But you can’t overlook that forever and once the “Oh my god he likes me!” effect wears off, you tend to realize: “Hmm. He gained some weight. And he’s not really going anywhere with his life” or, a milder version, “We’re actually not that compatible.”
The co-worker hookup
Similar to when you hookup with the best friend of the guy your best friend is hooking up with, there are false feelings of intimacy here. Sure, you feel that you understand each other because you and your co-worker experience many of the same stresses and challenges, and because you know many of the same people. But rarely does that feeling of connection survive outside the work place. Should one or both of you no longer work at that company, you often quickly realize the only thing you related over was your common workspace.
The “I’ve always wanted to try an older guy…” hookup
Really any “novelty” hookup—I’ve always wanted to see what it’s like to be with a woman/a younger man/a race car driver—rarely works out because you’re focused on the outer traits of the person, rather than the inner ones. For the beginning of the fling, you’re just thinking how fun it is to go to racecar events every weekend, or to tell people you’re a lesbian now. But eventually that stops being exciting and you have to turn to the person and ask, “But are we really compatible?” Usually, you’re not.
The “I guess it’s time…” hookup
You go on multiple dates with a guy and they go well. You couldn’t pinpoint a problem with any of them. The conversation was good. He can certainly be described as “attractive.” Now it just seems like you’re supposed to sleep together. But here’s the thing: when you’re really into someone, none of that thought process even goes through your mind. You were thinking from date one, “Good god,do I want to spend the night with this person!!!” You only waited a few dates to be “a lady.”
The “We look great together” hookup
We’re only human. Sometimes we all get caught up in looking hot, and being with someone who is hot. And it’s a turn on knowing just how good you and a certain guy look together. It’s sort of sensual, checking yourselves out in the mirror the first few times you go to bed. And you love the, “You’re such a great looking couple!” compliments everywhere you go. This excitement can sometimes last for weeks before you realize you have nothing in common with this person.
The limited number of people hookup
In a setting where there are only so many people you could even possibly meet—say for example when you’re traveling in a group through a country where none of you speak the language, and the only people you have to speak English with are each other—that feeling of being bonded is false and short lived. The cutest guy in the group looks ten times as cute as he would back in your own city, where there are thousands of men to choose from. And heck, you’ve barely been able to speak your native tongue in weeks. You’re lonely.
The “I just moved to a new city and need comfort” hookup
Starting your life all over again in a new city is terrifying and lonely! Getting with a guy can give the illusion of filling that void—you know, the void that actually needs to be filled with making new friends, finding your new hobbies in that town, getting a new job and getting your own life. When you have no life of your own yet, you’ll tend to cling to any guy who comes along, taking on his life and his friends. But the truth always catches up with you and you realize you need to be alone and establish who you are in this new place, before you can be with somebody else.