Serious About Getting Over Your Ex? 15 Behaviors You Should Probably Cease Immediately

January 18, 2013  |  

A break-up is a fairly difficult experience to get past. The thought of no longer being with a person whom you once loved. The embarrassment or shame that sometimes comes with informing your family and friends that your “we” has just become a me – myself, and I. A bad break-up can certainly be among the most heart-gripping experiences that we as humans endure, and while Hollywood loves selling the myth that getting over your ex is as simple as over-indulging in a tub of ice cream, crying over your favorite playlist of sad love songs, and throwing darts at a photo of your ex, in the real world, we know that this simply isn’t true. These cliché and romanticized methods for dealing with a break-up are actually counterproductive, among countless others. If you’ve recently experienced a break-up or are simply struggling to get over your ex, here are 15 common behaviors that are most likely hindering your progress.

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Monitoring your ex’s social media profiles

I know how tempting it is, and I’ve been there. But checking your ex’s social media profiles to see what he’s been up to is not such a smart move if you’re serious about getting over him. For one, you run the risk of having your feelings hurt by seeing things that you don’t want to and were never supposed to see, such as photos of him with or flirty interactions between him and a new love interest. It’s a horrible feeling, take it from someone who’s been there. If you have it in you, I suggest deleting him from your friend’s list completely. If you can’t bring yourself to hit delete, that’s okay, too. Just begin practicing self-control and don’t give in to the urge to check his page. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

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Listening to sad love songs or songs that remind you of your ex

There’s nothing that can amplify the symptoms that come along with a broken heart like listening to sad love songs. God knows I used to start start my day off half-way decent and by the time I made it to the end of an Adele album I’d be a total wreck, ready to dial up my ex for no good reason. Those songs have a way of reminding you of the pain that you’re feeling. It’s best to avoid them, for now anyway.

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Maintaining hope that he will come back

When you desire to get over an ex, a big hinderance is maintaining hope that there’s a possibility of reconciliation somewhere down the road. It’s nearly impossible to move forward if you’re still somehow hoping that he’s going to come back and things will go back to the way that they were. One way to mentally prepare yourself as well as spare your heart from more potential heartache is to stop being in denial and kill any hope that you may have of reconciliation.

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Obsessing over what went wrong

We’re human and it’s in our nature to try to work things out in our heads. Sure you’d like to know what went wrong in the relationship. Sometimes, the answer can be pretty obvious and other times it can be pretty vague or even unexplainable. There’s no use crying over spilled milk and it makes no sense to obsesses over a relationship that is clearly over. Remember the lessons you may have learned from the experience and keep it moving.

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Comparing yourself to the new woman in his life

Whether you think she’s cuter than you or not, comparing yourself to the new woman in his life is pointless, so knock it off. Who she is, where she went to school, how many degrees she has or any other details about her life shouldn’t matter to you anymore. It’s just another roundabout way of giving him relevance in your life.

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Trying to maintain communication with him

There’s nothing more awkward than holding a conversation with someone just for the sake of having a conversation. The awkward pauses, the one-word answers. Come on, girl. You’re better than that. Going hard to maintain communication with your ex after the relationship is only hindering the process of getting over him. It’s just another way of holding onto him. Let it go. And then next time you feel the urge to text him, don’t.

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Keeping him on a pedestal 

He could’ve been a really great guy, but just like you aren’t perfect, neither was he. Chances are, if the relationship was so “wonderful” and he was so “perfect,” the two of you would still be together. We have the tendency to reflect on our past relationships and only remember the good times, especially if we miss the person. I’m not saying you should dwell on the negativity, but I am saying that you should take him off of a pedestal. If you didn’t see him as your “dream” guy while the two of you were together, chances are he probably still isn’t your dream guy, and you’re not missing out on much.

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Holding on to little keepsakes that had a lot of meaning in your relationship

That cute little stuffed animal that he won for you that time you guys went to Six Flags.

The sweater he used to wear that he gave you after you always found yourself cold in his apartment.

Even the basketball shorts that he may have accidentally left over your house.

Trash them! All of them! I mean really, if every time you look at these items you’re reminded of him and if you say you really want to get over him, please tell me, what sense does it make to hold on to these things?

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Constantly talking about him and what happened 

Yes, sometimes talking about your problems and expressing your feelings to the people who care about you is helpful in getting through a rough time. But, there has to come a time when you have to say enough is enough. There has to come a time when you say, “I’m done talking about this.” By constantly discussing a situation, the pain of it, you give it life and if you really want to get over him, consider removing his name from your vocabulary for a while. It may be hard at first, but in the end, you’ll feel better.

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Allowing him to have unlimited access to you

Ever date a guy who no longer desired to be in a committed relationship with you, but still wanted you to be at his beck and call as if you were still together? You may even be going through a situation like that right now. Maybe he’s a guy you’re trying to get over, but he keeps coming back.

DEAD that. Immediately. He’s only coming back because you’re giving him something to come back to. If you really want to get over him, allowing him to see and call you whenever he wants is not the move. Allow those calls to go to voicemail and decline any advances he makes to spend time with you. I mean really, what does he think this is?

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Allowing friends to give you the scoop on what he’s been up to

This one can be a little difficult. Especially because your girls probably think they’re doing you a favor by keeping you abreast with all current events involving your ex. This one is going to take strength, because deep down inside, you probably really are curious as to what he’s been up to since the two of you parted ways. But, it’s best that you don’t know. Let your friends know that you aren’t interested in hearing anything about him. You’re no longer his girlfriend and you don’t need to know his life. Getting over him just might depend on it.

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Telling yourself he was “the one”

The ideology of “the one” is really counterproductive when it comes to getting over an ex-lover. It makes you closed-minded to anyone else who will enter your life because you’re so convinced that your ex was the only person you were meant to be with. While I do believe in soul mates and God-ordained spouses, I also believe that “the one” wouldn’t be able to just walk away from you so easily. If this was the person you were destined to be with, chances are you’d still be together. And if you are destined to be together, he’ll be back. But, for right here, right now, and the sake of getting over him, quit telling yourself he was the one.

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Convincing yourself that this was “it” and you’ll never love again

I know it hurts, but don’t be so melodramatic. You will love again. The sun doesn’t rise and set on your ex. He isn’t the be-all, end-all. Don’t let him be the reason that you shut all chances of romance out because he did something to hurt you. If you really think about it, that’s just another way of allowing him to control you.

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Sulking 

Laying around, wallowing in your misery is only going to make you feel like crap. Stop dwelling on how bad the situation was and how horrible you feel. Get up and get moving. Is there a class you’ve always wanted to take? An old girlfriend that you’ve been meaning to have meet up with you? What about a gym that you’ve been meaning to join? In situations like this, your mind and your thoughts can be your worst enemy. Keep yourself occupied.

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Harboring bitterness and resentment 

By holding a grudge against your ex, you are still holding on to him. Do yourself a favor and forgive him. You’ll feel much better. Don’t let him rent space in your head. Why? Because we’re at the beginning of a new year. Start fresh and baggage free!

 

Follow Jazmine Denise on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • Bianca

    You did this with this article! Lovely.

  • Torontochick

    I needed to read this. Officially not texting anymore.

  • Great advice!!