From The Sexual To The Spiritual: Which Attraction, Attracts You The Most?

January 21, 2013  |

“We attract hearts by the qualities we display; we retain them by the qualities we possess; and we destroy them by the qualities we fail to display.” -Liz Lampkin

It was a hot Fourth of July holiday; my son and I were invited to a barbecue for fun and fellowship at a close friend’s home. While the meal was being prepared, my son’s godmother and I were engaging in conversation when the doorbell rang. As my son’s godmother walked toward the door, she stated that it was probably her stepson outside, because he comes to dine with them often. Initially, I didn’t think anything of her comments until he walked over the threshold of the door. This young man was one of the finest beings of God’s creation I had laid eyes on in quite some time, and my first thoughts about him were, Umm, Umm, Umm …(I’ll keep the rest to myself). Then I took a deep breath without anyone noticing to clear the thoughts that were moving about in my head. When the young man walked in, he spoke to everyone, and then my son’s godmother introduced him to me. He said hello, and I responded with the same greeting. He then went outside to join his father. When Mr. Physical Attraction walked past, my eyes followed him, and I intricately observed his every move until he disappeared. When he left the room, I had this feeling of anxiousness and passion to get to know him. But then, I realized that I only wanted to know him because of his outer appearance, and my only concerns were his physique and how I could benefit from it.

The quote above makes a powerful statement. It suggests that we initially draw someone’s attention, emotions and affections by the things we do, we keep someone’s interest with the qualities we have within, and we can destroy a relationship in its entirety by the qualities that are lacking within. It made me think to ask myself, as a woman, what qualities do I display to attract someone’s attention? What qualities retain my attention? What initially attracts me to someone, and what holds my attention? An attraction is to draw by appealing to the emotional, physical attributes, or senses by stimulating interest. It is to arouse or compel that interest, admiration, or the attention of someone by various actions, intellect, or appearance that appeal to the human senses.

There are many types of attractions that exist that include but aren’t limited too: cognitive, emotional, sexual, physical, and spiritual. A cognitive attraction is the compelling interest in someone’s intellect. It is being drawn to the way someone thinks, the philosophies they live by, and/or their points of view about life. This attraction comes from introducing, sharing, and discussing new ideas and thoughts regarding different aspects of life. It brings forth new ways of thinking and points of view of life to someone, which in turn draws the attraction to unfamiliar, fresh, and exciting ideas. An emotional attraction is an egotistical attraction that allows someone to be drawn to an emotion that is lacking in someone else’s life. This attraction seeks to fulfill the emotion that is lacking within someone else to assist him or her in moving forward from a disturbing emotional experience. While seeking to fulfill an emotion lacking in someone else, the person may be subconsciously seeking emotional fulfillment for him or herself. Emotional attractions often lead people to go into the heroine or hero syndrome, which is an egotistical syndrome that leads people to believe they can save and rescue someone else through emotionally-led actions. A sexual attraction is stimulation on the basis of sexual desires. It derives from a physical attraction that is often enhanced by sexually led conversations, sexual gestures, and sexual thoughts. It is also being drawn to someone after engaging in sexual activities. A physical attraction is appealing to the outer exterior of one’s fleshly being and material possessions. It derives from what a person observes with physical eyes and often what someone hears and feels. Sexual and physical attractions go hand in hand. A spiritual attraction is being drawn to the godly and God-ward attitude someone displays, as well as the biblical principles one lives by. This attraction is derived from viewing a person’s walk in discipleship and relationship with God.

While many people have experienced one of these attractions, I’m curious to know what draws and holds one’s attention. It seems as though the strongest of all attractions is physical, because people react to what they see, especially if they like what they see; but how many times has a physical attraction turned into a bad experience? Meaning, how many times has a physically attractive person turned you off because of their attitude, demeanor, so on and so on?   And in turn, how many times have you been attracted to someone who is not so physically attractive, but has a heart of gold, and the spirit of an angel? There are many reasons why people are drawn to someone, too many to name, but some primary reasons people are drawn to someone is because they are curious about them, they want to know more about who they are, they may have common interests with them, or they are compelled to assist them emotionally. Whatever the reasons people are attracted to someone, the fact remains that something within someone else taps into the curiosity of another person which leads them to want to get to know them better. Attraction stimulates and peeks the initial curiosity of someone, but which attraction is stronger, and which attraction actually keeps you interested?

Which attractions lead your relationships? Which attraction is the focal point for building your relationships?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.



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  • pretty1908

    I look at how man relates to others, his relationship with his family, his relationshipw with money, and most of all his relationship with God. I used to think that looks , sex, and money would ensure that he was a suitable mate for me, but I met a man who challenged me to do and be better while I did the same for him. We established and still working on our friendship . I see a lot of myself and God in him, and he has qualites that I lack and I want my kids to have.

  • Angel89

    This was a great article!… I’ll have to come back to answer the questions because I’ve never really thought about this so deeply… but this is one I’m going to have to bookmark

  • Kam

    When I first met my husband I worked for him, and he was a douche of the highest order so I never really paid attention to his looks. To this day I don’t know if I ignored his looks because I was mad at every man in the world due to a recent bad break-up, or because he was really just that rude. Anywho, I figured out he was a nice looking young man by the time we had our first date, but what really locked him into my heart was the passion in which he fought to be a part of his son’s life, and the love he showed to me, my family and his family. Looks don’t last forever. Heart, soul, intellect, spirit those are the things that should matter in the end.

  • I dated a beauty challenged man for a minute. He made me laugh and had a overall amiable personality. However his insecurities about his looks mucked everything up. There’s only so much reassuring I’m going to do before I cut your azz loose. I lucked out really, my husband hits all three categories.

  • imahrtbrkbeat

    I hate having to leave my computer on mute with all of these bloody advertisements. I want to enjoy your articles, but I need something to be fixed. Or at least offer a printable version so I don’t have to be subjected to Bounty paper towel ads, Always Maxi Pad ads, and interviews for Think Like A Man and Five Year Engagement. #rantover

    • *psst* download adblocker to your browser…adblocker plus is better if you use chrome.

      • demecho

        Thanks,i will do that…live well

      • imahrtbrkbeat

        thanks. I’m always wary about the adblocker because of add-ons and such.

    • demecho

      I agree with you. I thought that it was just me…rant on

  • Miyako

    “A spiritual attraction is being drawn to the godly and God-ward attitude someone displays, as well as the biblical principles one lives by. This attraction is derived from viewing a person’s walk in discipleship and relationship with God.”

    With that said, a ‘spiritual attraction’ is nonexistent for me because I do not believe in the invisible deity in the sky.

    And, initially a physical attraction attracts me the most, but it is very easy to lose a physical attraction to someone if he/she turns out to have poor morals, no sense of ethics, and a dull personality.

  • Nikki

    I’m attracted to men like my dad. Intellectual, social butterfly, occasional inappropriate jokes, considerate of others, and listens when you need them to.

    My dad is an amazing husband to my mother, even though she doesn’t know it or appreciate the little things he does. (Daily breakfast in bed, washes her car, handyman, plays chauffeur to kids, runs errands across town, etc.)

    • Other than the breakfast in bed, aren’t men supposed to do the other items you listed?

  • DTJ

    Interesting. My main attraction is cognitive. While I do like for the person to be attractive I like brains behind the man I deem attractive to me. Spiritual and emotional attraction follows as time goes on

  • bluekissess

    If you can see the physical attraction would come first. I don’t see anything wrong with that. You like what you like. Physical attractions can die quick if the intellectual doesn’t match the physical. In my mind I would love for a man to have a little bit of both BUT this isn’t a fairy tail this is real life. I can’t pick one over the other because somehow it all intertwines together. But, if I had to choose the emotional and spiritual would ultimately win.