A Rough Patch Or A Bad Attitude? Signs You Are Dating A Pessimist

January 29, 2013  |  
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Even the most positive of people will have their down days when life gets the best of them; when so much has stacked up against them that their usual cheery defenses are shot. So don’t panic if your man hits a rough patch. But that’s all it should be—a patch. Because being someone’s cheerleader every day, and having to believe in someone when he doesn’t believe in himself, is not only exhausting; it’s unhealthy. All your energy will go to supporting the other person, and you’ll have none left for yourself. And the saddest part is, that energy will be wasted because you can’t make a person think positively who doesn’t want to. So, are you dating a negative man? Here are the signs.

"black man shrugging shoulders pf"

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He’s not surprised by defeats

When he gets turned down for a job, his emotions barely waver. He says things like, “I knew that would happen”, “Figures”, or “What was I thinking even applying?” If he’s not surprised by defeat, it’s because he never had his hopes up in the first place. But a part of succeeding in life is keeping those hopes up, even after they are disappointed time and time again.

"Couple arguing - PF"

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He gets irritated when people try to help him

When someone tries to suggest a job he applies for, gives him the name of someone who could help him or in any way tries to advise him he becomes irritated and defensive, viewing that person’s advice as criticism instead of care.

"black couple arguing pf"

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He thinks of every reason something will fail

Suggest he go after some goal and he tells you exactly what the odds are he’ll actually succeed (the odds are low), just how many other people are going after the same goal and how much more qualified they are, all the gruesome and unpleasant things he’ll have to do to achieve that goal and just about any excuse not to go after it. But somehow he fails to realize that all of those exact same odds were stacked against the people who have succeeded at that goal. The only difference was, they didn’t let it get to them.

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When you fail, he blames everyone else

When you fail—say you don’t get a job you interviewed for—he immediately spits off everything horrible about the employer, the company, and why you wouldn’t have wanted that job anyways. It’s nice that he provides a space to vent but how does that type of talk move you forward in any way? It doesn’t.

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He suspects everyone is cheating

Anybody who is successful must have done something shady to get there. They must have slept with someone, or paid someone off, or had their daddy call in a favor. Essentially, seeking yet another excuse why he shouldn’t go after his goals, he becomes determined that going after them would require him to compromise his morals.

"Cute black guy with his arms crossed pf"

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He is stand offish to successful people

At a dinner party where he discovers the person he is speaking to is (gasp!) successful in his career, your guy dismisses that person. Or, he becomes noticeably argumentative with that person, challenging everything he says.

"Happy black woman - PF"

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He finds cheery people annoying

Regardless of if someone is successful in their career, if they are positive about their prospects and believe everything will work out, your boyfriend finds them annoying and of course “naïve.”

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When he gets drunk, he gets depressed

We all become a little unrealistic when intoxicated. But in what direction a person becomes unrealistic is very telling about him. A happy, positive person has grand illusions about how his life will go when he gets drunk, cheerfully talking to his friends about companies they should start and adventures they should go on! A negative person has sad illusions about how bad his life will turn out, suddenly rambling on about how nothing will ever work out.

"Guys drinking and hanging out pf"

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His friends are negative

When it comes to outlook on life, opposites do not attract. Positive people want to surround themselves with other positive people. They want to feed of each other’s energy, exchange ideas and keep their outlook bright. And then there’s that age-old saying, “Misery loves company” which is all too true. Negative people like other negative people, because when one says, “My life will never work out well” the other says, “It’s okay. Nobody’s will.” So, whom does your man hang out with?

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He’s happy when someone else fails

When anyone—a friend or even someone in the media—fails, your partner laughs, or celebrates the fact that he was “right” when he said things wouldn’t work out for that person. Each person he sees fail is just another reason he can add to his roster of excuses and examples of why he shouldn’t go after his own goals.

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He always finds the bad in people

You leave a dinner party where you met a bunch of new people, and your guy lists off everything annoying about each one. Even when you say, “So and so was nice” he comes back with a, “Yeah, but…”

"Man smoking on a couch pf"

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He’s not doing much with his life

Positive people are doing things! And it’s not because they succeeded on their first try at everything. It’s because they tried and tried again, until something worked out. If you’re a positive person something does work out. You’re working, you’re volunteering, you’re on a softball league—whatever. You like to fill your life with activities. If your guy isn’t up to much in his life, it’s because he doesn’t believe anything will make him happy or work out.

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Shutterstock

He is unreasonably affected by sad stories

When he hears a sad story about someone he has never even met, he becomes unreasonably depressed. He becomes introspective, moody and uncommunicative. And eventually the truth comes out that it’s all about that sad story he heard hours ago, about a person he will never even meet. And then, he goes on a rant about how, “That’s just how life is” or “That’s because the world is a terrible place.”

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He has no dreams

If you don’t believe a dream will ever come true, what’s the point in having any? A negative man never even entertains a dream or aspiration that flickers in his mind for a moment. That way, his excuse for not going after anything is that he is “perfectly happy the way things are.” But nobody who dares to be positive is ever “perfectly happy the way things are.” They always aspire for more.

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  • Dre

    I would consider somebody with these behaviors depressed and in need of help. Don’t know how u would go about though.

  • kathicks01

    These men are losers….

  • Dee

    I don’t need to click through 20 pages to realize my ex was a paranoid pessimist. He always found something to be paranoid about and after two years of being the supporting gf, I had had enough.

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