I saw this story yesterday and chuckled. But I kept stumbling across it, so I took it as a sign that I must need to share this gem of a story with the Madame Noire audience because it’s just too good to keep to myself.
Brenda Schumann, 51, of Indian River County, Florida was arrested for aggravated assault, domestic violence and resisting arrest after she found her husband in bed with another woman.
Brenda and her husband Donovan have been separated for a few months and are said to be in the process of divorce; but clearly, Brenda is not taking any of this too well. On December 21, Brenda drove to her husband’s home with a rifle. She barged into her husband’s bedroom where she found he and his girlfriend sleeping.
The girlfriend recalls Brenda threatening them saying, “I’ll [expletive] kill you both!”
But in a moment of distraction, Brenda lost focus and her estranged husband was able to wrestle the rifle away from her. During the tussle Brenda managed to kick the girlfriend in the stomach…twice.
After that, instead of going home, mission unaccomplished, Brenda proceeded to urinate in the carpeted hallway outside the bedroom. And as if that wasn’t enough, she made her way to the kitchen where she defecated on the floor. Somehow Brenda found another rifle and destroyed mirrors, pictures and Christmas decorations before heading back to her own apartment.
That’s where police found her sometime later. But Brenda wasn’t expecting them. When she opened the door, she immediately tried to close it back, creating a barrier between herself and the officers. It didn’t work.
As Brenda was being arrested, she waived her right to remain silent and asked the police officers, perhaps rhetorically:
“I found him in bed with a na ked chick. What was I supposed to do?”
If there were any chance of the Schumanns working on their marriage, I’m sure her threatening his life at gunpoint and taking a dump on his kitchen floor to boot, squashed all of that.