It’s A New Year And A New Me: Ways I Won’t Let A Man Treat Me In 2013
Just as everyone is sitting down to assess their plan of action with their diets, their workout regiments, their careers, and their finances, the new year is the perfect time to sit down and assess your plan of action with your love life. If things didn’t go the way you’d hoped in 2012, for the most part that was no stroke of bad luck. It was an accumulation of wrong decisions, shortsightedness, and perhaps failure to respect yourself and your needs. Don’t just charge into 2013 saying, “My love life will be better this year!” Ask yourself how?What will you consciously do, or perhaps not do, to improve your love life? A great way to begin is to make a list of behavior and treatment you just won’t tolerate. This might help you get started with your list.
I won’t let a man lead me on
I’ll recognize that if a man is good and interested, he will show me that interest. I will recognize that if a man wants me, he will treat me accordingly. And even if a man wants me but simply does not treat me accordingly, I won’t make excuses for him. Because I do not want to be with a man who hasn’t learned the confidence and good nature to pursue a woman he wants, with earnestness and persistence.
I won’t let a man belittle my work
I won’t be with a man who tunes out when I speak about what I’m truly passionate about, or a man who refuses to attend important work-related events with me, or speaks of my work as if it is “cute” or a hobby of mine. I will only be with a man who recognizes—no matter how big or small—that my pursuits are important because they are what make me happy.
I won’t let a man treat me like a toy
I won’t let a man only call me when he wants entertainment, or sex, or someone to vent to. I am not a toy that sits around for someone else to use. Receiving affection and attention is only half of a healthy relationship: the other is receiving it unconditionally, not only when one person feels like it.
I won’t let a man make me believe I’ve done something wrong, when I have not
I won’t let a man convince me I was flirtatious with another man when I was not, or that I mistreated him when I did not, or that I did something out of line when I did not. I will not allow a possessive, insecure man manipulate me into believing that I have wronged when it is simply he who will not own up to his own insecurities.
I won’t let a man change me
I will not let a man attempt to change me—the way I dress, the way I speak, the friends I associate with, the passions I pursue, how I spend my time. I’m not someone to be molded. I’m fully grown and developed and I like the way I am. Even if a man is attractive and tempting, he is useless to me if he does not find me to be those things, just as I am. No man is worth changing who I fundamentally am.
I won’t let a man make me feel like a burden
I won’t be with a man who believes he is the only one who has problems, or who has had a long day, or who has a busy schedule. I won’t be with a man who treats it like one more thing he has to deal with when I want to vent about my day. I will only be with a man who considers it a privilege to even be allowed into my life and who is happy to compromise and accommodate for me.
I won’t let a man make me feel like I’m lucky he’s even with me
I will only be with men who recognize that they are lucky to be with me! (But of course, I will not push this in their faces or behave condescendingly). I want a relationship built on mutual respect and adoration. No feelings of being indebted to someone, or patronized.
I won’t let a man belittle my needs
If I need more romance, more communication, more sex, SO BE IT! I cannot help what I need and desire and I won’t be with a man who tells me my needs are irrational, immature or unfair. If this man cannot give me what I need, another man can. On to the next one!
I will not let a man make me feel jealous
I will never tolerate blatant attempts to make me jealous in my relationship. That is an extremely unhealthy behavior that only takes place when two people do not know how to communicate with one another. I understand that attempts to make me jealous should not be met with revenge. They are an indication of deep issues in my relationship that need to be addressed.
I will not let a man make me feel embarrassed for my emotions
I’m a woman and I get emotional! Hear me roar! I won’t let a man laugh at me, or avoid me, or reprimand me for having emotions. I will only be with a man who recognizes that emotions are a normal part of living, and respects when I have them, and tries to do what he can to ease them, without disregarding them.
I won’t let a man make me feel too loud, weird or quirky
If I scare a man away with my personality, good—my personality provided me a filter for the men I am not meant to be with. I won’t make myself smaller, or quieter, or dress more conservatively to make a man feel comfortable. I will charge on at full force—as I am—understanding that big personalities will scare off most men, but that is okay. The one who finally sticks is the one worth being with.
I won’t let a man make me feel competitive
I want my relationship to be a place where both me and my partner can completely be ourselves, show our weaknesses, cry if we need to, talk about our defeats and insecurities. I will not be in a relationship where I feel I must always put on my “game face” and never show weakness. That is not what a relationship is about. That’s what the rest of life is about.
I won’t let a man make me feel unsuccessful
I won’t let a man make me feel bad about my position in my job or my progression in my career. I won’t let a man tell me I’m not doing enough. I want a man who encourages me to pursue what I love, but never pressures me. As far as my career goes, that is my own path to walk. He can either cheer me on or stay out of my way.
I won’t let a man make me feel like an object
I won’t let a man pressure me into sex when I don’t feel in the proper emotional place to get physical. I do not owe a man anything, even if he is my boyfriend or husband. If we have been emotionally disconnected in some way, and I do not feel comfortable getting intimate, that is my choice. The emotional issues must be addressed before we can be physical again.