Open Letter To All Men In The Club: Keep Your Hands And Pelvis To Yourself

January 16, 2013  |  

Dear Men in the Club,

This letter is for all men who seem to think that aggressively staring, grabbing, thrusting, or following me is the way to get my attention in a nightclub. Maybe I’m old fashioned, or maybe I’m just past that stage in my life where I would crave a lot of male attention. Either way, these things are really starting to annoy the hell out of me, and I feel like it’s time for me to address them.

First of all, please stop assuming that I automatically want to dance with you. There is nothing worse than when my favorite track comes on, and right when I’m about to bust a move on the dance floor, some man decides to completely crowd my dancing space with his pelvis! Of course, we all like us a little grind here and there, but that doesn’t mean we want it all the time. Sometimes we just want to dance with our girls or with the group. It also doesn’t mean you’re allowed to automatically start touching me. Seriously why can’t you just ask me if I want to dance? Do I have a sign on my butt that says, “place pelvis here”? Don’t think so, so please stop voluntarily putting it there.

Secondly, I can’t stand it when you stare at me as if your eyes are broken. Seriously, unless you actually need to visit an eye doctor, some of you men are in some serious need of flirting 101. When are men going to learn that staring at me like you’re going to stab me with your straw is not attractive? In fact, it’s not even cute, it’s just plain creepy. If you really want to grab my attention in a smooth manner, a sly glance with a slight smile should do the trick.  Actually, I have an even easier way you could do it. How about coming up to me to say hi? You know, like what normal people do when they meet someone? Somehow men seem to have forgotten this simple yet effective approach.

Thirdly, I don’t appreciate being grabbed or held up. It happens all the time. I’m going to use the ladies room and you grab on my arm. I’m trying to get a drink and someone grabs my wrist. Naturally, I always look to see who it is, if it’s a stranger and I’m not interested I will kindly shake my head, politely say “no thanks” and attempt to go about my business. What I don’t get is if I’m clearly trying to walk away, why are you still holding on? Squeezing my wrist tighter is not going to make me suddenly want you.  On top of that, why do you have to grab me so aggressively? Whatever happened to a tap on the shoulder? A pat on the back? Somehow, touching etiquette has been replaced with grabbing etiquette.

Lastly, I need to address this need to follow me around as if I’m handing out free food. I would have never thought there would be a downside to a man buying me a drink, but it can very easily turn into a catch 22 situation. Why? Because some men seem to mistake buying you a drink for buying you a leash. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate a cocktail, but not if it means you’re going to be following me around the club for the rest of the night. Somehow, spending a few dollars on me means that you own me all night. In some cases, we may actually have good chemistry, and it’s obvious that we’re enjoying hanging out together, but in other cases, if I say something like “I’ll be right back” or “ I’m just going to find my friends,” it means give a girl some space! If this is how it’s going to be, then I’ll buy my own drink please. If I didn’t walk into the club with you, then I most likely don’t want to leave the club with you either.

Of course, this all assuming that you’re actually trying to get my number or talk to me. If all you want to do is hump as many women on the dance floor as possible, then please just stay away from me altogether.


An annoyed woman who’s just trying to enjoy her night.

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