Open Letter To All Men In The Club: Keep Your Hands And Pelvis To Yourself

7 comments
January 16, 2013 ‐ By Esi Mensah

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Dear Men in the Club,

This letter is for all men who seem to think that aggressively staring, grabbing, thrusting, or following me is the way to get my attention in a nightclub. Maybe I’m old fashioned, or maybe I’m just past that stage in my life where I would crave a lot of male attention. Either way, these things are really starting to annoy the hell out of me, and I feel like it’s time for me to address them.

First of all, please stop assuming that I automatically want to dance with you. There is nothing worse than when my favorite track comes on, and right when I’m about to bust a move on the dance floor, some man decides to completely crowd my dancing space with his pelvis! Of course, we all like us a little grind here and there, but that doesn’t mean we want it all the time. Sometimes we just want to dance with our girls or with the group. It also doesn’t mean you’re allowed to automatically start touching me. Seriously why can’t you just ask me if I want to dance? Do I have a sign on my butt that says, “place pelvis here”? Don’t think so, so please stop voluntarily putting it there.

Secondly, I can’t stand it when you stare at me as if your eyes are broken. Seriously, unless you actually need to visit an eye doctor, some of you men are in some serious need of flirting 101. When are men going to learn that staring at me like you’re going to stab me with your straw is not attractive? In fact, it’s not even cute, it’s just plain creepy. If you really want to grab my attention in a smooth manner, a sly glance with a slight smile should do the trick.  Actually, I have an even easier way you could do it. How about coming up to me to say hi? You know, like what normal people do when they meet someone? Somehow men seem to have forgotten this simple yet effective approach.

Thirdly, I don’t appreciate being grabbed or held up. It happens all the time. I’m going to use the ladies room and you grab on my arm. I’m trying to get a drink and someone grabs my wrist. Naturally, I always look to see who it is, if it’s a stranger and I’m not interested I will kindly shake my head, politely say “no thanks” and attempt to go about my business. What I don’t get is if I’m clearly trying to walk away, why are you still holding on? Squeezing my wrist tighter is not going to make me suddenly want you.  On top of that, why do you have to grab me so aggressively? Whatever happened to a tap on the shoulder? A pat on the back? Somehow, touching etiquette has been replaced with grabbing etiquette.

Lastly, I need to address this need to follow me around as if I’m handing out free food. I would have never thought there would be a downside to a man buying me a drink, but it can very easily turn into a catch 22 situation. Why? Because some men seem to mistake buying you a drink for buying you a leash. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate a cocktail, but not if it means you’re going to be following me around the club for the rest of the night. Somehow, spending a few dollars on me means that you own me all night. In some cases, we may actually have good chemistry, and it’s obvious that we’re enjoying hanging out together, but in other cases, if I say something like “I’ll be right back” or “ I’m just going to find my friends,” it means give a girl some space! If this is how it’s going to be, then I’ll buy my own drink please. If I didn’t walk into the club with you, then I most likely don’t want to leave the club with you either.

Of course, this all assuming that you’re actually trying to get my number or talk to me. If all you want to do is hump as many women on the dance floor as possible, then please just stay away from me altogether.

Sincerely,

An annoyed woman who’s just trying to enjoy her night.

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  • RifaG

    Yes yes and Yes!! Can we take a second to talk about “seemingly innocent” touching when moving past me? Your hands don’t need to be on my butt or my lower back or my neck to move past me. Quit fakin, keep your hands to yourself, and hit me with an excuse me. Trust if you brush up against me i get it, its crowded, but brushing up against me with your hands in an inappropriate place… too much.

  • sabrina

    I agree with this all. Guys do all the things they know they cannot get away with in real life in the club: stalk, sexually harass, etc.

  • afroveda

    I agree with this open letter 100%. I went out a few weekends ago and was talking to some friends when all of a sudden I feel someone smack me on the behind. When I turned around I didn’t see who did it so I asked the closest man to me if it was him and he said no. This is middle school behavior. I was in utter shock that supposedly grown men still do that.

  • kierah

    We are either going to dance or we’re not. I’m not going to wrestle you to the beat!

    I’d rather dance by myself than be pressed up against your wool sweater tangled up with Drakkar Noir and funk in this humid club.

    Thanks for the reminders as to why I stopped going to clubs.

  • C’mon son

    I only really go out dancing for special occasions like bachelorette parties precisely for these reasons. I don’t do that grabbing mess; and from a complete stranger, no less? Sorry, Ike, I didn’t come here for you. Some men out at clubs these days walk around way too aggressive and entitled. Watch out.

  • xxdiscoxxheaven

    Yesss girl! Preach! I had all these things happen in ONE night. Scary!

  • Candacey Doris

    Agree. Especially about having a leash ready when they hand you a drink. It’s $8, not $80! And some actually get offended when you say no to the drink too. Even when you point out you already have one. We can talk without you trying to lock me down for the night.