‘I Didn’t Want To Go To Rehab’: Mary J. Blige Opens Up About The Dark Moments In Her Life

January 8, 2013  |  

Source: WENN

One reason that many people will always love Mary J. Blige is for the level of realness that she never ceases to exude. Since What’s The 411, the singer has not only won us over for her amazing vocal abilities, but for her authenticity, her openness and her honesty. We love the fact that she doesn’t just freely discuss the good things, but also the bad things, the hurtful things, the things that may actually help someone else. In a recent interview with Kevin Sessums of Los Angeles Confidential, the Queen of Hip Hop Soul opened up about some of the challenging moments in her life and offers inspiration to us all as she recalls how she made it through. Check out some of the interview’s highlights.

On how Whitney Houston’s death impacted her personal alcohol consumption: 

“What I did was I chose to learn how to drink socially and it didn’t work. The test comes when you have to decide whether you’re drinking to be social or drinking to cover up something again. To cover up depression. To cover up guilt. Shame. Abandonment. All of that, man. Once I realized, “There you go again,” I had to stop. Whitney Houston’s death really affected me. Her death is another reason I stopped. I really do think I’m done. I looked at how that woman could not perform anymore.”

On being molested as a child:

“I was 5. Mmmm … yes. I was 5. I don’t want to go into the details. It’s something that hurt me really bad. I’m still the same way. When I open up to trust you, I trust you wholeheartedly. And then when you betray that trust, it closes me up.”

“The quiet. I always think about how quiet it all was. It was abnormally quiet. It was just quiet. And there are certain smells that… mmmm… well… someone was using this lotion on their hands an hour or so ago. I smelled this lotion and I had such a flashback about it all. It’s weird that we’d be talking about all this right now after me just having that flashback.”

On the dark moments in her life:

“That’s it. Life. You start from day one. And what we spoke about earlier—when I was 5 years old. That dark moment. That one dark moment. It only happened once, but after that there was so much else in my childhood that happened. So many dark moments—which all added up and that’s what sprung on the drug addiction, trying to numb it all with the drugs. The depression. The lack of love for myself. The lack of people loving you around you. The abandonment issues. Daddy not being there all the time. Mommy not knowing how to handle it all. Although she loves you, she abandons you at some point too. I’m not saying that to be down on my mom. She was just a cursed woman as well. There have been so many other dark moments that I can’t even talk about. I have given the world so much and even in the middle of all that stuff there has been so much Isht going on. It was all those tributaries that gave me such deep soul. But it is those same things that now have taught me how to be strong. In the past those were the same things that were killing me. But I made it out. I made it out.”

On believing in God throughout her addictions:

“I don’t know why. But I didn’t want to go to rehab. I believe that anything man himself can do for me, God can do for me in a greater way. I decided to pray and to seek God on my own. I just stayed in The Word. And it worked.”

“I loved God, but I didn’t love myself. When I would get really, really high and the daytime would come, I would feel like God was watching me. And that’s when I’d start to go into this panic thing. I remember one night I was soooooo high. And as I was trying to go to sleep there was this dream… mmmmm…. Gosh, man, I don’t know if I should be telling you all of this. But let me put it this way. I believe in God so much that I would not let the enemy win my soul. You know what I’m sayin’? God loves me no matter what.”


Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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