Making A Good Man Even Better: Is Your Man Due For An Upgrade?

7 comments
January 10, 2013 ‐ By Erica Renee

black-couple

A good man is sometimes hard to find; but what’s even harder is trying to find one who has all of the qualifications you want in a mate. He could be financially stable, enjoyable to be around, and treat you better than you thought you could be treated. However, in spite of his goodness, he may be lacking in one or two other areas. So does that mean let him go or just deal with his shortcomings that seem to irritate you more and more each day? Well, depending on the situation and the person, it could be neither…instead he may be eligible for an upgrade.

Just like a phone provider (think SPRINT, AT&T, etc.), upgrading doesn’t mean you’re leaving the service, or in this case, the man; it just means that you’re getting something better. And as it relates to the man you may want to upgrade, it simply means that overall you are happy with the him but just see opportunities where he could be better.

There is a big difference in wanting to upgrade someone than just downright trying to change them. An upgrade usually deals with those little things that don’t change the core of the person. For instance, if you are physically attracted to your man but can barely tolerate the way he dresses then he may be upgradeable. You can suggest clothes for him, tag along when he goes shopping, or buy him things on those special occasions that you would like to see him wear.

Or if your man hasn’t been exposed to as much as you have throughout his life and isn’t as culturally and socially diverse (Example:  he thinks he has to buy a black tie for a “Black Tie Event’), he can still be workable if you love everything else about him. His lack of diversity is something that you can expose him to, if he’s willing to be exposed. If he is, then he is upgradeable; if not, then you can either learn to deal with his little quirks, or run for the hills. However, you can’t force a man to change.

See, upgrading is about helping make a great man even better. You like him, but see areas where he could be better for you and himself. The most important things to consider when trying to upgrade your man or potential boo is to subtly find out if he is open to change. You can usually tell if someone is resistant to something by the way they respond. And if he’s resistant, don’t push the issue or you will probably push him away.

For instance, if you want your man to dress a tad bit more dapper and you suggest a few clothing options, if he’s open, he will at least try on the clothes or allow you to go shopping with or for him. If he’s not, he will probably say he’s fine with the way he dresses and doesn’t want to get into the latest fashion trends. If he says it seriously, take him seriously.

In addition, you have to ask yourself if you are trying to alter the person to fit your perfect guy, and this just won’t happen simply because no one is perfect and everyone is subject to some shortcomings. If you’re looking to make a man perfect for you, you are wasting your time and his.

Finally and most importantly, remember that morals, opinions, and values are not upgradeable. You cannot ‘upgrade’ someone’s religion, the fact that they absolutely don’t like something and it’s been that way since birth, and ultimately the things that make them who they are. If you find yourself trying to change someone’s total character, it’s definitely not an upgrade. Instead, you’re trying to change a person, in which you probably need to find someone more in line with what you want.

Everyone, including you, is eligible for an upgrade. Just make sure it’s for the right reason.

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  • Kaori

    Why date someone who you have to ‘fix’?

  • Ann

    I don’t see nothing wrong with making suggestion to “upgrade” your man. For instance buying him nice shirt as long as you don’t over do it and the man is under the impression that you are trying to change him, I don’t see any problem. For some guys, you can’t just do a major make over if he is not ready for it. You try to do a little bit at the time. Like the article says some guys may not have a problem with it, while you have some guys that won’t accept it and they think you are trying to change him. Women need to remember that you cannot change a person.

  • Coco black

    My ex got more on my nerves every day…there was no upgrading or downgrading! As another commentator has said there are some things that are just unchangeable! You can’t upgrade someone is essentially ignorant. I dont have the patience for nonsense…no upgrading or downgrading…I’m gone!

  • GeekMommaRants

    The only one who can upgrade someone is you. No one can upgrade you, this is a personal decision of those who want to be better and not just good. There are three classes of right. Good Better and Best. All of these are individual choices and not something to be forced.

  • IllyPhilly

    This sounds a bit like somebody poking the bear.

  • Nope

    “Finally and most importantly, remember that morals, opinions, and values are not upgradeable. You cannot ‘upgrade’ someone’s religion, the fact that they absolutely don’t like something and it’s been that way since birth, and ultimately the things that make them who they are. If you find yourself trying to change someone’s total character, it’s definitely not an upgrade. Instead, you’re trying to change a person, in which you probably need to find someone more in line with what you want.

    Everyone, including you, is eligible for an upgrade. Just make sure it’s for the right reason.”

    ^^^^ All of this espeicailly. A very mature and nice article. Good work.

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