I was always the girl who criticized other women for putting up with a bunch of bs. I walked around declaring what I would do, what I would not do and how quickly I would dump someone who even thought about disrespecting me or causing me pain. But then…I met someone who put me to the test. He completely changed my perception of love and what you will tolerate when you truly care about someone.

When we first started talking, I had no clue that he was one of those. The “playa” type. He was nice and respectful, a perfect gentleman—the complete opposite of the guys I’m used to seeing and encountering from my neighborhood. So I thought he was different. It wasn’t until I caught feelings that I discovered that he was a heaux just like most other men his age. When I first found out how he really was, I stopped talking to him for a few days, telling myself that I was not the one. I would not put with his whorish ways, infidelity and lies, but eventually, I found myself right back in his arms. Choosing to accept his false truths that he wasn’t really like that and all the other girls I found out about were just “friends;” all females he’d known before me that he still talked to, flirted with a little, but had no sexual contact with since we’d gotten together. As time progressed, I became more and more aware of the fact that he was not as loyal as he wanted me to believe. The tell tale signs came from countless conversations we had where he unknowingly unveiled truths or mentioned details that set off alarms. Then it was his nonstop ringing phone that he never answered unless it was a male friend or family member, and let’s just say that most of the times, he didn’t pick up.

And when we bumped into one of his ex-girlfriends one evening, the shade she threw my way (and the way he reacted to it) let me know that something was still going on between them. After a few interrogations, he admitted that he’d slept with her since we’d been together, but I forgave him. I stayed with him for a few months longer until I’d had enough. He showed me his true colors one too many times until he committed a crime that I could not overlook.

Now as I sit back and reminisce on our relationship, I realize that I turned into that same dumb girl that I said I would never be. And I learned that if a man wants to cheat, regardless of how good you are to him or how much of yourself you give, he’s going to do just that. He can love you with all of his might, but if he hasn’t found it within himself to give you the commitment you want, it’s up to you to deal with it or walk away because he’s going to hold on while continuing to do him. There’s no changing him until he’s ready.

It also became even more clear to me that there are a whole lot of females out here giving it up for free, with no strings attached, and most men are taking it (I had known this before, but I got an even bigger dose of this truth when I linked up with him). The more I think about our relationship, the more I know that he was sent to me to teach me a lesson: you never know what you will do when it comes to love. And you should never pass harsh judgment on other people’s decisions when it comes to their relationships because you never truly know how you would handle that same situation until you’re in their shoes. But it also made me stronger. Wiser. It taught me to watch out for the signs early on and to remove myself form a bad situation before things get too deep.