How Do I Begin To Trust The Man Who Cheated On Me Again?

8 comments
January 4, 2013 ‐ By madamenoire
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

From Essence

Q: For about a year now, I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy I met through friends. We lived in different states and were fully aware of each other’s intentions early on. We hit it off pretty fast, and before we knew it, we were in a full-blown relationship. We discussed the dynamics of our relationship, because I had never been in a long distance relationship before. We fell in love and wanted to see where love would takes us, so we agreed to be mutually exclusive.

A short while ago, I learned that my guy had relations with a woman who lives closer to him. I was very hurt because I am completely committed to him and our relationship. He tells me he cut it off with her because he never intended for things to end up that way and he couldn’t fathom being without me.  He explained that he made a selfish choice and got caught up in it and that he never intended for it to get this far. I have been in a similar situation in the past, so I understood where he was coming from and I’ve decided to forgive him. I know he loves me. I believe people make bad choices and learn from them. I’m not one to believe that once someone is a cheater, they’re always a cheater.

Now, we want to put things back together and rebuild what we once had. I just can’t figure where to start. I love this man and I want to trust him they way I once did before. Where do I start, Dr. Sherry?

See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.

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  • Cinnamon71

    If I find out about any cheating, it’s over, period. I don’t care where we are at in the relationship, it’s over. The trust and respect will be gone. Life is too short to be worrying about what you’re doing and who you’re with after the fact. I value my health and sanity much more than taking a chance that a cheater will change.

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Long distance relationships without a timeline for closing the distance is an exercise in futility. After a year of dating if you two have not reached the threshold of someone relocating then you are better to end things. If he told you about one fling you can go ahead and multiple that times 3. He’s still cheating and will continue to do so and in between chasing Miss New Booty he intends on keeping fer on the hook to boost his self esteem. She outta dump his azz and find someone closer.

  • Reese

    Once a cheater always a cheater, I’m convinced. I’d rather be safe than sorry and cut my loses and move on. Trust is scared and easily broken. I don’t care how hard someone works to regain your trust, that aspect of your relationship will always be tarnished.

  • Just Peachy!

    The tilte and story do not coincide. If there were 2 separate incidents of infidelity in less than a year’s time you need to cut your losses, especially since there is already a distance situation. Relationships are hard work without added stress.

  • Just Peachy!

    Not sure if we all comprehended the same story. What I got out of it was that she was in a similar situation before ( not necessarily with this same guy) and that was the reason she forgave him. I did not see where it stated he cheated twice.

    She should now know that the trust is broken and will have to be built back up and that it will take time. No magic formula as to how long- you just simply will know when you are in a better place. If he is sincere in making things right his actions will prove it. All one has to do is pay attention and not become a insecure, jealous person because of it.

  • ieshapatterson

    I believe in 2nd chances,however if they cheat then after that,then it’s time to kick them to the curb.

  • TRUTH IS

    It’s a habit…he doesnt value you. Keep it moving!!

  • GalaxyEmpress

    Uhmmmm….. He cheated a second time and you want advice on how to trust him again??? Seriously??? No!! This is the part where you leave, either that or stop complaining when he cheats.