We Know It’s Hard, But Don’t Go There: Things You Have To Force Yourself Not To Do After A Breakup

January 4, 2013  |  
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Think you’re weaker after a breakup than anybody else? Think again. A breakup is like any sickness: all the same symptoms come along, no matter who you are. Trust me, everybody has to fight every fiber in their body to not do these things when heartbroken.

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Emotionally eat

You don’t have anyone to be naked in front of now, right? And there is nothing else to do because you’re staying away from the bar scene for a few weeks, right? No! Put the spoon down! The physical and mental pain that will come from seeing your bloated face the next morning will far outweigh the fleeting comfort you get from eating all that ice cream/candy/pasta or whatever your vice is. A few moments of taste bud bliss is not worth weeks at the gym.

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Hole up

You are convinced that running into anybody from the male species will just depress you and make you miss your ex even more. You’re certain that your conversational skills have all gone to hell right now. You see no point in going out. But actually the truth is, put one human being in front of another and they can’t help but converse and socialize. It’s just the way we’re built. And that means a distraction. Plus, while you don’t need to date yet, simply seeing the hoards and hoards of men out there will remind you this is not the end for you as far as love goes. So get out of your house!

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Rebound

If you think of your love as sand in an hourglass, your time is up right now. You have no more grains to give at the moment. If you date someone else, you’ll only be feigning real affection and feelings. You haven’t built up the stability and confidence yet to truly love again. And you can feel it in your gut when you’re faking love. And it feels bad.

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Examine his Facebook every day

It’s depressing to have someone just cut out of your life one day—no sign of their existence remaining. But, research has actually found that we feel the people we see on Facebook are actually in our lives. And you need to kick that notion. If you still feel your ex is in your life, you won’t get over him.

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Look up any girl who writes on his wall

This is a lose-lose activity. You want to discover he’s seeing someone else already. You’ll interpret every post from another girl as flirtatious. You’ll convince yourself something is going on. And you’ll do this because, that is your greatest fear. So, even when you convince yourself that you are “right” and he is dating someone else, being right doesn’t feel so good.

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Kick yourself for your mistakes

If you look at successful couples one dynamic is pretty evident: they all mess up, but each person understands where the other is coming from, so no mess up is ever big enough to break them. Stop kicking yourself for that thing you did or said that one time. If this guy really got you, and was meant for you, that one thing wouldn’t have made a dent in your relationship.

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Seek to blame someone

The truth is you chose to be with the person you were with. Maybe he was a jerk. Maybe he was non-committal. Maybe he wouldn’t give you what you wanted. But, you were the one who was unsatisfied and yet you were the one who stayed for as long as you did. Of course he stayed if he was getting everything out of it he wanted! You can’t exactly fault him for that. You’ll find happiness much sooner in life if you stop looking at men as “flawed” or “going through a phase” or “jerks” and instead, just seeing them as the wrong person for you. Rather than someone to be fixed or changed, they’re just someone to walk away from.

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Tell everyone about it

You don’t think your friends have ever been heartbroken? Or perhaps, you don’t think they’ve ever felt as much pain as you have? Of course they have! But going on and on about your breakup makes it seem like you think yours is “special” or “different.” It’s not. You deserve just as much venting time as any of your friends do—and have—after a breakup. If you go overboard, you may lose friends as well as your boyfriend!

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Go through the memorabilia

This has the same effect on your mind as looking at your ex’s Facebook: interacting with, seeing or touching things that you and your ex interacted with, saw or touched together makes you subconsciously believe your ex is still in your life. Just rip off the band-aid, and get rid of the stuff!

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Try to make him jealous

All this will get you is feeling silly when you realize your ex doesn’t care, didn’t notice, and now you have some other guy calling and texting you because you made out with him. In public.

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Try to get even

Don’t try to get in shape, become successful, or reach your goals to show your ex what he is missing. Because in the end, he probably won’t care. And if he does, he only will for a moment. If you did something only to gain the attention of your ex, and then he doesn’t notice, you won’t even be able to enjoy the fruits of your success. Be it weight loss or earning a medal—it will be tainted because you did it all for your ex.

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Seek attention wherever you can get it

There’s probably a friend or co-worker who has been blatantly pining after you for a while. What better person to turn to when you are in serious need of an ego boost and feeling loved, right? Wrong! Their compliments will only feel good for a moment, but they will also feel dirty because you know you’re using that person.

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Celebrate his failures

It might feel good to gloat for a moment when you find out something embarrassing happened to your ex, or he didn’t get the job he wanted, or someone keyed his car. But then you quickly realize that he doesn’t know you’re out there gloating. If he did, he wouldn’t care. And he doesn’t miss you any more or want you back as a result of this bad thing happening to him. Nothing has changed. You’ve just acted immature.

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Drink away your sorrows

Alcohol is a depressant. Do not be one of the millions of people who believe that for some reason their body won’t behave exactly the way every other person’s does. You’ll feel exhausted, and then directly after depressed. You may experience a short high, before you’re bawling your eyes out in the bar bathroom.

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  • iHeartMarijuana

    I disagree with most of this. It’s nobody’s place to tell a woman how to grieve, and that’s exactly what you do when a relationship ends. You grieve the loss of the love you had. A lot of this is normal – some people eat, some people whine to their friends for months, some people try to think of all the bad things about him. Thinking of all his faults isn’t immature. It’s immature of the author to say that. Remembering why he isn’t perfect is exactly what you should do when trying to get over someone. Everyone needs to go at their own rate. It’s good to get advice, but this isn’t good advice. And actually, sometimes people do end up getting back together and some people’s situations ARE different. You can’t compare the hurt of a deep thinking girl who is letting go of a decade long relationship with the hurt of a dumb as a bag of nails girl who is getting over her one year relationship. So no, some people are “special” as you say.

  • Jud Jud

    It is hard to get over someone. But once you do, you can be able to open up again. You are still at risk of getting hurt again of course, but you can also find something real too. The experience will also make you a stronger and smarter woman 🙂

  • Mz_M

    Im definitely guilty of a lot of this right now. It’s tough but I’m definitely pulling myself out of it. Only time heals wounds.

  • Cat88L3

    Do I really need to click through 15 pages? Can you at least put 3-4 items on a page? I’m tired…

  • L-Boogie

    Interesting. This explains so much.

  • Me

    Can i be honest? Some of this stuff is normal. While going on and on about an ex’s failure isnt ok sometimes its funny and makes you feel a lil. Bit better, just laughing at it. I died laughing when my rich wanna be thug ex got arrested for possesion.lol i wish him the best…. But it was funny.