You Gotta Face The Music: The 15 Stages Of Falling Out Of Love

December 31, 2012  |  
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Shutterstock

Are you being too picky? Is this simply a transitional phase in your relationship? Are you PMSing? These are all perfectly normal questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling less-than-great about your relationship. Nobody wants to fall out of love. We fear it so much, that we’ll make an excuse for every single broken thing in our relationship (even when literally every single part of that relationship is broken) to keep up the facade that things are fine. But sometimes you just can’t deny that you have or are falling out of love. And the sooner you face it, the sooner you can move on and fall back in love with somebody new!

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Shutterstock

You feel it in your bones

Usually, before your or your partner’s behavior even changes, or before you can form a negative thought about your relationship, your body begins to ache a little around your partner, or at the thought of him. Your body often knows before you do when somebody is no good for you.

"Couple talking - PF"

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Hearing about him feels like a chore

Hearing about his day, his problems, his concerns, his victories and his lunch feels like listening to nails on a chalkboard. Your stomach tenses up every second that he just won’t stop talking.

black female sad at work pf

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Telling him about you feels like a chore

You used to tell him about your day because it made you two feel closer. But, you don’t want to feel closer anymore. You don’t want to let him in. So talking about yourself feels like going through the motions.

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Shutterstock

His opinions/advice irritate you

You used to gobble up his advice and opinions. Now, they make your hairs stand on edge. You immediately feel he is criticizing you instead of trying to help you.

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Shutterstock

 

You often think about what else you could be doing

At any given moment you’re with your guy—even when you’re on a great vacation—you’re thinking of what else you could be doing then. Any time spent with your man feels like time stolen from you.

sad woman

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You get anxiety before seeing him

Since you either consciously or subconsciously know things are on the decline, it feels uncomfortable to be around your man because you have to, to some extent, pretend that you don’t know what you know. You have to pretend everything is status quo, until you further understand things. And the prospect of doing that causes you anxiety.

"dirty dishes pf"

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His quirks become flaws

What was once cute now makes you want to pull your hair out. What you once teased him about, you now scold him for. The little messes you used to clean up for him, you now douse in gasoline and put a match to.

"Woman embarrassed and thinking pf"

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When he begins to speak, what you feel is not good

You might feel immediately on the defense, ready for a fight, like you’re about to get into trouble, or you just feel like you’re waiting for him to be done talking. Either way, you cringe a little when his mouth opens.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Indifference

What used to anger you doesn’t even stir up a feeling in you anymore. You don’t care enough to even argue. Hatred isn’t good, but it’s better than indifference because hatred can only exist where love still does. Once you feel nothing about the fact your relationship isn’t that great, you really are out of love.

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Shutterstock

You feel nauseous during sex

If you’re having sex at all, you’re not in the moment whatsoever. You’re aware of his awkward breathing, that his body feels too heavy on yours, and that his face looks terrifying that close up.

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Shutterstock

You compare every guy to your boyfriend

The mailman sure does say “hello” in a cheerier voice than your boyfriend does. The waiter has a much better sense of humor than your boyfriend. Your boss is so much more patient than your boyfriend. Every guy is an opportunity to criticize your boyfriend.

iStock

iStock

You fantasize about other guys

It’s normal to notice when others are attractive, but when you begin indulging in regular and extended fantasies about being with other men, your man does not titillate you anymore.

"black-woman-dancing.pf"

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You feel like you’ve been freed when you’re alone

The moment you get away from your guy, you feel that a weight has been lifted. You feel like you’ve been released from prison. You can breathe easier. You’re less tense.

"Two women having a conversation pf"

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You don’t want to talk to your friends about your relationship

You have nothing good to say, and they know you too well to believe the stories you’re making up about things being good, so you’d just rather not talk about your relationship at all.

"Girlfriends talking pf"

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Your relationship is all you want to talk about

And finally, when you know in your heart of hearts it is over, you just want to hear it from everybody else. You seek affirmation that yes—the relationship is no good, from everyone. You want to blab about your fights to any ear that will listen, and you really want them to tell you your relationship should end.

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  • Kerry

    i’m a gay man, and let me tell you, before I decided to completely give up on seeking a black man with redeeming moral virtue …Had I actually found one of decent variety .i’d not be abandoning my dude because it “SEEMED” I was falling out of love..

    I’d fall out of love with my momma and brother and friends and others, but i still came to my senses after a lil space…

    Anything to publish an article.

    PS: Secretly when your hetorsexual black relationships fail..i dip myself an ice cream cone. You bastids have every social advantage and network, yet still can’t make it work. Me and my dude have to meet in the parking lot of a Chik Fil A just to feel weird holding hands.

  • hollyw

    Is it just me, or are clicking on the page links leading to automatic pop-ups..? If so, that’d be truly disappointing. We’re bombarded w/ more than enough invasive ads as it is to keep supporting the site, but not being able to read your content w/o having to battle an aggressive “Moms Work From Home!” page is over-the-top even for my tastes…esp. after that ‘these multi-page articles pay our bills’ faux pas last week. *sigh* Madame Noire, what are we gonna do…

  • bluekissess

    This seems like a repeat topic. It seems like I’ve seen this before. Smh. I’ve decided to come on this website less. Disappointment every single time