Lesson Learned The Hard Way: 10 Things I Will Never Do Again In The Name of Love

January 2, 2013 ‐ By


couple at computer pf


As 2012 came to a close, I had much time to sit and reflect on various trials, triumphs and lessons that I’ve learned up until this point in my adult life. One area in which I am constantly learning is my love life. It’s been a long time coming since love and relationships were equated with crumpled up slips of paper that read : Will you go out with me? Circle yes or no. These days things are way more complicated, but all in all, I am pretty grateful for the lessons that I have learned and am still learning along the way. Among the lessons I’ve learned are things that I will never do again for the sake of being in a relationship. Check out some of my love faux pas. You just might recognize some of these from your own life as well.



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Beef with other women

I was never really an extremely confrontational person, but there were points in a couple of my relationships where I felt justified in “checking” other women over my man. As I continue to grow and mature, I realize that certain things are really unnecessary and fighting with other women over a man is one of them. If you have to fight over him, then he isn’t really yours.

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  • Yso Sirius

    and exactly how would u know when u meet that ONE person that GOD created just for you? give me a break. how about just dont screw EVERY person u date? i think that is more realistic and a lot less naive.

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  • erin

    I think its WONDERFUL that she has boldly declared what she will no longer put up with when it comes to love. I can’t say I share the same sentiment regarding sex. Oftentimes I go onto black websites and hear woman boldly state that have opted for celibacy until marriage. That they will no longer “give it up” to men who aren’t their husband. While I applaud any womans decision to take a new stance on what she does with her body, I myself was a late bloomer I can’t help but think what does that solve? In theory it would weed out all the men who are just in it for the sex but I wonder maybe it isn’t about premarital sex, maybe its about the partners we are choosing, maybe its about what we are hoping to accomplish by having sex-gaining love, attention, power. I believe alot of women are wanting to settle down, get married and start families but they are involved with emotionally unavailable men, abusive men, commitment phobic men who string them along because they are too scared/confused to let go. That’s how you end up in 6 year on/off again relationships maybe the culprit isn’t the sex its in the weak foundation of the relationship. I suppose I say all of this because I am incredibly discriminating about my sexual partners and I waited for a very long time but I can’t help but find it sexist that a woman comes in front of her church family to accept a ring saying she will wait until marriage but u almost never see a man do that. In fact I have NEVER heard of or seen a man doing that. Doesn’t that continue to perpetuate an ideology that a womans value is in her body while men can continue to have sex with wild abandon? That her body is something she GIVES her husband, like GIVING someone your virginity. Are our bodies really something to be coveted and governed by men? I’m at a point in my life where I don’t believe I necessarily want to get married but NOT getting married doesn’t mean I’m in an on/off again relationship where I’m being played for a fool either. My goal is a loving, committed, HEALTHY relationship with a man that may or may not involve a wedding band.

    • Miss K

      While I agree with most of what you’ve said, I believe some men also wear purity rings…or at least they used to (example: Malcolm-Jamal Warner aka Theo Huxtable from the Cosby Show). Sex is not about “giving” so much as “sharing” your body with another. At least that’s the way is should be.

    • Yso Sirius

      well said and very realistic point of view.


    I will not be the girlfriend doing/giving wifely duties/priviledges!!!

  • L-Boogie

    Always follow your gut. That is sad.

  • Kaori

    As I said before – Women need to not give so much of themselves to men.

    • psylocke_2001

      Exactly! Women need to pull back some and look at the situation as reasonably as possible. It’s so important to protect one’s self physically, as well as emotionally.

  • Stanley Dada

    Life is not that black and white. The best rule is a simple common sense.