How Your Weight Affects Your Dating Life

December 20, 2012  |  
Credit: Shutterstock

From YourTango

Would you love to attract the man of your dreams? Does your weight keep getting in the way? When you’re being honest with yourself, are you happy? If not, is your weight a big part of the reason why? Or, are you already dating a great guy, but you know it could be so much better if you could feel fantastic about your own body?

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to park your “body car” by the curb and leave it there during your date … or at any time, for that matter. What is your “body car?” It’s your vehicle here on this Earth — your body, and you need it with you all the time.


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  • Eggy

    Speaking as a woman who has been on both sides (I have lost 65 pounds over the past year and a half) as a plus size and now average body size (I would never consider myself skinny), I can honestly say NOTHING tastes as good as a skinny feels. I am one of those women cursed with “pretty face syndrome” as in people complimenting you by saying “you have such a pretty face….” thus implying that my body was a wreck. I never had a lack of a dating life when I was heavy. I did quite well numbers wise…but the quality of men I dated and the seriousness with which they dated me, is drastically different with this weight loss. DRASTICALLY. A man likes a woman who he can show off to his friends and family. And at >200 pounds, I was simply not that woman. The sad part is that I had no idea how poorly I was treated by people until I lost the weight. I do perceive that I am treated more “delicately”…if that makes sense. When I was heavier, I was definitely treated more like a dude or a bruh…even though I am the definition of feminine. I’m not saying that losing weight fixed all my problems or that losers only date big women. All I’m saying is that it’s definitely an improvement now and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. As far as my health is concerned, sure I’m healthier….but I’ve always been healthy. Bloodwork, blood pressure, all of that was good, but that’s because I was in my twenties and could compensate. I don’t think I could be carrying the extra weight that i was into my 40’s and 50’s and expect to be healthy.

    • Tamz

      Losing weight is not easy, so kudos to you!!! I lost 205 over 3 years and thankfully, I’ve been able to keep it off. I’m not skinny either but thankfully I’m tall.

    • TTGG

      Congrats on the weight loss and enjoying your new skin! I’m in my late thirties and I need to get serious about it as well. Please share how you lost the weight…

  • Nope

    If you want to be fat, fine whatever. Good for you. Just don’t use that as your excuse as to why some men aren’t attracted to you. If it’s your choice to be fat, then it’s he’s choice to not be attracted to you. And not everyone is going to be attracted to you anyway regardless of how you look.

  • Tamz

    I love me. No insecurities here and my fiance loves it too!! I’m healthy and very happy, and I am plus sized. When it’s all said and done, if you’re confident with the skin you’re in, no one can tell you anything.

  • for real now?

    OK.. I’m going to make one more comment and then I will leave this alone. I think some of the people who are fat bashing on this site are probably not that attractive. Sorry, I just have to say it. Picking on someone’s weight to make yourself feel better is so easy to do because weight is so easy to see. And making fun of someone’s weight seems to be acceptable in this society so its an easy way for people to feel they are a better catch in relation to someone else. But hello… beauty comes in many sizes. I have seen some stunning plus size women. Some bloggers like

    The style climber

    Gabi Fresh

    Jay Miranda

    The list goes on. A pretty face is harder to manufacture than a tone body and I think that makes some homely face women upset, and they know it.

    At the end of the day stop hating and look within yourself to find something internally to love.

    The Bible says beauty fades and charm is deceptive but a woman who fears the Lord is to be honored.

    • lol

      keep dreaming sweetheart, women are not the ones who reject fatties,that’s men.
      but i love how you call someone ugly and then quote a Bible verse, roaaaaaaar!

      • for real now?

        Mmm… I was simply stating in my opinion why some women enjoy picking on women who are bigger than them. At the end of the day this is a free country so you have a right to your opinion. It will not affect a woman who has a high self esteem and a full life. You have a right to say someone is fat and I have a right to say someone is ugly.

        At the end of the day a man will be attracted to who he is attracted to. And,unless you know every man on the planet and what they are attracted to, you cannot speak for all men .
        Oh and there is a lot of truth in that Bible verse by the way. I may not be perfect but the Bible is.

  • Out of the box

    What is with this site and it’s issues against fat women? I have been skinny and I have been fat, and it didn’t make a huge difference in my dating life. I dated jerks when I was skinny and I dated jerks whiel fat. I think it’s just me and the choices I make. I think most men do not care about size, but I admit that there are some who are shallow and keep the skinny girls around for show (not preference).

    • Nope

      What, there need to be a Fat People’s Rights Movement now??

      ” I think most men do not care about size”


    • See I was with you until that last line that someone “keep the skinny girls around for show (not preference)” Just like someone can ‘prefer’ a larger woman they for damn sure can ‘prefer’ a thin woman.

    • Drew Smith

      You should stop weighing in on what men care about; you’re clueless.

  • Candacey Doris

    My weight isn’t a problem. I’m changing my eating habits and losing weight, but i get all the attention i never wanted. Maybe it’s because i’m not looking.

  • Speaking as woman who is plus size I believe it is choice that plays a role in your dating life. I have had plenty men find me attractive and such with the weight I have. Also I feel that plus size women do have a slight advantage in the dating would because men are forced to look at the insides and that is where the real gold and diamonds are located. If you are attractive facially or even ugly as a foot and have extra junk in your trunk lol, men I feel are going to look more closely at your personality and other things that make you who you are. To also add on to this in my personal experience I find that men ages 29+ are more attracted to bigger women than their 20 something counter parts. i may be bias in my opinion but it simply how I feel lol

  • phat504

    See i wasnt gonna comment on this article but after reading the majority of the stupid comments posted i figured hey i’ll give it a shot now lets be real all the fat bashing needs to stop…. ppl are responsible for their own bodies and minds… if a man woman or whomever is content with being obese fat a little thick or whatever then thats between that person ,their doctor, and their mate… if it doesnt effect u personally than its really none of your business and last time i checked there were PLENTY of physically appealing women who cant keep a man to save their lives but yet there are also PLENTY of “fat” women who are married to men who love them and appreciate them unconditionally…. so before u start fat bashing take a look in the mirror and love ur lonely slim selves b/c with the awful comments i’ve read you’ll be lucky to find someone else who will and this was spoken by a FAT WOMAN who loves her fat arse and with that being said let the ignorant comments start rolling in

  • Kaori

    There is no ‘man of my dreams’. But lucky for me, I don’t have a weight issue.

  • Machelle Kwan

    At the end of the day, you have to work with God gave you. Just be as healthy as you can be and learn to love yourself. Not everyone is meant to be thin. Some women are going to be bigger and that’s just the way it is. Nobody’s perfect. People need to learn to see the SOUL.and the Heart. That’s what counts. There are some people with great looks but the insides are ugly. People need to be themselves and if that’s not good enough for someone, you don’t need them in your life.

    • jilliebeann

      Well said!!!

    • featherimiss

      Spoken like a Fat Women. And the black women on here are always complaining when a brother marry a skinny women of another race. Yes being fat limits your dating pool.

      And no you are not happy when you are fat and unhealthy. Wake up Black women…let’s start taking better care of ourselves.

      And stop with Black men want a thick woman…Then why aren’t they lining up to marry us, date us. Have you been in a night club, restaurant, social setting, etc. Have you noticed all of the woman sitting together at the table. It’s not because there is a shortage of men (even good men). It’s because the nature of mating is finding someone attractive and healthy for procreating.

      When we start valuing ourselves by eating and exercising…it will heal our bodies, our minds and then our relationships We have a high ration of obesity and this is not honoring our God or anyone else. So yes love yourself by starting by taking care of yourself. And there are on 2 things that a human control…their mind and what they put in their mouth.

      • Miss Anonymous

        Welp being skinny and married aint making my ex homegirl any happier then the fat women I know that are married. She currently gotta worry about her husband cheating. I know so many so called fat women happy with a husband while skinny and average women are waiting for a man to marry them.

        and fyi all the black men that I know who date outside their race date a fat white woman who takes care of them while they stay at home, how I know? They are my cousins who love to say “dang black women soo fat but my (350lb) white gal is thiick!!!”

        • Nope

          Lets clarify, broke Black men marry fat White women….

      • for real now?

        Oh Lord. Why are you so angry…. because you sound like it. And who is saying black men want a thick woman? I don’t know every black man on this planet and you do not know every black woman so what you are saying is just silly.

        I agree with you about we need to eat right and excercise but there is one important component to obesity that is not talked about. Obesity is largely a socioeconomic issue and we black people come up short on the socioeconomic scale because of a long history of institutionalized racism. The fact that there is a higher rate of obesity among us black people is a symptomatic of where we fall on the socioeconomic scale as a group in this racist counrty. When the country catches a cold, we black people get the flu.
        Ughhhh. Why am I even bothering. Some people internalize negative messages very easily and miss the larger social justice issue. Keep letting the dominant media make you believe most black women are lazy and don’t know how to put the fork down… you just end up oppressing your own self.

  • nooooo not sistas. they cant possibly be unhappy with being overweight. With all the thick, healthy, big boned, “watch out for da big girls” etc etc blah blah you cant possibly mean that there are overweight black women that are unhappy with their size. I mean common sense does say if you are unhappy with your size you then properly diet and exercise…..right? Oh wait…i forgot there are issues with the thyroid that can cause a womans weight to jump…. But doctors said that even with thyroid issues proper diet and exercise can keep that under control. Nahhhh docotors arent right and wives tales are…..

    • Don’t you brothas like thickness? That’s the word on the street anyways. I’m a thin petite woman and exactly 3 times in my life I’ve heard men say some variation of: “you got a beautiful face you just need to be thicker” and no I don’t look like some starving Ethiopian and I have a healthy BMI. Talk to your brethren y’all lovin some big girls, everywhere I turn some dude is hugged up with her big azz so there’s more to the story than big black women just having an inflated sense of attractiveness and acceptance for their biggness somebody is gassing them up.

      • ……

        Thick is NOT fat.. men are interested in hip to waist ration…not rolls and cellulite..big difference

        • ……


        • Kaori

          The key word there is ‘interested’, because who men can actually date based on their own attractiveness to a woman is a different story.

        • Miss Anonymous

          yeah but telling a girl who is 5’5″ that she need to be 200lbs and she will be a good weight, is no bueno.

        • Like I said above, I see a lot of BIG women and their happy boyfriends/husbands lovin their big azz so . . . . what you consider thick someone else might consider fat. Truth is all that “thickness” USUALLY means she is overweight whether she’s proportioned with it or not.

          • Miss Anonymous

            Wait a minute, it does sometimes depend. My cousin is built like a runway model except for her booty. It just popped out after she had her first kid, it looks like she is wearing some booty pop panties on but its real.

            • I swore I said “usually” I did not say always.

      • Miss Anonymous

        YES!!!!!!!! I see soo many guys talking macking and everything else with big girls but they will push my average behind out the way to get to said girl.

        • Absolutely! Why lie though? Usually thick is overweight if you are going by BMI. And the statistics are a large number of black women are overweight.