Ask A Very Smart Brotha: I’m Engaged But I’ve Fallen In Love With Another Man

December 20, 2012  |  

Maggie: If you have a dream that your partner is cheating, does it mean he really is? Cuz imma cut his throat? Thanks

DY: Thanks for writing this. It explains why this woman I used to date would be staring at me while clutching a butter knife when we woke up in the morning. I thought she just wanted some waffles.


Rachel: After how much time dating should you discuss the future including Marriage and Babies with your significant other?

DY: 17.9% percent of the day? I don’t know, lol. What I do know though is that if you two are on the same page, you probably shouldn’t have to have that conversation all the time. If you find yourselves always bringing it up and disagreeing on certain aspects of it, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate things


Angel: Why do some men string women along dating, knowing their intentions are ill from the start (to drop her like a bad habit when its all said and done)? The dating doesn’t necessarily involve sexual contact either, in other cases it may.

DY: Because, 99.9% of the time, men who do this don’t actually know either. Many guys don’t enter new relationships with a “plan” other than “hmm. she’s cute.” And, when that happens—and, when they realize that she just aint the one for him—women get “dumped.”

It may seem intentional, like you were being strung along on purpose, but most times it’s really not.


Karmin: Is it ok to tell a man on the first date that you want to have like 5 babies with him?

DY: Sure. And by “sure” I mean “only if you get aroused by people taking out restraining orders on you”


Kat: When a woman has more drive than her man, is it wrong to hold him to higher standards, give him a timeline to set goals and get his act together and if not she moves on?…Is that too harsh?

DY: Not at all.


Leila: What are your thoughts about women being with older men 17 yrs older ?

DY: You like it, I love it.

That being said, it’s interesting how people’s opinions on the older man, younger woman thing depends on perspective. Basically, 30-something women attracted to and only interested in dating older men=cool. But, if a 30-something guy said that he was only interested in 21 and 22 year old women, he’s a lame.

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  • Nope

    “Many guys don’t enter new relationships with a “plan” other than “hmm. she’s cute.” And, when that happens—and, when they realize that she just aint the one for him—women get “dumped.”


  • I will not at any point in time pick up my man’s phone and go thru it, the only time I’ve ever touched it is when it rings and he asks me to hand it to him. For me going thru someone’s phone or them going thru mine is a deal breaker. If you have those kinds of insecurities or trust issues you need to deal with them before entering into a relationship. I have been cheated on and it always comes out no matter how they try to hide it when it happens I tell them I want them to think of all the things that I do for and to them that they enjoy that now another man will enjoy since they are too stupid to keep it in their pants.

  • Dcarter910

    Hey Ladies,
    Where is a good place to meet a quality woman. I am turned off to the thought of trying to meet one at Church though I do want her to be spiritual and I certainly dont want to meet her at a club.

    Not sure where all you good women are hiding?

    • BricCity

      They’re not hiding, an there’s no ‘place’, just be patient but also open to te possibility that she may be in the grocery store or gym, friend of a colleague, etc. or maybe even at a club! (I’ve gotten dragged a few times to the bars by friends, not my scene but I was there lol) Maybe try the opposite of what you’re use to! Like I said just be open and patient.. And a GOOD man I hope.

      – A Great Woman.

      • Dcarter910

        @cd0ee07156a0071b36221096ed327d0d:disqus Thanks for the advice. I think I am a good man, I try to be. Have been patient and I am not unrealistic…anyway I will take your advice to heart. Thank you for the sincere response.

  • Pivyque

    Volita- Why are you with your fiancee? There is a good question. Why are you sending pictures and writing letters to a guy that is not your family member or fiancee? There is another good question…Smh. Leave your fiancee before you cheat on him physically…as you are already doing it emotionally…


    LOL @ these questions and answers. I enjoyed reading!! Relationship are so freaking complicated!! WHY?!?

  • Rayjulian85

    I hate that “Why are you going through his phone?” nonsense. My question: Why the hell CAN’T I go through his phone. Unless there’s something to hide, my significant other can touch my phone all they want. Go through pics…idc. I’m not hiding anything. Also, sometimes people have issues with trust. I once dated a guy I noticed was distrusting (his last gf had done him dirty). Instead of making him feel like he was smothering me I let him check up on me until he finally realized there was no reason to. It didn’t bother me to be patient and I would’ve missed an opportunity to get to know a great human being.

    I would like to know why this person thinks its acceptable for her man to be texting other women but “kicking it” crosses a line….

    • TRUTH IS

      Absolutely. Go thru his phone, if you dont find anything questionable, hooray. If you do, somebody got some ‘splaining to do. Do NOT be naive!! His focus should be you and not other broads

    • Pivyque

      I guess. I don’t like anyone going through my stuff. Be it my phone or my panty drawer, I don’t like it. My husband can get on my phone if he’d like to, but to go through it looking for dirt? Unacceptable. If you don’t trust me, talk to me about what the issue is. Don’t go around going through my stuff.

      • Rayjulian85

        I understand. I’m bizarrely private – most of friends have NEVER seen the inside of my bedroom lol. I just think I knew I wasn’t the issue and that this is something I wanted to help him get over. Its actually a lesson I took away from “the Conversation”.

        • Pivyque

          As long as he talked to you about it and you decided to deal with it, I understand. I meant what I said in the sense of him not talking about the issue, just going through your stuff and being paranoid. Lol I don’t need that in my life. I’m glad you helped him through it tho. I have a friend with trust issues and he pushed away so many decent ladies. Even now, he is single with no intention of dating. It’s sad. I can tell him to give people a chance all day, but if he doesn’t want to listen…well…he won’t. If he had a lady like you to stick with him and help him through it, I believe he would be much better off!

          • Big Mike

            Your friend is a lot like me. Must be a Virgo, LOL. I never realized it until someone explained it to me, but people like your friend and myself have EXTREMELY high standards, and when we have been through a bad relationship, it gets worse. No woman is good enough, no woman is trustworthy. I know this about myself now, and I struggle with it all the time.

            Your friend just needs to get around ladies as often as possible. I know a couple that want to hang out after Christmas – we’ll see how it goes.

            • Pivyque

              Exactly! I try to tell him that but he always brings up work as though he doesn’t have time for any thing else but I know for a fact that he does lol We’ve been friends close to 10 years, and he expects the worst from females. He said the only reason that he trusts me is because I have “proven” myself and I can’t gain anything by being a friend. 0_o Lol Smh. Idk. I’m hoping that maybe he’ll realize that one of his single friends wants to be something more and they can start from there.

          • Rayjulian85

            I think I did it because I was just like your friend lol. I’d been in that place and I thought of all the decent guys I’d scared off by being so paranoid. I had to help myself get past it, but shooot it sure would’ve been nice to have someone holding my hand during the process. For the record, it’s definitely the exception not the rule. Some people are worth more effort.

    • Ms_Sunshine9898

      Because if you feel like you need to go through your man’s phone, then he ain’t the man you need to be with because clearly you have trust issues!

    • Candacey Doris

      But the thing is she doesn’t trust him if she feels the need to go through his phone. it’s not like she said “i came across some numbers when playing Words with friends” She said i went though his phone. As in “i was looking for stuff because i’m paranoid.” Not everyone is cool with letting others into their phone/computer either. My stuff is off limits.

  • Rayjulian85

    Yeah, Damon totally read that second question wrong lol

    • BricCity

      Happy you peeped that too! Lmao think they would notice that before posting.