How to Ease the Pain of Romantic Rejection

October 20, 2010  |  

2) Don’t Dwell: Take a little time to acess what, if anything, you might have done to turn the person in question off, but don’t obsess over it. This assessment should be done in the spirit of going forward and preparing for the next conquest/romance…NOT in hopes of rewinding the tape and trying to get that old not-really-a-thing back.

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  • I. Very first, you ought to have a number of eBooks on Good results which will provide you with a broader information from the tactics, principles, suggestions, methods etc to recognizing your prospective and attaining the greatest success.

  • ms j

    While these topics do seem to present a tone that promotes narcissism within women and men who have experienced rejection, perhaps a dose of self love is what's needed when one realizes that they have experienced unrequited love/lust or whatever. Of course, this doesn’t mean that a person should not be accountable; especially if they obsessively called or made unrealistic wedding plans for the future. But, at the end of the day, if it makes someone feel better to be overly self-focused, then maybe narcissism is appropriate.

  • Lisa

    What I have learned about rejection is that 9 times out of 10, it can be prevented because the writing is already on the wall, but we fail to see it. Normally, it doesn't take a long time to figure out if a man is into you or not. But too often, women try to prove that we can win a man's heart so we put too much time and energy into something that will never be, and then, end up heartbroken. Women have intuition and we need to start listening to it more.

  • dee

    I'm currently in recovery from a failed relationship. I've lost weight, losing sleep, and having trouble concentrating at work. I'm still angry at him but more at myself for allowing myself to become needyand desperate . I really played myself this time. I thought it was love, but it was lust!!! But I'm trusting that God has someone much better in mind for me and if I keep the faith, get in the word, keep my mind on things above. I am looking forward to being celibate ( which was the plan before I met him) I can accept accountability for my role in how things went down. I look forward to growing spritually, truly forgiving myself and him and moving on and up… that's the most importart part right?

  • ken ken

    @ lyndon the title state romantic rejection not failed relationships.

    that is the idea that the author is trying to squash here. Of course there should be some assessment made of our selves when someone does not want you in return but obsessing over that fact or not accepting that this guy/girl is not right for you is not healthy .

    If you are in a romance not a (commitment / relationship were both parties have made it clear they are interested and invested in one another) then its a time where rejection is possible an if does happen unpacking the positive, not dwelling, being proud of who you are and giving yourself a confidence booster is a great way to move on from being rejected..

    I think you made some valid points but the points you made apply to a woman in a failed relationship or something of that nature.

    Romance is great we shouldn't take it so seriously because no one likes the bitter girl..lol…leave the seriousness for relationship faux pas.

  • MSTEXAZ

    And why are yal just posting this I needed this last week but it really helps good read!

  • I don't care who is the blame-

    I've received called and even have asked my friends how to get over someone- no matter who "hurt" who.

    Some good basic advice people often forget to do when moving on. I'm all about growing from relationships. Taking the good with the bad and good with the good. It's all about growing and learning

  • Pretty good information. Sometimes things just do not work out the way we plan in 'relationships'. Learn from it and move on. Don't spend time thinking about the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Live your life!!

  • I fully respect the fact that you do respond.

    And what I take issue with is not the woman placing herself at the center- It needs to be done. What I absolutely don't agree with is women failing to EVER take ownership over the WRONG they do- no matter the relationship capacity.

    You obviously have a powerful and influential voice and I do read your work. One of the issues that stick out in just about all of your writing is the level of arrogance. There is a place for it, but you send messages to women that can be counter productive to real and honest progression.

    You said yourself to "unpack the positive", that says to me (if I were a woman) disregard my role in the relationship. Yet, you advise moving on… That does not spell true pride and confidence if you havent dealt with the real issues. Again, just my view.

  • I'm not into making anyone insecure (We carry enough already). What I notice often is the lack of overall accountability women take through and post relationship. I'm not here to be malicious or contend everything you're saying, but when your specific views on relationships have a chauvanistc tone that I don't agree with, I feeled compelled to comment.

    Your mere reference to a relationship as a "conquest" raises a flag. If you only want AMEN comments and not be challenged that's your battle to fight. I respect your position and I'm entitled to mine (perhaps not for long). So keeping it constructive and civil, please know I will always add my two cents and my intent is to never be dismissive toward your work. Just giving another perspective

    • D

      Um, without the 20/20 vision of hindsight or the input of the other person, it is difficult to “take accountability” and assess your faults in the relationship in a way that is constructive and will cause you not to make the same mistakes in the future. I find that people resort to insecurity when accessing what they did wrong from a place of hurt, claim that they “always make the same mistakes” and as a result don’t have faith inmaking a fresh start armed with knowledge of their past flaws. I think insecurity is a form of runaway egotism and compensates with certain vanities or egoic urges, so I think it’s best to calm the ego and rebuild with care from friends and oneself before trying to improve on what you might have done wrong. Dwelling is what tends to happen when thinking of flaws not long after a break up and it just hurts and doesn’t help. When the other person gives up on you, they’ve released you and you once again have to make peace with yourself. And this involves self love rather than self hatred. As far as calling relationships as “conquests,” neither men nor women are immune to viewing some relationships or dates as conquests.

      Rejection tends to read similarly to physical pain and increase negativity. Also, after being coupled with someone, it is hard to release and find happiness in one’s individual identity and be able to be self sufficient as the source of one’s happiness. Unpacking the positive means taking the pointers and mistakes that can be used to further growth and scrapping the rest. One feels lousy after rejection, flawed and in the wrong, when the other person or the combination of the two people could also be at fault. Changing one’s continual mistakes and habits takes time and loving attention, there’s no need to torture oneself immediately to satisfy the other person’s thirst for justice or “accountability.” It is only the single person that suffers if they eventually don’t take into account where they were at fault in a relationship, but they suffer more if they don’t heal and still hate to be by themselves.

  • Sister Toldja

    Every rejection doesn't require accountability, nor is it always an opportunity for major growth. If you can read again, I also stated clearly "Take a little time to access what, if anything, you might have done to turn the person in question off, but don’t obsess over it. This assessment should be done in the spirit of going forward and preparing for the next conquest/romance" . This is not an article about a break-up, this is about being rejected by someone you may have liked or only briefly dated. Sometimes, it's simply a matter of the other person lacking attraction to you or failing to see you as a good match or perhaps just being interested in someone else. Where is the "accountability" factor there?

    If you would like some Steve Harvey, Jimi Izreal 'make women feel insecure and like everything they are doing is wrong' advice, try one of their sites.

  • "Unpack the positive"

    "Don't dwell"

    "Be prideful, excessively"

    "It's not your loss, it's his/hers"

    Look forward to the next "Conquest"

    All of this breathes narcissism and no accountability. Where's the actual growth from the experience?