Take A Lesson From Kenya: The Problem With Trying To Make Something Happen With A Man Who Likes You Just Enough–Not A Lot

December 18, 2012  |  

Out of all of the people I’ve known in my 20+ years on this earth, I never expected that I would learn the most about love from my younger brother. My sneaking, scheming, two-timing younger brother, but somehow I did.

You see, with as many of the girls that my brother has dated in his young life, it’s a shame that he’s only really cared about two. One was a high school sweetheart, the other a girl he met once he was in college. Each time I was equally shocked at how well he treated them. Not because a man shouldn’t treat the woman that he’s dating like a princess, but because I’ve always counted my brother as one of the most selfish human beings in my Rolodex (I love him, but it’s true). But, when he’s in love, he transforms. He gives selflessly, loves deeply and stops at nothing to ensure that his woman knows that she’s a priority in his life. Although she may not be his number one priority (nor should she be at his age), it is important to note that she is a priority.

Watching him over the years was an eye opener for me. Not because I am unaware of how a lady should be treated, but because it taught me the difference between being in a relationship with a man who only likes you enough as opposed to being with a man who adores you. Every woman deserves to be adored, genuinely loved and desired by her man, not merely tolerated  by him. Unfortunately, many women sell themselves short out of desperation and cling to men who show minimal interest in them at best. They rarely loosen their grip on the man long enough to realize that he really is not that interested in them.

The most recent and unfortunate example of this has played out during this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta through former Miss USA Kenya Moore’s desperate attempts at getting her half-interested boyfriend to marry her and get her pregnant. While many may have gotten a chuckle out of Kenya’s over the top love-marriage-and-a-baby-carriage antics, it was difficult and even painful to watch at times for me because it makes you wonder how a person so beautiful could have such low self-esteem and be so oblivious to what she’s worth. While Kenya’s situation may have been highly dramatized for reality television purposes (there are even rumors that her “man” Walter pretended to be her boo for TV), it is only an exaggerated depiction of many everyday women who sell themselves short. I can speak on it because I’ve been there. I’ve been the girl who foolishly sits around waiting for a guy to wake up and realize how valuable I am instead of moving on and waiting for the man who will recognize my worth.

A woman should never be unsure of her man’s intentions. She should never have to beg or pressure him to marry her. A man who finds a woman he wants will not string her along. A man who genuinely loves a woman will truly love her, cherish her and refuse to let her go. He will do what he has to do to keep her. A man who truly wants a woman will pursue her relentlessly. You’ll never have to chase a man who really wants to be with you. So many women force relationships with men or settle for a guy who makes it evident that he can take or leave her, all for the sake of being with someone, instead of holding out for the man who is truly interested in them. In doing this, they open their hearts up for rejection and jump head first into a battle they can’t win. Opening your heart to someone who is only half-interested in you is dangerous. It is impossible to hold onto a man who doesn’t want you and it is foolish to try.

A man can smell a desperate woman from a mile away and the only way to rid yourself of the scent of desperation is to recognize your value and acknowledge your worth. A confident woman can look herself in the mirror and admit that although this man may not be all that interested in her, there’s another man who will be because she’s a great catch. She realizes that this man not being as interested in her as she is in him does not lessen her value or make her less adequate. She refuses to subject herself to the embarrassment of forcing a relationship and heavy future plans with the man who just likes her enough and will not allow him to occupy the space that can be filled by a man who will sincerely adore her. The sooner many of us get that message, the better off we’ll be. If he only likes you “enough,” then plain and simple, that’s NOT enough.

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for madamenoire.com. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • Chilipepper299

    And that’s why Steve Harvey is the man! lol

  • Onisiro B

    Not that I can’t use some of this info myself but this is one I definitely will be passing on to the ladies. This article is so dead on!

  • Tamz

    This is a great article!!!

  • Nae

    This was an awesome article… I needed to read this…Thanks!!!

  • Melyssa

    This post is SPOT ON!!!..by experiencing and seeing the difference it definitely has helped me to navigate through the dating game and to recognize quickly the men who are just trying to run game or add me to their roster of other string along chicks because lawd knows they WILL TRY IT!!! I always look to see if HIS ACTIONS and HIS WORDS ALIGN….. and if they don’t I adjust accordingly. I am still enjoying my residency on Single Wisteria Lane so I don’t take things too seriously so we can still hang out and kick it, but I make sure I am putting my wants and needs first though.

  • Well put. Glad I know my worth honey

  • relationshipdna

    Can’t argue with this one. Considering all of the abandonment and absent daddy issues Ms. Kenya is dealing with, it’s no surprise that she has no idea what real love looks like.

    Lack of self worth will have you clinging to anything and anyone that gives you the slightest bit of attention and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that something serious can come out of a lukewarm to a bad situation, you’ll only get disappointed in the end.

  • Yes ladies, screen those men who are lukewarm to you early and often. Half the battle in successful dating is recognizing lack of interest and moving on before you commit too much time and your body to someone who isn’t into you.

  • demecho

    Speaking from a male perspective. I totally agree with this article. I have two sisters & whenever they come to me for the “what does this or that mean ? “. I tell them …when a man truly wants you there is no gray area, most times you will have to tell him to “pump the brakes”. Ladies please trust your instincts & remember what the Bible says …”that above all things, the heart is deceitful”

    • relationshipdna


  • Tiff

    Mama always told me “like somebody that likes YOU”. Sounds simple but apparently in today’s dating scene it’s not.

  • chazzychat

    Jazmine you should add to the end of this post *drops mic and exits stage left* because this was RIGHT ON POINT. Very eye-opening and EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

  • Star

    Great Article….

  • Kitty