On A More Serious Note: Natural Hair Vlogger Franchesca Ramsey Shares Her Date Rape Experience

52 comments
December 17, 2012 ‐ By
Source: YouTube.com

Source: YouTube.com

If you’re a fan of vlogger Franchesca Ramsey, you know that she keeps it pretty light in her videos. If she’s not making viral skits or other comedic, little shorts, she’s teaching women how to style their locks into something gorgeous. But this past weekend, she strayed away from her formula to talk about something very personal and unfortunately, very prevalent: date rape.

The video came about as a response to vlogger Jenna Marbles’ video “Things I Don’t Understand About Women: Sluts Edition.” In the video Marbles’ goes on about what she considers “loose” sexual behavior for women, like one-night stands, women who sleep with other people’s boyfriends etc. There was one almost-valid point. Jenna mentioned that when you see a woman who’s blackout drunk on the street, as another woman, it would be a great idea to at least ask if that woman is ok, so she doesn’t end up in a dangerous situation. But in the midst of that conversation, she calls those women, who just so happen to get blackout drunk, sluts as well.

It didn’t really sit well with quite a few people. Many argued that there’s nothing wrong with having your own sexual standards; but trying to impose those standards on others, becomes problematic. Futhermore, this business of calling women sluts perpetuates the tendency society has to blame rape victims, that somehow their behavior, whether it’s wearing a revealing piece of clothing or being drunk in public, is almost an invitation to be raped.

Franchesca has a story just like that. She was once the drunk girl in public and unfortunately, that night she was raped. In the video below Franchesca recounts that experience and why calling women sluts actually hurts more than helps.

 

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  • CarlaKah

    And how men need to be raised WITHOUT misogyny!

  • CarlaKah

    WELL then shame the women AND MEN. Society is a collective of people and if people don’t give a rat’s anus about justice then the whole collective eventually goes to the g*dd*mn…

  • CarlaKah

    It’s ok chescaleigh! I am very very thankful for your video! Out of the 4 bff’s I had when I was 15, 3 were raped and one was abused. I do not see KIR12 and others who reason like that as people who need to be listened to. You are part of the solution C! Thank YOU!!!

  • Nikki

    I was in my high school geology class when I was sexually assaulted. It was awkward because I had only considered him to be an acquaintance. He works at my local grocery store, and I run into him every now and again. Even though I try to avoid him, he comes up to me to see how I’m doing.

    This story is was very interesting and another example of why I don’t drink.

  • Nikster

    It is not that it bothers me. Believe me I am fully aware of inequality based on gender. What is troubling is your “it just is what is attitude.” We can’t end all rape or assault but why couldn’t more be done to deal with this issue. I feel like if people took that kind of attitude about a lot of things in history then women in the work place, battles for equal pay regardless of gender, and birth control would have never happened. If you are just going to throw your hands up…well…benign neglect is just as bad as the behavior that we are condemning.

  • DD

    Although I wasn’t drinking, I was standing at a bus stop waiting to go to work and this man sexually assaulted me. He told me that he had been watching me, he knew what time I arrived every morning and proceeded to assault me. My first thought was my clothing. I had on a long yellow skirt and a long sleeved high neck shirt and I couldn’t understand what made him think it was okay to do that to me. When I called the police, I said the same thing to them. I went home and threw the outfit in the trash. Can’t wear yellow to this day.

    • http://www.facebook.com/amshelly09 Adrienne NotsmartjustNosyashel

      It’s not the clothes, it’s the person who commits the act. If it were the clothes, then every man, not just that one man, would be trying to rape you. This man had been watching you for quite some time apprantly, and you had to have worn different things every day, so it was not the outfit. I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you or any woman. I think a lot of women can share similar stories like this video posted or yours even, but most of us don’t speak up. I have my own stories as well. I applaud the women who have come on here to make their stories known to cause awareness. Sure I’m not for women wearing wash-cloths for clothes, but if a woman decides to wear such things, that does not mean she should be a rape victim. The person who commits the rape just has it in them to do that to a woman. There is some thrill there, some type of wanting controll, and all they have to do it pick their targets. Like in the video, she sated that she believes something was put in her drink. So obviously, he had already chosen his target because he knew what he planned to do.

    • CarlaKah

      Please do not blame yellow! It is the guy’s evil!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacqueline.lamar Jacqueline Lamar

    Ok, most of the comments on here are sickening. There is too much emphasis on women being safe and cautious and not enough responsibility on the men to not take advantage of women sexually. Both genders need to be responsible, not just the women :( #doublestandards

  • Elga

    It is horrible what happened to you and from what you said, you know what the only person who probably remembers best and who is definitely to blame is your “girlfriend” she obviously wasn’t drunk as she recalled the events. Sad thing is that the men who did this to you were probably as drunk as you were and most probably do not even think they raped you if you were to confront them. They would say your behavior lead them to believe that you were somehow willing to have sex if they themselves were not in their right state of mind. In your situation I would definitely blame anyone who was sober to make a sound decision not to let you or them have sex.

  • Cha Cha

    I totally agree with you… I have my own story, and I blamed myself for years… It’s also the reason I rarely drink to the point where I don’t know what’s going on, and when I do, it’s only around people I trust with my life. If my friends are drinking, I stay sober so I can watch them… We live and learn! Sorry this happened to you! :( — It’s sad that in society, we have a tendency to place the blame on the wrong people for a lot of things. It’s a double standard. Women who sleep around are sluts, while men… are just being men. No one “deserves” to be raped, whether that person was walking around fully clothed, or walking around in a bikini… whether they were drinking or sober… Yes, as women, we need to be extra careful because that’s just the society we live in… yes, we need to be aware of our surrounding, go out with people we trust 100%, not get blackout drunk, not “send the wrong signals”… but when we don’t do all of that… we still don’t deserve to be raped because we made a mistake.

    • Reese

      I totally agree, my friends call me grandma because I keep an eye on them when they are drinking. I rarely drink because of a health condition. But I know what can happen when somebody isn’t looking out and I try to keep an eye on these sneaky arse men too.

  • Reese

    I was put into a compromising position a few weeks ago at a house party. I hadn’t been drinking at all and I’d volunteered to take my “friends” so they’d have a DD. I ended up taking their coats out to my car, I asked one of them to walk with me out to my car but they were too busy twerking and when I went back into the party. A guy I’ve literally known since I was a kid attempted to pull me into a bedroom. If it wasn’t for one of his frat brothers stopping him and telling him to chill I really don’t know what would have happened. But this is sad what happened to this young woman, when you are drinking out in public you have to be so, so, so careful and know that the people you with are responsible and have your back. Never go out drinking alone and if you’re with a dude you don’t know like that, don’t drink, period.

    • chanela

      the crazy thing is that you weren’t even drunk. SMH

    • chanela

      the crazy thing is that you weren’t even drunk. SMH

    • chanela

      the crazy thing is that you weren’t even drunk. SMH

    • chanela

      the crazy thing is that you weren’t even drunk. SMH

  • http://www.beautifulmic.com/ beautiful mic

    It’s crazy, I consider myself as having a heightened 6th sense. Twice in the past 4 days I’ve dreamed about having been raped, the latest dream being last night. And reading/watching this is making me super alert, and concerned, more than I was this morning.

    I commend any woman who has been able to navigate through that type of trauma. I don’t think I would have that strength. So, I pray that I never go have to through anything that.

    • chanela

      honey YES!

      i feel the same way. whenever i take the bus or train i MAKE SURE to stand with my back against a wall. i wish more women would go out and learn to defend themselves. it’s very easy to seriously injure someone that is bigger than you, it’s not hard.

      i think women should carry some type of weapon with them. mace,stun gun,knife,brick SOMETHING! because unfortunately,people are so damn selfish in this world and if something is happening to you then people are more inclined to pull out their cell phones and record it ,rather than help that person out. some people believe in not helping women who are getting assaulted, because they don’t want to get involved and end up going to court as a witness.

      ladies, we’re on out own sometimes.learn to defend yourself, be alert at all times, ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings, and if you’re out alone just know that everybody is a possible rapist. trust noone.

      also, realize that if something happens, there is a high change that nobody will help you.smh

    • chanela

      honey YES!

      i feel the same way. whenever i take the bus or train i MAKE SURE to stand with my back against a wall. i wish more women would go out and learn to defend themselves. it’s very easy to seriously injure someone that is bigger than you, it’s not hard.

      i think women should carry some type of weapon with them. mace,stun gun,knife,brick SOMETHING! because unfortunately,people are so damn selfish in this world and if something is happening to you then people are more inclined to pull out their cell phones and record it ,rather than help that person out. some people believe in not helping women who are getting assaulted, because they don’t want to get involved and end up going to court as a witness.

      ladies, we’re on out own sometimes.learn to defend yourself, be alert at all times, ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings, and if you’re out alone just know that everybody is a possible rapist. trust noone.

      also, realize that if something happens, there is a high change that nobody will help you.smh

      • Nikster

        I feel you on the defenses women can take but just to point out … the attacker in most cases of rape will be by someone you know (ex: Franchesa’s case). So being aware of your surroundings and looking for danger may be difficult when it could be one of your friends or acquaintances that perpetrates the crime. You may not just be walking down the street dealing with a stranger. “73% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by a non-stranger. Approx. 2/3 of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. 38% of rapes are friends or acquaintances” (www [dot] rainn [dot] org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders). This is why emphasis should be moved away from all a woman can do to protect her vagina b/c you can do everything right and something still go wrong. Two of my friends were raped by male friends. Thought they were safe…quickly realized they weren’t…wasn’t in a position to stop them due to how it happened. Self-defense could have helped but if you are shock…b/c you aren’t expecting to be harmed due to a presumed safe space you may not be able to react and if you can’t you shouldn’t feel guilty for being violated.

    • chanela

      honey YES!

      i feel the same way. whenever i take the bus or train i MAKE SURE to stand with my back against a wall. i wish more women would go out and learn to defend themselves. it’s very easy to seriously injure someone that is bigger than you, it’s not hard.

      i think women should carry some type of weapon with them. mace,stun gun,knife,brick SOMETHING! because unfortunately,people are so damn selfish in this world and if something is happening to you then people are more inclined to pull out their cell phones and record it ,rather than help that person out. some people believe in not helping women who are getting assaulted, because they don’t want to get involved and end up going to court as a witness.

      ladies, we’re on out own sometimes.learn to defend yourself, be alert at all times, ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings, and if you’re out alone just know that everybody is a possible rapist. trust noone.

      also, realize that if something happens, there is a high change that nobody will help you.smh

    • chanela

      honey YES!

      i feel the same way. whenever i take the bus or train i MAKE SURE to stand with my back against a wall. i wish more women would go out and learn to defend themselves. it’s very easy to seriously injure someone that is bigger than you, it’s not hard.

      i think women should carry some type of weapon with them. mace,stun gun,knife,brick SOMETHING! because unfortunately,people are so damn selfish in this world and if something is happening to you then people are more inclined to pull out their cell phones and record it ,rather than help that person out. some people believe in not helping women who are getting assaulted, because they don’t want to get involved and end up going to court as a witness.

      ladies, we’re on out own sometimes.learn to defend yourself, be alert at all times, ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings, and if you’re out alone just know that everybody is a possible rapist. trust noone.

      also, realize that if something happens, there is a high change that nobody will help you.smh

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    I’m a fan of Chesca’s videos. I would never think something as tramatic like date rape happened to her. It goes to show that you should never begrudge anyone because you never know what they’ve been through.

  • sammi_lu

    I try not to pay attention to most of anything that Jenna Marbles says mainly because I’d like to believe that most of her opinions or yammering are for views and clicks. But I too, agree, that it is extremely problematic when you spout off insensitive remarks when you have a significant following and the platform to touch on those topics and deliver something more impactful/powerful as a woman.

  • Pingback: Franchesca Ramsey’s Slut Shaming Video Sparks Discussion on Victim Blaming « I'm Single Because

  • http://blog.franchesca.net chescaleigh

    thanks Madame Noire for sharing my story. I really believe we have to stop judging women for their sexual practices so we can reduce the stigma of “sluttiness” leading to sexual assault. I hope my story serves as a cautionary tale but also ecourages others who’ve been in my situation to speak up for themselves. As I said, it’s important to prevent victims, but support them as well. Thanks again.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jacqueline.lamar Jacqueline Lamar

      Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story and for your bravery. I am truly thankful for your wisdom and your warm spirit. I know that your message will help a lot of young girls, women and men on eliminating the association of rape with being the victim’s fault. I applaud you and keep inspiring! Muahzz :)

    • Meyaka

      Thank YOU for sharing your story,we are so sorry this happened to you and we love you.

  • Dee

    When you go out drinking, make sure you have true friends around you that will have your back no matter what, friends you have already discussed your plans of getting home with. Friends that will tell you that alcohol is making decisions for you. Your drunk friend might be mad at you but she will thank you when she sobers up.

    • http://blog.franchesca.net chescaleigh

      unfortunately you don’t always know who you can trust, which is what happened to me. i didn’t have any experience with alcohol and ended up drinking with guys that were a lot older than me and succumbed to peer pressure. i absolutely think it’s important to stress safety and responsible drinking, but it’s worrisome to me that we keep putting the responsibility on women, instead of encouraging everyone to be responsible and teaching our young men at a young age the difference between yes and no, especially when alcohol is involved.

      • KIR12

        I don’t see how this can be called rape if your friend was in the room with you, you were conscious and you didn’t object at the time. Chances are everyone else was just as drunk as you or at least drunk.

        Rape means the guy should be in prison and labeled a sex offender for life. Is that what you think should have happened to the young man?

        • http://blog.franchesca.net chescaleigh

          wow. no, i was not conscious. not to mention that in the state of Florida, where I’m from, being inebriated means you cannot legally give consent. and the fact that you’re telling me what happened as if you were there really drives home how serious victim blaming is. you weren’t there and i take offense to the fact that you would make assumptions about my experience, when i had the guts to share it on such a public platform in an effort to educate others. i was an 18 year old virgin being fed drinks by a 30 year old man who took advantage of my inexperience. i pray another young women doesn’t see your comment and silence themselves for fear of having people like yourself doubt their experience.

          • KIR12

            Ok, I’m starting to see your point of view. A 30 year old and a 18 year old is somewhat problematic. He obviously had more experience with alcohol.

            You say you were unconscious. Are you saying that your girlfriend watched a guy have s3x with you laying helplessly in that state and did absolutely nothing? What did your girlfriend mean when she said ” “you totally had sex with him. You were so bad”. Also, you didn’t answer my question. Do you think he should be in jail and labeled a s3x offender for life?

            • http://twitter.com/oHIo_Liliann Liliann

              It doesn’t matter if it occurred between two people who are 30 years old and 18 or between two 18 year olds, if one person was too intoxicated to give their consent in the state of Florida it is rape. It is not up to what Chescaleigh THINKS it is up to what the law STATES. and the law in the state where this occurs says that what this man did was a crime. What we need to do is stop blaming the victim and remind our loved ones to be safe and look out for one another.

            • Didi

              It’s very troubling that you are parsing the situation apart so as to place fault on everyone else but the perpetrator. Indeed, this is the problem in society today. Bottom line is, she did not consent. END OF DISCUSSION.

        • Didi

          I’m gonna need folks to realize that inibriation renders people unable to consent. ….

      • Dee

        I am not putting the blame on the young lady. There are times you can take as many precautions as you can and something bad still happens to you. I am just saying that especially in this case, if the coworker was truly her friend that knew the kind of person she was, they would have helped her make the right decision since she was clearly inebriated. She also did not report the guy absolving him of all blame and he might have done that to other women too. My sister was once roofied but she realized a couple of minutes later and she told her friends and they left the club. That’s what your friends do, not just watch you act crazy and think its all fun and games.

  • Meyaka

    I’m glad she told her story,as women we need to be careful,there are psychopaths out there waiting for their chance to jump you. Don’t get pissy drunk in public,don’t leave your drink unattended ,carry pepper spray in your clutch,keep your phone charged so you can call 911,just be careful ladies.

  • ieshapatterson

    It was good to see and hear this,but she’s also an example to other women and how they need to be more careful.

    • http://blog.franchesca.net chescaleigh

      which is why i said….”it’s not a good idea for anyone to get black out drunk. and i say this as someone with experience” in no way did i gloss over the mistake of drinking. i very clearly said that it’s important to PREVENT victims as well as support them.

      • ieshapatterson

        1please clam down,I’m being disrespectful in any shape or fashion,I’m just saying that it’s great that you told your story.however, it’s also a prime example of how young ladies need to be more aware of who they call friends and who they drink with.
        2 i love your videos.

        • http://blog.franchesca.net chescaleigh

          i’m not upset, but believe me, it took a lot for me to share this with the internet, and it’s kind of heart breaking how many people thousands of people are dead set on reminding me that i shouldn’t have drank. it kinda negates the whole point of a video about victim blaming :P

          sadly, i had no way of knowing that she wasn’t a real friend. and that happens to a lot of people. i’m pretty sure we’ve all had “friends” who turned out to be crappy people. but you don’t know that until they show their true colors. but by then, it might be too late. but again, we really need to open this conversation and encourage EVERYONE to be smarter about their choices, not just women. my “friend’s” boyfriend could’ve easily stepped in, but he didn’t. that’s the issue here. we keep telling women not to do XYZ but young men are not being raised to understand consent or to look out for women in bars who might be in danger.

          • http://www.facebook.com/jacqueline.lamar Jacqueline Lamar

            Right on.

        • Nikster

          Why isn’t another example of how we need to teach men to respect women and not take advantage of them? Why is the focus on her drinking behavior as opposed to the fact that instead of just taking her home someone took advantage of her when she was vulnerable? It shouldn’t matter how the vulnerabilty manifested…it happened…why did he think it was okay to hurt her? That is the bigger question and that is what is being overlooked with your comment. That IS disrespectful even if you don’t view it as such.

          • ieshapatterson

            That’s the way it is.women will always be judge,even when it’s not their faults.

            • chanela

              *judged

            • CarlaKah

              100 years ago there were people who said : “That’s the way it is. black people will always be servants,even when it’s not their wish.” Do you get where you are wrong here???

          • CarlaKah

            Thank you!

        • CarlaKah

          NO it is a PRIME example of how messed up the IDEA of MASCULINITY is these days. BEING a rapist is not determined by GENDER but by a lack of RESPECT for boundaries!

          • ieshapatterson

            Lol okay,if that’s how you feel,then that’s how you feel,but a lot of people on her YouTube page,said the same thing. That’s just proof that’s I’m not the only one,who thinks that. Women need to be more mindful about who there with and where they go. That is a fact,so just deal with it.

            • CarlaKah

              IT is NOT my feeling. It is a true problem that can only be solved when boys are raised to 1st take responsibility for their own actions + respect BOUNDARIES. No=no. And if a girl/woman is inebriated, she should be left alone and NOT be taken advantage of. Women/girls should learn to protect themselves and love themselves so they can minimize the danger they might find themselves in, but that is NOT enough. A lot of people STILL believe that black people are inferior because of the color of our skin. Does that make it true?? Think!!! Following a crowd only makes you look stupid.

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