You May Need To Tone It Down: How Your Facebook Behavior Is Embarrassing Him
There’s a nice surprise element to Facebook: you can post something on somebody’s wall, and by the time they get to it they realize that all of their friends have already seen it! In many cases, this can be funny. It’s a great tool for your prankster friend to play a joke on you “in public.” But, that same surprise, public element in a relationship can make your boyfriend often feel embarrassed and completely helpless. He can’t control what you post on his wall for all his friends to see. But, believe me, most of it he wishes you hadn’t!
“I miss you” or “Love you!”
This could just as easily been written in a text message or email. The fact that you’re publicizing it makes you look territorial as well as cheesy to his on-looking friends. It’s like a small claim you’re staking on his page.
When you post an album of you and your man cuddling on the couch and eating takeout, he’s immediately insinuated in a crime he didn’t mean to be a part of: the crime of thinking your hum drum life is SO interesting! Photos of your exotic vacation we’ll take. But we all lie on couches and eat takeout: that does not photo album material make.
You become friends with your man on Facebook and then you think hey, let’s seal the deal! So you connect with him on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. But Facebook often publicizes those connections and that connecting spree makes you look desperate, or like you and your man are jumping the gun and linking up your lives too fast.
“Thanks for last night (insert emoticon here)”
Last night might have been special, but posting those words on Facebook, as fodder for everyone else to imagine and fantasize about what happened last night, takes the special-ness of last night away. Also, some people don’t want that fodder for thought and are just grossed out.
Post pictures of his romantic gestures
Rose pedals in the bathtub, candles all over the bedroom, the necklace he bought you now on your adorable dog’s neck. Your guy doesn’t want his buddies ever, ever seeing that side of him. And you just gave them an intimate look. Some things are only meant to be seen by you!
Pictures of him sleeping
Again, these are boring like the generic photo album, but also I promise you nobody thinks your boyfriend is cute while he is sleeping besides you. You’re just giving them an inside look at something they didn’t want to see.
Adding all of his friends
After meeting all of his friends at a party, you go on a friend request spree! But this makes it look like you’re trying to integrate yourself into your man’s inner circle way too fast.
Adding all of his female friends
Perhaps you specifically target his female friends to show that you are totally cool with him being friends with the opposite sex. What actually happens is it looks like you want to keep tabs on him.
Plan date night
Remember, every time you post anything, the poor people who subscribed to or friended you have the privilege or perhaps annoyance of receiving that update. And, you know that when your little screen does that flashy thing, right before it updates the newsfeed, you get excited and you read the new posts! Imagine the disappointment of your friends when they realize they’re just catching a boring, plan-date-night convo between you and your man that should really be happening over the phone.
Air out your dirty laundry
“I can’t stand men who think they can just change plans on you at the last minute.” Really? You can’t stand “men” who do that? As if we don’t all know you’re talking about your boyfriend and an argument you just got in. When you post something like this, it’s like you’re the person who gets in a fight at the dinner table, in front of ten other guests: everybody is uncomfortable. Nobody wants to comment. Usually people get up and walk away.
Facebooking from across the room
It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not surprising. So stop posting things like, “I love you baby! Oh and can you hand me that remote control?” The only people who get any kick out of the two of you Facebooking each other from across the room are you two.
“I’m so proud of fill in boyfriend’s name here for fill in accomplishment here”
It’s a nice sentiment but this always ends up looking like you’re either A) Trying to reaffirm to yourself that your boyfriend is accomplished/impressive/successful and need everyone else’s affirmation to believe it or B) Trying to show off.
There is never any good reason to, in seriousness, put your relationship status as, “It’s complicated.” It may in fact be complicated with your man. But putting that up as your status only tells the world you and your man are constantly fighting, or that you’re kind of an idiot for staying with someone with whom it is so complicated that it becomes your status, and hints of a cry of despair like, “Hey…somebody come save me…maybe a guy out there who likes to help broken women…”
Posting embarrassing stories or pictures of your man
Always consider anything embarrassing or incriminating that your man tells you about himself as confidential, unless he specifies otherwise. You may think it’s funny and cute to post a picture of him sneaking a flask into his soda at his bar mitzvah, but he’ll feel you betrayed his trust.