You May Need To Tone It Down: How Your Facebook Behavior Is Embarrassing Him

December 26, 2012  |  
iStockphoto

iStockphoto

There’s a nice surprise element to Facebook: you can post something on somebody’s wall, and by the time they get to it they realize that all of their friends have already seen it! In many cases, this can be funny. It’s a great tool for your prankster friend to play a joke on you “in public.” But, that same surprise, public element in a relationship can make your boyfriend often feel embarrassed and completely helpless. He can’t control what you post on his wall for all his friends to see. But, believe me, most of it he wishes you hadn’t!

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

“I miss you” or “Love you!”

This could just as easily been written in a text message or email. The fact that you’re publicizing it makes you look territorial as well as cheesy to his on-looking friends. It’s like a small claim you’re staking on his page.

"Couple cuddling on couch pf"

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Boring pictures

When you post an album of you and your man cuddling on the couch and eating takeout, he’s immediately insinuated in a crime he didn’t mean to be a part of: the crime of thinking your hum drum life is SO interesting! Photos of your exotic vacation we’ll take. But we all lie on couches and eat takeout: that does not photo album material make.

"woman checking phone pf"

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Connecting everywhere

You become friends with your man on Facebook and then you think hey, let’s seal the deal! So you connect with him on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. But Facebook often publicizes those connections and that connecting spree makes you look desperate, or like you and your man are jumping the gun and linking up your lives too fast.

"Bucket of champagne pf"

Shutterstock

“Thanks for last night (insert emoticon here)”

Last night might have been special, but posting those words on Facebook, as fodder for everyone else to imagine and fantasize about what happened last night, takes the special-ness of last night away. Also, some people don’t want that fodder for thought and are just grossed out.

"Man giving a woman flowers pf"

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Post pictures of his romantic gestures

Rose pedals in the bathtub, candles all over the bedroom, the necklace he bought you now on your adorable dog’s neck. Your guy doesn’t want his buddies ever, ever seeing that side of him. And you just gave them an intimate look. Some things are only meant to be seen by you!

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Pictures of him sleeping

Again, these are boring like the generic photo album, but also I promise you nobody thinks your boyfriend is cute while he is sleeping besides you. You’re just giving them an inside look at something they didn’t want to see.

"Guys watching TV pf"

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Adding all of his friends

After meeting all of his friends at a party, you go on a friend request spree! But this makes it look like you’re trying to integrate yourself into your man’s inner circle way too fast.

"black woman on the computer pf"

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Adding all of his female friends

Perhaps you specifically target his female friends to show that you are totally cool with him being friends with the opposite sex. What actually happens is it looks like you want to keep tabs on him.

"Wine glasses pf"

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Plan date night

Remember, every time you post anything, the poor people who subscribed to or friended you have the privilege or perhaps annoyance of receiving that update. And, you know that when your little screen does that flashy thing, right before it updates the newsfeed, you get excited and you read the new posts! Imagine the disappointment of your friends when they realize they’re just catching a boring, plan-date-night convo between you and your man that should really be happening over the phone.

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Shutterstock

 

Air out your dirty laundry

“I can’t stand men who think they can just change plans on you at the last minute.” Really? You can’t stand “men” who do that? As if we don’t all know you’re talking about your boyfriend and an argument you just got in. When you post something like this, it’s like you’re the person who gets in a fight at the dinner table, in front of ten other guests: everybody is uncomfortable. Nobody wants to comment. Usually people get up and walk away.

Couple On Computer

Source: Shutterstock

Facebooking from across the room

It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not surprising. So stop posting things like, “I love you baby! Oh and can you hand me that remote control?” The only people who get any kick out of the two of you Facebooking each other from across the room are you two.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Cheerleading

“I’m so proud of fill in boyfriend’s name here for fill in accomplishment here

It’s a nice sentiment but this always ends up looking like you’re either A) Trying to reaffirm to yourself that your boyfriend is accomplished/impressive/successful and need everyone else’s affirmation to believe it or B) Trying to show off.

"Couple arguing pf"

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“It’s complicated”

There is never any good reason to, in seriousness, put your relationship status as, “It’s complicated.” It may in fact be complicated with your man. But putting that up as your status only tells the world you and your man are constantly fighting, or that you’re kind of an idiot for staying with someone with whom it is so complicated that it becomes your status, and hints of a cry of despair like, “Hey…somebody come save me…maybe a guy out there who likes to help broken women…”

"Man covering his face pf"

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Posting embarrassing stories or pictures of your man

Always consider anything embarrassing or incriminating that your man tells you about himself as confidential, unless he specifies otherwise. You may think it’s funny and cute to post a picture of him sneaking a flask into his soda at his bar mitzvah, but he’ll feel you betrayed his trust.

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  • chanela

    dannnggg all of these are soo on point!!!!

    i know a girl who posts pictures whenever her boyfriend does something sweet for her. i also know of one who posts every detail of an argument that her and her man are having…. then they continue the argument in the comment section.

    the WORST thing ever is this new trend of couples taking naked pictures under blankets or just naked pictures period together and posting it on facebook. WTF?!?!?!?! why!?!!?

  • clove8canela

    Facebooking from across the room has got to be the most egregious one. I can’t believe there’s people out there who really do that.

  • DYNAMICALLYDELLA

    All valid points MN.
    Readers Jsyk…if you share friends with your mate your posts still show up in their(as well your friends) newsfeed even if its not yet been approved on his wall; just as items you hide from timeline are present in newsfeeds even when not visible on your wall. Not theory or conjecture, fact…we really need to do better about getting butt hurt over bubblegum journalism, and feeling the need to condemn/insult those who are appointed here to entertain and occasionally inform. IJS its not a good look for ‘adults.’ I am sure there are ways to contact the authors or administrators that don’t involve public tantrums. ->this is a suggestion for ALL who lack restraint in their commnenting.

  • Kaori

    I firmly believe that when two people are in a relationship, it is best to keep it off of social networks.

  • CHEERLEADING

    “I’m so proud of fill in boyfriend’s name here for fill in accomplishment here”

    It’s a nice sentiment but this always ends up looking like you’re either A) Trying to reaffirm to yourself that your boyfriend is accomplished/impressive/successful and need everyone else’s affirmation to believe it or B) Trying to show off.”

    Eh, I have to disagree with this one. Acknowledging someone’s accomplishments is fine if you keep it short and sweet and don’t ‘humble brag’.

  • mac

    Some of y’all so pressed to scroll down here and point out a mistake. I believe what she said was, he can’t control WHAT she posts. He can delete it after the fact or limit who sees it, but can he control what she chooses to post? *drumroll* No.

    • YouNeedAnEditor

      To his wall, the answer is, “Yes.” *side eye*

      • mac

        lol and you feel the need to continue to post about this, why? Even under a different screen name. (That Mika character is obviously you, try using a word besides “premise”).

        Did you even read the rest or were you too shocked and appalled by this supposed discrepancy to continue?

        • YouNeedAnEditor

          1. My previous posts were deleted and I posted again with a different login using my name and another e-mail address as I tried to troubleshoot the problem. It was only later that both posts appeared. So don’t give me any lip about a “character,” Sherlock.
          2. I did read the entire post before I commented. Did you?
          3. My initial point still stands– this article lacked relevance on the PREMISE because all Facebook users can prevent people from posting on their walls, period. Did you read the first slide before you jumped on me making note of this?
          4. Get your life. And some standards. Like MadameNoire should. I return to this site hoping to find the quality that once was, until they started to cater to the lowest common denominator, like you. Any woman doing this silly stuff listed on the slides in this article is only embarrassing herself. We could have used a much better article in its place.
          5. PREMISE PREMISE PREMISE Mwahahahahah

          • mac

            MN, when did y’all start letting 12 yr olds on this site?

  • mac

    Some of y’all so pressed to scroll down here and point out a mistake. I believe what she said was, he can’t control WHAT she posts. He can delete it after the fact, or limit who sees it, but can he control what she chooses to post? *drumroll* No.

  • Mika

    A Facebook user CAN control who sees posts on their wall, even before they are posted. Your premise is wrong.

  • YouNeedAnEditor

    ~You deleted my previous comment, MN. Was it because I called you out on this fail?~
    FAIL, MN. A Facebook user can, indeed, control who posts to their wall and which audience can see posts. My settings are adjusted so that I have to approve all posts to my wall for my friends only to see before they are actually posted. This goes against the premise of your article, and is a glaring incorrect statement on your first slide.
    I don’t know why I keep coming back for your “journalism,” MN. Step it up.

    • mac

      Because all will be lost if you stop coming back for their journalism. *cries*

  • Editor

    FAIL. Facebook users can, indeed, control posts to their wall, unlike your statement in the premise to this article. I have my settings adjusted so that I must approve all posts to my wall before their appear to my friends.

    Y’all are so sloppy, MN. I don’t know why I come back for your “journalism.”