True Life: I Lost A Friend After I Told Her About Herself

December 14, 2012  |  


When you truly care about someone, you have their best interests at heart. And that means that you tell them the truth about how it is, even  when it’s unpleasant.But sometimes, the people we love and care about just are not ready to receive that truth and instead of listening to our words of wisdom or taking our opinion with a grain of salt, they completely lash out and stop speaking to us entirely. It’s a common occurrence among women, so we asked our Facebook and Twitter followers, if this had ever happened to them. See what they had to say. 


Beth_anne: yes. That she was acting crazy trying to get knocked up “because mixed babies are cute.”


Eartha: Yes! Her man started hitting her in front of me I was like wtf! She was like Calm down this is what we do. Told me to leave!


Yvette: Yes. Telling her to stop restarting and just follow a path because she could no longer live the way she had. We’re barely friends now.


Ashley: I told my dearest friend that she had a serious drinking problem, was verbally abusive and racist while drinking, and needed to get help so she would stop driving with her daughter in the car while drunk. One night I was the designated driver and she kicked me out of the car and left me stranded on the side of the highway because I wasn’t ‘fit’ to drive her car and ‘black music’ wasn’t allowed to be played in her car. Needless to say we don’t speak any longer..


Meena: Yep. Major fallout on vacay in San Francisco. My ex-BFF was so narcissistic, rude and selfish. Once I told her it went all bad, haven’t spoken to her since.


Terria: Yes I did. A friend was about to marry someone she only known for 6 wks and met online. I told her it wasn’t a good idea and she needs to think about it


Erica: I told her to not get knocked up AGAIN by her alcoholic, DUI repeat offender boyfriend and apparently that made me a judgmental b*&^h.


Robin: I’ve been in this situation, and it was over a man. My best friend had her own place, car, money and was going to school to be a nurse. The noodle that she was messing with had no job, no money.. He was living off of her. Needless to say our friendship was ruined because she didn’t want to hear the truth and he didn’t like me.


Deanna: Told her to stop using her child as a pawn against the dad,because it wasnt right,and it would come bk on her… she let me have it,haven’t spoken to her in over 12yrs…. Smdh…..

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  • FAMURattler85

    I’m going to put it this way, if I’m asked to share my opinion, I’m going to give it to you straight, no chaser. Same way I would want it given to me. A friend tells the truth no matter how harsh it may be, especially if they need to hear it. If you don’t want my opinion, don’t ask for it. If folks can’t handle it, then we aren’t a good match to be friends. I have no problems letting someone go over some foolishness. No skin off my back.

  • Starbright

    I lost one of my best friends of 6 years because I told her that she can’t go around disliking everyone and thinking she can talk to people any kind of way. We fell out and even though we do speak when we see each other, we are no longer close and haven’t been for years. Also had a friend get mad at me bc I told her I was tired of hearing about her no good boyfriend at the time using her and hitting her, even though countless times I told her to put him out of her place. She got mad for awhile, then apologized. We are friends, but not as close.

  • Cakester

    I lost a “friend” because when our husbands went on a trip together, her husband cheated and mine didn’t…. they went to Vegas for a bachelor party and her husband brought two women back to the room (one for him and one for my husband) – well two weeks later, her husband’s girl decided to call my friend and tell her that she had been sleeping with her husband… my friend then called me and told me to come over cause our husbands have been doing us dirty… so I come over, we call the girl and she tells us that my husband was a jerk and up and left the room (he went to a friends room) and that her husband slept with one girl, while the other girl slept in my husband’s bed. At this point, my friend got mad at me and my husband..(she’s known my husband longer than I have). She basically told me that my husband owed her an apology for not telling her… and her husband, two years later, they are still together and she didnt even pinch him for cheating…. her and I no longer speak, as her version of the story is that my husband made her husband cheat… talk about denial and misplaced anger!

    • MLS2698

      Just……Damn! Why did the girl have your friend’s husband’s phone #, anyway? Why didn’t she STAY in Vegas like the saying?

  • Angelique

    i told a friend in all love that she had a habit of choosing men over friends and using money in place of true caring. she immediately deleted me from her life. what sad is that all of her former friends are still friends, and all her exes are still cool with us, and don’t mess with her because of how she treated us.

  • Trisha_B

    I always tell people if you don’t want the truth, don’t come to me. I’m not a fan of sugar coating. I do agree w/ LadyBug94 that delivery is everything & if you say it harsh, it could make things worse. But sometimes you get so annoyed/fed up that you just have to give it raw so they’ll understand.


    What I’ve gathered is that a lot of people cannot handle the truth. Everyone has to learn their lessons on their own which is sometimes a hard lesson!!!

  • Nikki

    I told her I love her to death but I need space because she’s too clingy. Then I said, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” Do I regret it? Yeah, because at the time that I needed her the most she was too pissed to talk to me. When I called to apologize, it was too late…

  • ieshapatterson

    Most people don’t like the truth.even if it’s said in love.these people should be thankful,that they had real friends to tell them the truth.

  • Tamz

    I am in agreement with @Ladybug94:disqus, it’s how your message is conveyed. I was friends with this young lady since the mid 90’s and she met her husband and he and I became good friends as well. They would cheat on each other, find out about each other’s infidelity, have knock down drag out fights, AND CALL ME!! Like, what am I supposed to do? I politely told the two of them I couldn’t be a part of their dysfunction anymore and they told me I was a horrible friend…um…no. I still see them, I’m cordial but I still want NO PARTS of their drama….

  • Me, Myself & I

    If friends can’t take a lil’ criticism then its better that they go their way & you go yours!

  • I used to hang with this white chick. One day, she told me that she was ‘blacker’ than me. Maybe because I grew up in a two-parent household, we were middle class and I didn’t speak ‘ghetto’. Our relationship dissolved when I replied, “You’ll NEVER be ‘blacker’ than me but you’ll always be more ‘ghetto’. Fast forward many years, she’s got 4 kids by for different guys. Oh well…

    • SunshineBlossom

      I always find it funny how some white girls automatically think they’re “black” because they have a token black friend (not saying that you were at all)… Let something happen and they need to get out of some trouble, they will use their “vanillacentric” privilege with a quickness.

  • get real

    If u can’t tell a good friend what heshe is doing wrong and vice versa, then y’all ain’t got sh**.

    • Nikki

      I don’t think so. Sometimes I need to make my own mistakes to learn from them. (And sometimes I make those mistakes more than once) And I always hear, “I told you so…” Maybe I’m hard-headed…

  • Jacqxz

    Chiiiiilllllld, if these stories aren’t hot steaming piles of MESS right here!! But you know, Ladybug94 might be right, cuz I could see the delivery of these statements coming off as fresh but at the same time I don’t believe in sugar coating jack! HE WAS A DAMN CRACKHEAD!!!! Laaawd and you think 5 kinds wudda made the other one wiser…smh…

  • Ladybug94

    A good friend is hard to find but knowing how people can be, I doubt the approach to the truth was always in love. What we need to remember is delivery can be everything. Just by some of the statements on here I can tell they were delivered with an attitude which usually isn’t received well.

    • chanela

      so tell me a nice way to tell someone that their husband keeps hitting on them or that it’s not smart to date somebody thats strung out on crack or alcohol. i mean REALLY?!

      • Ladybug94

        I can see you would be one with the wrong delivery. You have attitude responding to me. My mom always said “it’s not what you say but how you say it”. Think about it and leave the attitude (neck rolling) out. You’ll see better results.

        • Regardless of how you tell people they can get mad if they don’t want to hear it. If they have to face the truth they are angry with you. They might get over it if they mature. But I tell them anyway, I would be less of a friend. But I have cut off friends who are always in crisis and hard headed because I would be worried or upset all the time.

      • THE best thing to do if mind your business, stop passing judgement and just be there the way they need u uo be…

  • chanela

    dammmn!!!! hot mess!

  • bluekissess

    The truth hurts.