Things I Hate About The Holidays: Visiting Friends With Kids

December 11, 2012  |  


I always look forward to going home to California. When I’m not visiting all the various members of my very large extended family, I get to catch up with many of my friends from college and high school over happy hours, dinners and brunches. The week between Christmas and New Year’s is certainly a fruitful time for me to reconnect and just relax. I see that week as my own personal vacation and other than visiting the set number of my aunts and newborn babies in the family, I see that time as my own, which is why I can be very territorial with it. As I prep for my trip, in fact, I’m already plotting to guard my private time carefully, and that’s going to involve hurting a friend’s feelings.

I realize that people grow up and have children. My friend April* is one of them. Most of my friends don’t have children and are happy to hang out during this week. April, on the other hand, always wants to make sure I visit her at her home with her children. (Mind you, she lives a solid 45 minute drive away). I can’t just have her meet me out anymore. Well, actually I can. She just doesn’t want to do that. Her parents live next door and are always happy to babysit.

What can I say? I’m not a kids person. In addition, I feel that when I see my friend, I want to actually connect with my friend. We rarely have time to talk during the year and I’d rather catch up with her at an adult outing rather than spend an evening making  goo-goo ga-ga talk with her young children. Although I know she wants me to visit her kids and that it would give her some level of satisfaction for me to do so, I’m just too selfish. I know this is a situation I’ll have to deal with as I get older and as more of my friends settle down and have children, but I’d like to think that I’ll always capitalize on opportunities to have some real one on one time even when I become a mother.

To that end, I plan on circumventing the whole thing and inviting April to dinner. If she insists that I visit her children, I’ll have to tell her straight up that my time is limited but that would appreciate if she could meet me halfway. As a friend, who was once not a mom, I think she should understand.

How have your own friendships changed once kids came into the picture? 

*name has been changed

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  • Guest

    It sounds as if you just haven’t grown up. You do not fully understand how a child is an extension of a mother. April’s child is more a part of her life than you will ever understand until you have your own child. You don’t sound Childfree, which is an acceptable life choice. You just sound self-centered. When my husband and myself decided to be Childfree, we did not expect the planet to shed itself of under 21s for our personal comfort. Maybe you should look within and see how you are not accepting your own adulthood which is looming. You are actually jealous of your friend’s children, not because you want to have kids, but because you, deep inside, still are one.

  • RJA

    I concur!! And I thought the breeders was gonna get on here and be mad, but we all agree LOL. I have no kids either and I definitely don’t want any. I’ma get a dog when the time is right lmfao

  • rzakia

    It sounds like you and April aren’t friends anymore. It sounds like you’ve outgrown her and if you don’t like someone’s kids chances are that person isn’t going to like you either. So when you visit be a big girl and tell April that you’re not visiting her anymore because you don’t like her kids and I’m sure you won’t have to deal with April or her kids anymore. Problem solved.

  • Nikki

    My parents had me later in life so all my cousins are too old or too young to hang out with. I was left to babysit the younger ones and its very annoying. I don’t like children, and I don’t think I want any of my own.

  • Miss_Understood

    I hate how some parents feel entitled to you accomodating them just because they have children. I’m not a kid person either and I used to feel bad until I realized that my friends with kids aren’t exactly kid people either-they are just able to tolerate their own…my irritation is moreso those friends who flake out on holiday traditions to spend time with their “flavor of the month” boyfriend

  • Ms. Kameria

    I try to limit my time around kids and people with them. I don’t have any of my own, and don’t want to be bothered with (friends) who do, for extended periods of time. Especially when I’m trying to have my holiday drinks.

  • dmm

    Try being a grandmother and not wanting to be surrounded by kids 24/7, the guilt my daughters lay on me is unbelievable. I was a single parent and it was very diffcult. I don’t want a round two.

  • FromUR2UB

    Was the name changed so that others wouldn’t recognize “April”, or so that she wouldn’t recognize herself? Just wonderin’. These friends have grown in different directions. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

    • Miss_Understood

      Ikr…if this is a true story I don’t think it will be difficult for her friends to realize who she’s talking about

  • Kenedy

    Haha, i thought it was just me….but i hate kids too….my friends try & make me hang out with them AND their kids, but im like, no gurl, hit me up when u find a baby sitter

    • Ms. Kameria

      Yes ma’am. Clap up on that one. If you don’t have kids of your own, I don’t know why folks think you would want to hand out with them and theirs.

      • Ms. Kameria


  • Cleo

    True lol little kids’ conversation is tragic, I hate seeing my little cousins around the holidays..shoot me

  • MLS2698

    They get on my nerves hollering ” Happy Holidays, ” and as soon as they open their presents and throw out their old, dried up Christmas trees, they will be right back to being JERKS!

    • pickneychile

      Lol true!

  • Pivyque

    I feel you. It’s not my cup of tea. To make matters worse, when my kid was little, people would want to use my “me time” for play dates. Smh. Didn’t happen. They can play date on a day that is not my vacation lol My vacation is for adults only.